So this is going to be a quick private update…
For some reason I think that you should be comfortable saying, and meaning, the “L” word before having any form of anal sex. I mean, hello! That’s one big thing to be giving up, how can you do it with someone that you don’t feel enough for to be able to say the “L” word.
Anyways… Now that that’s off my chest.
I miss my drew bear!
Is hitting hard now. Haven’t had the energy to really do anything all day. I was up all night thinking and being stupid.
Today family was over, I hated that. Although the highlight of the day was when Steven took his shirt off… UBER FUCKING HOT! Rarr at him. Although he brough some girl over today. It made me want to bring my boy over. Too bad he’s in the middle of the ocean.
I keep going through this state of hating Andrew right now, mostly because he’s getting to do something that I’ve always wanted to do, and never got the chance too. Yeah, I know I’ve done a lot in my life in the way of traveling. But I have always wanted to go on a cruise, now he is. It wasn’t bad untell I found out that the PU’s canceled the plans to Alaska. Fuckers. I’m still steaming about that. I will go on a trip this summer, with or without other people. And it’ll be the trip of a lifetime.
Anyways, family was over. Didn’t say hardly anything to any of them. I just don’t know what to say to them. They’re all fat farmers with big asses and bad hair/clothes/etc. Boy kept asking me if I had a Girlfriend. I just kept saying “No.” He does that at every fucking family event. So very annoying.
Depression sucks, and I’m going to get something for it. I really will! I just have to get up the ambition to actually call the place and make an appointment.
Must go do HW now, but I know I’ll just end up sitting in front of the TV.
So Andrew’s gone on a Cruise, by now they should be well on thier way to the first stop.
Friday was such a long day, work was totally annoying, but I finally was off at 5, and I met up with Andrew at VWM at 5:30. We shopped for a while, and then spent the rest of the night doing random things. I don’t remember what all we did though. It was however a very long night.
Saturday I was up early and out the door by 9:30. I went to Hy-Vee 74th to get some things, then to Vista to drop them off. After that it was off to Beak’s to hang out and “fix” her computer. When I got there, she said there wasn’t really anything wrong with it now. But I still played around with it some and fixed a few random things. We chatted about things, and her mom showed up, and we unloaded more of Beak’s shit. lol. I always get stuck doing that!
Andrew called about 12:30 and I went over there. Hung out while he packed for the cruise. I helped him pick out ties. I also played FF10. Which is UBER fun!
From there it was off to random grad parties. I never thought that _I_ would run into someone I HATE at a Waukee Grad party, but I did. How random is that! Well, actually I never thought that I’d be going to Waukee grad parties. I thought once I was done with my own damn school’s I would be done done with all of them! lol.
AFter that we went to Andrew’s office to meet some woman, I forget her name now, but she was way amusing. lol. Then off to Biaggi’s. Which has REALLY REALLY good food. And it’s amazingly not that expensive. Although, Andrew wouldn’t let me see the bill! lol.
While there we talked about heritage, and how my family doesn’t really have one that they talk of. We know that my mom’s side is mostly German (My Grandma is English/French/Irish) but we have no idea what my dad’s side is. And we don’t make traditional German foods. I mean my Dad’s side has all these “secret” family recipies, but they aren’t from our traditional family history. I hope that all makes sense. Anyways, the point is that I feel like my family should have traditional foods, like Andrew’s family has Italian foods.
After that it was back to my place where we exchanged gifts. He got me Kevin, a pair of scissors, and The Awakening. I got him Oswald….
So that he could take him with him on the trip and remember me!
Anyways, after that we just laid in my bed talking. I started to cry because he was leaving for a week. I told him I’d probably cry when he moved away to Cali, but I never thought I would cry so soon. Especially since he’s just going to be gone for a week!
I felt really stupid though for crying. Whatever. Mostly because there’s only two things that I can think of that make me cry infront of other people. One being having to talk about Boy Scouts, the other is a death of a friend/relative/etc.
About 8:30 we left here and were going to drop him off at Court’s at 9, but his mother called and wanted to say goodbye, so we went there and did that. Got him to Court’s by about 9:15ish. We were all talking in the house and I fianlly just had to leave, other wise I would have started crying right there again and I would have felt UBER stupid!
So Andrew and I went outside, and hugged good bye, and I did start crying. It was so sad. And AGAIN I felt stupid for doing as such, but I’m going to miss him while he’s gone!
I left there by about 9:45 and was home shortly after 10… From the time I got home untell about 3 this morning I spent cleaning my room and going though stuff that I had packed way back in ’99 and ’00. I got rid of 2 BIG boxes worth of stuff and now have everything I want to keep in just two other boxes.
Today has consisted of…
1) Kevin
2) Good Eats
3) Sitting around and feeling stupid
4) Peeling wallpaper
Tomorrow will consist of lots of family, just what I don’t need!
Is all that I really need sometimes to brighten up my day!
Tuesday Andrew just randomly called me up, he says to “Just say Hi” but we ended up talking for an hour! It was so great to just talk to him for that long about random things, and it really brought my mood up for that day! It made me so happy.
Today he did the same, just called me about 5:45, and we only talked for about 15 minutes or so cause I was at work. But it didn’t matter, I could have talked longer. He invited me to come downtown, but I wasn’t sure if I wanted to drive all that way. But my wanting to see him won out, and I went down. It was a ton of fun to hang out with him and Shiela and Dustin. Although I just kinda sat there and didn’t say much, it was still amusing.
So tonight I came home after hanging out with them, and I got my mail, two things… One from Providian, a bill. The other from ISU. I was so confused as to what it could be, so I opened it up, and it was a check… A HUGE check!
I got $543 from ISU, for no really reason that I know of! But still, I’m psyched. I was just bitching about how I just had $42 in my account. All this money is going to savings though, and nothing else!
Wed was also great, and that really brought my mood up. Being with Andrew makes me so very happy!
Anyways, most of what we did is in the regular entry, but there’s a few things that needed to be put here…
First is that while we were driving to get Vero, Andrew said that he wanted to learn all about the scouts and why it meant so much to me… And that gesture in it self made me so happy that he cared enough to actually ask. With Adam I practically had to FORCE him to come to camp with me, and whever I talked about scouts, he was just like “Yeah whatever, back to Bonsai now!” But Andrew asking means so much to me! :'(
Then later on we were watching TV (Good Eats, I LOVE THAT SHOW!) And making out and yeah, I got a BJ with the window blinds open! It was so nerve raking. But still, very good! Andrew does good work. After I came, we moved into my room and I stripped Andrew… He seemed to have enjoyed that process. Then I gave him a bj, and other things… He just wouldn’t cum though with me jacking him to he finished himself off. I felt kinda bad about that, the fact that I couldn’t get him to cum, and the fact that he had to finish himself. But whatever, sometimes I know I can’t cum even if the other person is doing EVERYTHING right!
After that we laid in my bed and that was soooo nice. I really didn’t want him to leave last night. I told him that him calling me on Tuesday made me really happy, and thanked him for that. And thanked him for just being there. I had to wipe away the tears a few times while we were laying there. Finally he had to leave because his horrid mother wouldn’t let him stay the night! Grrr at Sue. It was so sad to see him leave….
And that night it was so hard to get to sleep, I felt so alone in bed without him. You would think I’d be used to sleeping bymyself, but last night it was hard. It’s such a large bed, I need someone that I care about next to me.
And next week is going to be hell… I’m not looking forward to it.
But speaking of everything, I think I’m going to try and find a doctor that’ll give me Paxil… I’ve tried everything else, and it just hasn’t worked in the past… Plus I think now my anxiety has really stepped up some. Like when Dustin asked me to go to IC with him. It was very hard to say yes, because I was nervous about going, I don’t know why. But lately I’ve been avoiding all social contact that isn’t nessecary. It’s hard with such a social bf, but it’s also very good that he is like that, because otherwise I would drive myself into hiding and then become even more depressed.
But so far the only drug I have has been working wonders… Thanks Drew Bear, you make me so happy!
//Edit: I just wanted to add a few things that I forgot… One thing is that I found out that Andrew was actually all scared and crying and upset after the threesome because he was confused about what was going on between him and I. I felt bad to have caused that by just trying to be nice, but also, I’m glad that things worked out so good now!
“How do we know that we’re not living in the Matrix?” — Another great quote from the Crazy Phil prof!
Anyways, yesterday was tons of fun! Andrew came up about 2:30ish, and we hung out tell 5 when we went and met up with Vero. She has an uber cute apartment! From there we all went out to eat, good food at LaFuente (sp?), and it was uber cheap too!
From there to my apartment just to show Vero where I lived and then off to the mall. The Gap Kids shirt that Andrew’s been wanting is on sale, so he wanted to buy it, but all they had was a small and he wears a medium in Gap Kids clothes. lol. So were going to get it this weekend sometime.
After that we drove Vero back to her place, dropped her off and then Andrew and I went back to mine and hung out tell 10ish when he left to go home.
Very fun times yetserday, it really helped my low moods that I’ve been in all week.