My Life


10. Cats. Write about cats. A lot.

9. Always mispell your company’s name, just in case someone else is savvy enough to use (a) a search engine or (b) a keyboard.

8. When you talk about your co-workers, pretend you’re writing about a magical far away land of gnomes. Give them names such as “Whitey the Clumsy” or “Snitchbug.”

7. If you must post at work, find a blog template that looks a lot like a word processing document.

6. Should someone use the word “blog” in the office, tilt your head to the side and tell them that you don’t speak German.

5. Require your readers to use the Little Orphan Annie Secret Decoder Badge to interpret your posts.

4. Learn to love garlic, as it will repel pesky co-workers (as well as the ocassional vampire).

3. At the water cooler, start talking about your Internet-savvy twin who has a similar job in a similar company in a similar city in a similar state in a similar country.

2. Through memes, avoid inadvertently constructing a comprehensive social profile from your string of likenesses. For instance, if you register as the “Rose” character from NBC’s The Golden Girls, change your answers slightly so that you’re more like “Sophie.” Anybody who knows you, knows you’re more like “Rose.”

1. Don’t host anything at

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