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My Life

Crushes

So… I know I haven’t actually updated since Sunday… Sorry, I’ve been under a lot of stress, and just not feeling up to it… But the last two days I haven’t slept for shit because I have something on my mind…

Anyways, go recap my days first. Andrew called me on Sunday. It was really good to hear his voice again and to talk to him but we got into a fight because I won’t elaborate on something I wrote about on my journal here… I had just gotten over about it and I really didn’t need him bringing it back up. We got cut off though because he kept cutting out, so that sucked. I wish I had been able to say a better goodbye. I’m sure he’s having a ton of fun too. He made out with some boy as well.

Work has been work. Boring yet busy. I’ve been studying both the VoIP and Netbackup stuff. So learning lots, other then that nothing has gone on in my life.

Now, the point of this update… I DO have a crush on someone, it’s Myke… Even though he hardly talks to me online, or at least hardly compared to what I’d like to talk to him. I’m not exactly sure what it is about him that’s made me have such a strong crush on him… It could be one of many things or all of them… The fact that he’s in college and wants to get his PHD…. The fact that he’s so into computers and geeky things and it’s amazing to be able to talk to someone for so long about it. (One of the major things I didn’t like about andrew and I was that he never was interested/understood what I was talking about)…. The fact that he’s hot as hell…. or the fact that he reminds me so much of andrew…

But either way I have a really strong crush on him… HE admitted on his journal on friday that he had a crush on someone else though and that really actually hurt me. I sent him an e-mail, and well that’s what I was talkinga bout the other day. Anyways, he finially answered my question last night after I brought it up to him on aim…. He said that anything between he and I, he didn’t see happening. Which is understandable, I’m just not good enough for him, and I figured that from the begining..

But I haven’t been able to stop thinking about him, about how fucking flirty he was with me when I went over there that one night…. I keep asking myself, WHY WAS HE SO FLIRTY. It’s so annoying because he gave off signs and then says a different thing. It’s like, DAMNIT Don’t play with a fragile boy’s mind like that!

I also just want to cuddle with him again…. It was so nice to be able to cuddle with someone again, to just lay there on his couch and hold him, and watch TV. It felt so amamzing… Sometimes it’s better then sex.

SOMEONE GET HIM OUT OF MY HEAD!

I realy wish I could just have a cuddle buddy friend, and he’d be perfect for that…

Either way, he said he does want to hang out, when he has time. So who knows HOW LONG that’ll be… I’d really like to hang out with him again this weekend. Cause it is July 4th weekend, and if he doesn’t. I can bet you I’ll end up sitting at my house all weekend alone and depressed…

Also this weekend marks one year since I went back to Iowa and basically the weekend that my relationship with Andrew ended… So some company would be very welcomed to keep my mind off of that.

Goodnight.

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