Chris' Site

Aug 12, [Linkin Park, "One Step Closer"]

The last couple days have been filled with worries and stress. Yesterday

I was so worried and stressed out that I was actualy sick. I don’t really

remember what all I did yesterday. I know I went to work, and was really

sick there. I was mostly dissy and felt really bad, plus I was pissy so

that didn’t help. The manager came in and bitched at me, so I bitched back

at her and then she said, "Why don’t you just go home." So I did.

I was mostly worried about Adam last night. The other night he told a story

about how he had this reaction with over the counter drugs, so I was really

worried about what would happen last night when he smoked. Half of me said

not to go, cause I didn’t want to be around him when he did it, cause I

felt bad about him doing it. But the other half of me said to be there,

cause I wanted to see what he was like, and I wanted to try it. I really

wanted to try it. But, I didn’t go. And I was really worried about him.

We (being Mandy, Vero, Julian, and I. Who I went out with last night) were

going to go over there and say "HI" but Mandy was majorly anti

going over there, she didn’t even want to wait in the car while the rest

of us went in to say hi. But I hear that everything went well. I really

regret not going now though. Cause I really wanted to try it. Oh well. Whatever.

Adam’s currently online, but his away message says that he’s thinking "alot."

I wonder what he’s thinking about.

Today I went to work. It sucked. I had to do pizza, which I HATE doing.

And they had only scheduledd two of us for the entire evening, one in pizza

and one on registers and Dale was on the registers and he’s dumber then

a fucking door knob. I ignored him most of the night and did mad cleaning

in the pizza area. I got off at 10 and went out with Zach which was fun

cause we got to talk about things, and yeah. It was just good.

There’s been alot on my mind about everything in my life lately about how

things go. And where they’re going to go. I seem to be always depressed

again lately. I’m getting back into that mood that I was in last October

when I started keeping this journal. That wasn’t good times for me at all.

Why are you so intent on making this happen? You may

be putting way too much energy into something that everyone else has long

forgotten, Aquarius. The baggage that you carry has begun to affect your

posture. Keep in mind that there’s a big difference between wanting to save

something and actually being able to do so. Straighten out, breathe deeply

and proceed to let go. The Universe will see to it that there are plenty

of other difficult projects for you to take on in the future!

Aug 10, #3 [Evan And Jaron, "Wouldn’t It Be Nice To Be Proud"]

Well since about 3 this morning today’s been pretty good. I didn’t get

much sleep though cause I couldn’t sleep I had to much on my mind. I finally

got to sleep sometime after my mom left for work this morning and then Adam

woke me about 10:30 or so. We talked for a bit there and it was nice to

talk to him. After that, I got up and got ready for the day. I wasn’t planning

on going to the mall today, but then Angie called and we talked for a bit,

but I wanted to talk to her in person, so I went to the mall and rode with

her. It was good to get things out and to have someone to talk to it about.

After we got back from the mall I went into work, and by then for some reason,

I just wasn’t feeling good at all. I felt like I was about to chuck, and

I was on the verge of fainting, and I had a horrible head-ache. It just

wasn’t good. Karen came in and asked me who was supposed to be doing Pizza,

and I told her I didn’t know, it was supposed to be me so I got pissy at

her and just ignored her, after she left I went back and started making

a few pizzas and then she came in and watched me for a bit I guess. I had

to keep stopping cause everytime I went to do something, I just felt like

I was going to faint and I was light headed. So she came back and bitched

at me for even coming into work sick, and I was like, god damnit. I told

Mel this morning at like 3 that I shouldn’t come in today, but she insisted.

So I came in. And I felt like shit. I knew I would, but it didn’t set in

tell about that time. I don’t really know what it was, but I was just pissy

and sick, and not good times. So Karen and I bitched at each other for a

while, and then I left. I came home, and took a long cold shower, just sitting

there letting the water hit me, and now I feel much better, I still have

the head-ache, but I’m feeling better. I’m going to go out with Mandy, Julian,

and Vero tonight. That should be pretty fun. We’ll see. I want to go over

to see Agam getting stoned, and I wanted to try it, but now I’m just not

in the mood at all to be around him for that amount of time. Or in that

condition. So I’m not going to go over there to do it. Maybe some other

time, maybe never. The world will work it self out in time. In time.

Aug 10, #2 [BBMak, "Just Another Day"]

Talking to people doesn’t help things, it just makes them worse. Especially

when they contradict themselves.