Tag: office

haha

10. Cats. Write about cats. A lot.

9. Always mispell your company’s name, just in case someone else is savvy enough to use (a) a search engine or (b) a keyboard.

8. When you talk about your co-workers, pretend you’re writing about a magical far away land of gnomes. Give them names such as “Whitey the Clumsy” or “Snitchbug.”

7. If you must post at work, find a blog template that looks a lot like a word processing document.

6. Should someone use the word “blog” in the office, tilt your head to the side and tell them that you don’t speak German.

5. Require your readers to use the Little Orphan Annie Secret Decoder Badge to interpret your posts.

4. Learn to love garlic, as it will repel pesky co-workers (as well as the ocassional vampire).

3. At the water cooler, start talking about your Internet-savvy twin who has a similar job in a similar company in a similar city in a similar state in a similar country.

2. Through memes, avoid inadvertently constructing a comprehensive social profile from your string of likenesses. For instance, if you register as the “Rose” character from NBC’s The Golden Girls, change your answers slightly so that you’re more like “Sophie.” Anybody who knows you, knows you’re more like “Rose.”

1. Don’t host anything at ihatemyjobandmyboss.com.

Food

So I just went to get food and found this on my car:

Reason #158 Why I Hate Children.

And yes that is the layer of dirt on my car. You’d be surprised how hard it is to keep a car clean in the OC… and I thought Iowa Winters were bad.. I’d rather have my car coated in white then the shit we get out here… At least in Iowa it looks like you just have a white car, not that it’s dirty.

Anyways… I should get an NRA sticker for my car (Yes I am member, not sure who signed me up)… One of those sassy ones. I like the one my grandpa has.. I just can’t remember what it says.

Also got this in my e-mail today:

More and more of Americans’ income is being applied to debt. According to the Federal Reserve (www.federalreserve.gov), the household debt service ratio (the ratio of debt payments to after-tax income) hit a record high of 13.4% in the first quarter of this year.

This increase is a cause for concern. By committing such a large proportion of one’s income to make payments on past expenditures one is not going to be able to save for future goals, e.g., house, emergency fund, education for children, or retirement.

Americans now owe approximately $11 trillion, nearly double what was owed just a decade ago. Total household debt grew 11.2% in 2004. This is the largest year-to-year increase since 1986 (Spors, 2005). Much of the growth in debt can be attributed to Americans taking out large mortgages and home equity loans. Many homeowners have justified their low-down payment mortgage with high monthly payments as housing prices have escalated. Also, there has been an increase in homeowners who have obtained a home equity loan to pay off other debt. Were housing prices to slow or decline, it is possible individuals may owe more than their home is worth.

Individuals with an adjustable rate mortgage may experience difficulty in meeting mortgage payments if interest rates were to increase. For example, a $928 payment on a 5% mortgage would increase to $1,093 for a 6.5% loan. This would be an 18% increase in one’s mortgage payment.

Individuals need to realistically look at their debt commitment. By having high debt payments and a low emergency fund, individuals will face financial difficulties were there to be an illness or loss of job.

I’m so glad that 0% of my income goes toward debit! 😀 I’m so good.

Fuck you stupid Americans. You’re killing us all!

I’m very red and burnt.

It also annoys me when people call me as soon as something goes wrong, instead of simply IMing the people who are STILL IN THE OFFICE and thus are PROBABLY the ones RESPONSIBLE FOR WHAT’S GOING WRONG. HELLO. I AM SLEEPING! GO AWAY.

Did I mention the hottest boy in the world was at the pool today! Long black hair, perfectly flat body, Rarr… God I couldn’t stop staring.

I’m enjoying this weather. Not looking forward to the 105 temps of Iowa though… My bedroom is always the same temp as the out side. I think I’ll be sleeping in the basement when I go home in august.

Adios.

I’m Lonely

It’s nearly 7am and there’s no one in the office yet.. I’m lonely.

I had the most random dream last night.. People showed up in it that I haven’t seen since HS! And it was very sexual (No actual sex, just sexual under tones). Maybe I just need to jack off more. Haven’t done that in forever. lol.

I’m very hyper right now (6 shot Mocha, and a caffine pill).

I want to buy a mini, and a new car! Why can’t I get more money. I really want a second job so that I don’t feel bad about buying more things… I also wish I wasn’t such a stuck up savings nazi… If I didn’t save $1,700 a month. I could fucking buy everything I wanted.

ISU Alumni have some AWESOME group trips… I have to remember that when Andrew and I go to China. They have some REALLY COOL China trips. I like this one the best. Only $10,000 per person too!

Adios

Busy Week

I had to yell at the children again today. Fucking Children.. .THey were screaming and shit right outside my door again. I’m going to fucking shoot them soon! I called the office and complained as well. They did nothing though. Bastards.

This week at work is going to be very busy. Last week I updated the timesheet to have a page that simply showed the overtime hours. Anything that was over 8 hours in one day or 40 hours in one week… Now they go and add this to it: Eight hours of labor constitutes a day’s work. Any work in excess of eight hours in one workday and any work in excess of 40 hours in any one workweek and the first eight hours worked on the seventh day of work in any one workweek shall be compensated at the rate of no less than one and one-half times the regular rate of pay for an employee. Any work in excess of 12 hours in one day shall be compensated at the rate of no less than twice the regular rate of pay for an employee. In addition, any work in excess of eight hours on any seventh day of a workweek shall be compensated at the rate of no less than twice the regular rate of pay of an employee. Nothing in this section requires an employer to combine more than one rate of overtime compensation in order to calculate the amount to be paid to an employee for any hour of overtime work.

Now the real question is… WHY didn’t someone think of this at the BEGINING of the project. It’s not like things like this ChANGE EVERY DAY, it’s SET IN THE LAW! Grrr. I’m just annoyed by this. I think I’ll have to come up with a new way to get the stuff. Blah.

Since we’re talking about money, I figure now would be a good time to mention that on Friday, I will break $100,000 earned in my life… That’s right, it’ll be $100,846.60.

Here’s some facts:

First Pay Check: 01/27/1997 For 547.44; Hours: 91.24; Taxes: 41.88 (7.65%): Hourly Wage: $6.00

Total Made Since then: $100,846.60

Total Hours: 8,027.08

Total Taxes Paid: $20,819.31

Net Pay: $80,027.29

Which means I’ve averaged $12,56 an hour since I started getting real paychecks.

Currently I’m making close to $30 an hour and get taxed at a rate of 32%… Pretty big jump from the 7.65% of my first job! lol

Now, the real question I ask myself is where did that $80,000 Go to!?!

Well:

First Car (’93 Cougar): $6,500 (Not including tax.title/lis)

Second Car (’00 Sarurn): $9,900 (Not including tax.title/lis)

2 Years Rent in Ames: ~$12,000 ($500*12months*2years)

1 Years Rent in Cali: ~$14,400 ($1200*12months)

IRA: $7,000

Household Goods (Tv, Furniture, etc): ~$4,000

Cougar Gas: $1,626.55 (1,296.537 Gallons at an average price of $1.146)

Saturn Gas: $2,590.25 (1,589.321 Gallons at an average price of $1.618)

Computers: $3,600.00 (Powerbook: $1500, Desk1 $600, Desk2 $600, Monitor1 $200, Monitor2 $200, iPod $500)

Cell Phone: ~$1,800 ($50*12months*3years)

Which means that I’ve spent about $16,500 on random shit since ’97 (Which is an average expendeture rate of ~$200 a month. Currently my cash outflow is $400 a month on “fun” items, including gas for my car, food,clothing,etc. Bills/Rent/Etc come from a different account).

Man, that’s just insane? Where’d all that money go!

Ok, I’m sure you’re all bored to death… I’m out!

Long night

So tonight’s going to be a really long time… For some reason I’m REALLY tired.

Umm, so yeah. Doesn’t look like I’m going to be getting that new compter I was all excited about… I had made plans to meet that guy at my office at 2… he called me at 11, and said he’d be like 10-20 minutes late. I was like, OK no problem… Well, 3:00 rolled around and he still wasn’t here. So I waited tell 3:30 and then just left. I’ve called him like 5 times since, and left messages each time. I’ve also sent like 2 e-mails. No replies. Fucking jack ass. You know, if you changed your mind about something, then at least let the person know about it. Grrr! Fucking jerk. I spent all that time backing up my shit and reformating my hard drive for nothing now. I’m so pissed about that. 🙁

Anyways, after that I went home and was bored so I started to drink about 5:30 or so… I only had like 2 glasses, which made me REALLY tired, so I slept tell like 2 or 3 AM. I had one really fucked up dream in which Susan was in it, and her and I were in a huge fight because she wasn’t treating Andrew and My kid the same was she was treating Jamie’s kid. Her reasoning was that Andrew and mine wasn’t really her grandkid because we used a serogate mother…. Why I was dreaming this I have no idea! But anyways, it was so random!

So I woke up about three, and watched a hour or more of room raiders then went to the gym at 5am and came home, watched some more TV and then went to bed and slept till 1. Got up and sat around my house. I got called to work at 5ish and worked from 5 to 8, then left and met Stephen at The Block where we saw Fantastic 4. Very good movie if I do say so myself. The boy was SO HOT! Rarr.

Now I’m at work and I just want to go to sleep… Yawn.

NIght all.