Where’s The Love?

What’s wrong with the world, mam
People livin’ like they ain’t got no mamas
I think the whole world addicted to the drama
Only attracted to things that’ll bring you trauma
Overseas, yeah, we try to stop terrorism
But we still got terrorists here livin’
In the USA, the big CIA
The Bloods and The Crips and the KKK
But if you only have love for your own race
Then you only leave space to discriminate
And to discriminate only generates hate
And when you hate then you’re bound to get irate, yeah
Badness is what you demonstrate
And that’s exactly how anger works and operates
N**, you gotta have love just to set it straight
Take control of your mind and meditate
Let your soul gravitate to the love, y’all, y’all

People killin’, people dyin’
Children hurt and you hear them cryin’
Can you practice what you preach
And would you turn the other cheek

Father, Father, Father help us
Send us some guidance from above
‘Cause people got me, got me questionin’
Where is the love

Where is the love (The love)
Where is the love (The love)
Where is the love
The love, the love

It just ain’t the same, always unchanged
New days are strange, is the world insane
If love and peace is so strong
Why are there pieces of love that don’t belong
Nations droppin’ bombs
Chemical gasses fillin’ lungs of little ones
With the ongoin’ sufferin’ as the youth die young
So ask yourself is the lovin’ really gone
So I could ask myself really what is goin’ wrong
In this world that we livin’ in people keep on givin’ in
Makin’ wrong decisions, only visions of them dividends
Not respectin’ each other, deny thy brother
A war is goin’ on but the reason’s undercover
The truth is kept secret, it’s swept under the rug
If you never know truth then you never know love
Where’s the love, y’all, come on (I don’t know)
Where’s the truth, y’all, come on (I don’t know)
Where’s the love, y’all

People killin’, people dyin’
Children hurt and you hear them cryin’
Can you practice what you preach
And would you turn the other cheek

Father, Father, Father help us
Send us some guidance from above
‘Cause people got me, got me questionin’
Where is the love

Where is the love (The love)
Where is the love (The love)
Where is the love
The love, the love

I feel the weight of the world on my shoulder
As I’m gettin’ older, y’all, people gets colder
Most of us only care about money makin’
Selfishness got us followin’ our own direction
Wrong information always shown by the media
Negative images is the main criteria
Infecting the young minds faster than bacteria
Kids act like what they see in the cinema
Yo’, whatever happened to the values of humanity
Whatever happened to the fairness in equality
Instead in spreading love we spreading animosity
Lack of understanding, leading lives away from unity
That’s the reason why sometimes I’m feelin’ under
That’s the reason why sometimes I’m feelin’ down
There’s no wonder why sometimes I’m feelin’ under
Gotta keep my faith alive to lovers bound

People killin’, people dyin’
Children hurt and you hear them cryin’
Can you practice what you preach
And would you turn the other cheek

Father, Father, Father help us
Send us some guidance from above
‘Cause people got me, got me questionin’
Where is the love

The Meaning Of NON-REFUNDABLE!

So last night ended up being a VERY VERY annoying night.

I got home, and ate supper. Talked to Andrew for just a short bit, and listened to some 80’s music…

When all of a sudden, my interenet STOPPED working. I was so annoyed. But I figured it wouldn’t be long, usually it doesn’t take that long for it to come back up. So I sat there in front of my computer, waiting, and hitting “Login” on AIM like a million times. Finally I got really annoyed with it and was on my way to call Andrew when my phone rang.

It was him, so I answered it and he said “Sorry to call you, but I couldn’t wait any longer to tell you what’s happening…”

At that point I was scared…. I thought maybe something bad had happened… Well Something bad DID happen, but I thought something REALLY bad had happened.

Then he goes, “Dustin called me”

And I’m like, Great… I know EXACTLY where this is going.

So Dustin ditched us on our trip.. The WEEK OF the trip he calls and tells us that he can’t go.

This is all AFTER we confirmed with him the DATES and the PRICE of the hotel, and AFTER we booked a NON-REFUNDABLE hotel room.

Now, in case you can’t tell my all of my CAPITAL LETTERS I’ve VERY VERY annoyed by this. You don’t fucking do that to people, if you don’t have the money, then FIND some some where.

It’s not like he DIDN’T know that we were going on the TRIP, or that he KNEW how much he was making, or that he KNEW how much he was SPENDING.

With 4 people going this would have been a VERY CHEAP trip, about $40-$50 each for TWO nights in a MARRIOT hotel, food and GAS!

Now ANDREW and I are going to have to PAY for it all, that means about $80 EACH! Which only leaves us with about $20 to spend, based on what WE HAD BOTH BUDGETED, YES budgeted, for the trip…. Beacuse apparently we know how to handle money, and plan ahead and BUDGET money.

So in short, if you want to go to KC this weekend, and can leave FRIDAY afternoon and return SUNDAY afternoon and can afford $40-$50, PLEASE CALL ME!

And that’s my LIFE!

An Emotional Weekend.

Like Chris said, this weekend has been very emotional but also very good.

Nothing really happened Friday taht I won’t update about in my normal journal. We just went out and had a good time and saw Legally Blonde which is the best movie, so uber cute! I wish I was her! lol

Saturday was also a good day. Chris came over and we spent a lot of time here packing and stuff. That was very stressful on me. I basically just went through my clothes, then realized I had a keyboard I could sell, and yeah. So we called around, I sold it for 15 bucks, eh whatever, it’s money right? But yeah a few times I had to just sit on the bed and hug and kiss Chris b/c it was just too much for me to be packing, it’s all coming too soon!

Then we went bowling and that was fun and we bet that whoever lost bowling would pay for dinner. For some reason I bowled really good, and ended up with a fairly decent score. And yeah so then we went to the new porn store, which was also fun. The guy was VERY nice and that was fun and there was lots of porn so that was good too lol.

After that, we went out to dinner at this buffet place and it was really pretty good, I enjoyed the food. Topher paid, since he lost bowling and I spilled my drink all over the wall since I’mdumb.

After that we went home to his house andhung out. We hot tubbed for awhile but the bugs were really getting a bit too much, so we broke and went inside. It sucks that there are so many bugs b/c I really like to hot tub. Anyways.
We went inside and started doing stuff like usual. Rimmed Topher and did other stuff too, we just had a good time. I told him that I wanted to make love to him. I was ready and I wanted to express my feelings for him. So I told him, and he didn’t say anything so I thought that was weird and I didn’t know what to think. After awhile he told me that he loved me, and I said it back. And then eventually we got to a position where it was easily accessible and I went in and we had sex for the first time. It was really amazing, all the feelings that were going on. Like Chris said, indescribable.

After awhile we both jacked off and came. Then we kissed and stuff and went downstairs. Immediately I felt bad. I didn’t regret anything, but it was a much bigger deal to me than I thought it would be. And then it didn’t seem like Chris felt the same way and I got really upset. Like as soon as we were downstairs he said something like “oh yeah I was so close to cumming, IF you hadn’t of pulled out.” and all I could think was “Well I’m so sorry that you feel that way, I was more into the emotions of the thing than the physical pleasure.” And he made a few jokes about it during the subsequent night/day and I just felt bad, like all he wanted out of the deal was a good fuck. But we did talk about it last night and it was all straightened out and I knew all along he didn’t feel like that, but it was just hard not to think so, plus I was really stressed from the packing thing and so I was just blowing things up.

So we watched Sister Sister and the Proud Family and then went to bed. We slept pretty good and when I woke up my back didn’t hurt so that was good. But yeah, we had a good Sunday too, although a bit more emotions again b/c I was packing a lot. So that was bad, but we took lots of pics of stuff for Ebay and I’m hopefully gonna sell it all. I really need to! I need the money bad. So we walked around the lake for a little bit, that was nice, I just wish there weren’t any people there… or bugs for that matter. Just me and Topher and a nice path and no bugs or other people. That would be sweet.

Picked up Jenny, blah blah didn’t do much, just hung out with them. Chris was sassy to Ginny.. I think she liked it though. lol.

That night we were emotion filled again. laying on my bed, I apologized for being weird all day and that’s where we talked about the whole sex thing. I think I was also weird b/c I wanted us to talk about it and stuff before it happened but then it just did and it was all so fast and then suddenly we’d had sex for the first time. but I don’t regret it… I haven’t had a lot of sex at all, like really not at all, but that was the most meaningful sexual thing I’d ever done with a person. I was very happy to be sharing it with my Topher, he means so much to me. He eventually had to leave, it was sad but we both knew it was coming. So we started saying goodbye, and eventually he left and it was sad and I miss him.

But just one more day and then I’ll get to see him again. And then we get a whole weekend together, and potentially by ourselves. But that’s a whole other situation.

A Loss For Words…

Wow, so there were a lot of emotional developments this weekend.

Friday we didn’t really do much, just hung out. It was really nice, we went and saw our second movie together, and hence our second typical date. I guess you could call it. Though there wasn’t any dinner, so does it count as one or not? I’m going to say that it does.

Saturday was really good, even though we spent a lot of time at his house. Like I said in the main journal. Sure watching him pack is boring, but I think it’s worth my time to be there. Both to support him, and to get to spend time with him. I know that if I were moving as far away from my friends as he is, I would want someone there every time I was packing. Otherwise I’d just break down in tears and not ever get anything done.

It was really hard to sit there and watch him pack. I know he really didn’t do that much, just one box. But he did go through all his clothes, etc. And it’s really starting to come down to the end. There were a few times while I was sitting there watching him that the tear factory started up. I contained it though before it really got into full gear.

Bowling was tons of fun, though he really kicked my ass. I used to be much better at bowling, but I just seem to have lost it. And plus the ball was way to heavy for me.

After that was the porn store. I haven’t been in one in forever. So that was amusing as hell, then to supper. That was nice to just hang out with him there. Although the place we went was way more expensive then I remember it being and there were a lot of white trash people there.

After that we went back to my house and went hot tubbing. That was nice, even with all the stupid bugs and such flying around and eating us alive!

We didn’t spend much time in there, just enough to talk some. From the hot tub we went right to my room. I took Andrew’s undies to put in the dryer. I really like when he goes nude, though I know that he doesn’t enjoy it. I’m glad that at least sometimes he will do it.

Anyways, we were laying in my bed, making out, etc. He gave me a rimmy, a really good one. Lots of the dry-humping, which has now become a fairly regular thing. And a very enjoyable thing, I think. I dunno, I just really like it.

Well we were doing that, and Andrew leans into me and says, I want to make love to you. And at that moment, and even now just thinking about it, it makes my heart stop, and I’m at a loss for words. That meant so much to me, that he cares so much for me, and I care so much for him. It just makes me so happy, and it means so so much to me.

I didn’t know what to say. I wanted to, but I just didn’t know what to say. I wanted to make sure that he was ready, but I didn’t want to just stop and go, Well are you sure you’re ready.
I knew that I was, I had been thinking about that lately. I felt that we were ready, or close to being close enough to do that. But what was he really thinking.

The whole time I was debating this in my head we were hugging and kissing, and I was just holding him so close, but I wanted to hold him closer.

I finally decided that he’s mature enough, he would know when he was ready for something like that. Not like my last bf, who freaked out after wards and caused a huge fight… Andrew’s mature, and he wouldn’t say that if he didn’t mean it.

We fooled around some more, he would give me a rimmy, and then more dry-humping… Finally we got into a good position, and he got Enfuego nice and lubed, and gave me a good rimmy and then slowly got it in.

That was by far the best I had ever had, and also the most meaningful. When Adam and I first did it, we weren’t even dating, there was no emotional feelings there that time. This time it was so wonderful. So great, and so pleasurable as well. I was so close to coming but he pulled out just before both times.

That night I was so happy, Andrew and I had shared so much, and I think we became closer on an emotional level. The feelings are just so indescribable.

Sunday was nice, though Andrew was acting a bit weird. I really wanted to talk to him the whole day about what had happened the night before, but the right time never seemed to come up, though I really didn’t try that much, because I attributed most of his weirdness to the moving since we spent the whole day packing.

Finally that night we got to talk about it while laying in his bed. It was good to hear that he wasn’t really regretting what happened, just that he was scared that I didn’t feel the same way that he did. And I do, so I reassured him on that. And hopefully all was better after that. We talked some more about other things, and he said that I should come with him to Cali.

I really wish that I could, I don’t want him to move away. I’m going to be losing so much when he leaves. Hopefully I won’t lose it for good.

Leaving was even harder then usual that night. I really wanted to just stay there and hold him, and let him know that how much he means to me. But eventually I had to leave.

And that drive home, seemed even longer than normal. Way longer. All I could think about was him, and how hard it’ll be without him here this fall. I know I’ll get through it, but it’ll be hard… And I know that he’ll do just fine out there in Cali.

The weekend that wouldn’t stop…

So this weekend just seemed to keep on going. Which was really good. Friday I met up with Andrew about 5:45ish, his mom was supposed to be cooking supper, but the people that have looked at the house 4 times were going to be coming over, so she decided not to. We ate something real quick and hung out at his for a while. Once we left we headed to the half-price store to get sell some books back. I took in some old computer books. I got $15 back for them, which was pretty good I thought, considering how old they were.

From there we went downtown for a while. And then decided to go see a movie. Legally Blonde 2. Very good movie I must say. After that I drove Andrew back to his car and we broke for the night.

Saturday I awoke really early, 7:30. But I didn’t actually get out of bed tell about 10 or so. Once I did, I just sat around and didn’t really do much. Andrew finally called me about 12:20 and we made plans to meet up at about 1ish.

I left PC and drove there, stupid stupid people driving that day. Very annoying.

Got to his place and we finalized the dates for the trips to EWR/LAX. Aug 11th is the day we’re leaving. I’m still very worried about all the flights though. Ate lunch there and then spent a large part of the day helping/watching him pack stuff. It was nice to hang out with him, a bit boring. But I’m totally understanding that he has to pack, and the weekend is one of the few times that he has to do that. I also want to be there when he packs because I think that’s probably the time that he most needs someone there. Packing just brings to reality how soon he is moving.

We left there about 3ish, I think. The weekend just seems to be all blurring together for some reason this morning. Anyways, I do remember that we drove from his place to the new porn store off exit 159. That was very amusing times. The guy that was working was uber friendly for some reason. And then have a HUGE, and I mean HUGE!, gay porn DVD section. Very good. Now I just wish that it was closer to here to rent porn from! Lol. Though, it’s probably closer then driving all the way to the south side.

After that we drove back to Ankeny, stopped to eat. It was uber expensive there, but I already told Andrew that I would pay, and that we were eating there. So it was too late. Whatever though, the food was good.

Oh, I forgot that we went bowling on Saturday too! That was fun. Thanks Beak for the free tickets and if you get anymore that you don’t want to use, I’ll gladly take them!

After supper we went back to my house, hot tubbed and then went to bed. Andrew spent the night.

Sunday morning we got up, showered and ate breakfast at my house. From there we went back to his and packed some more. We also took TONS of pictures for his ebay items that he has up. Everyone should go bid on them to make him happy! Lol.

After that we went to the half-price books store again to sell more books. I took in a bunch more compter books and an old Business book that I have. All the computer books were about the same age as the ones that I took in on Friday. Though this time they only offered me $1 for all of them. I mean this was like 10 books! I was uber pissed about this. Because it just shows that they really don’t have much of a plan on how they pay for books. They just guess or something. I was very annoyed, and they wouldn’t even take my Business book because It has highlighting. Well duh, of course it does, it’s a fucking college text book! Grr. I was just annoyed with that.

Once we were done with that we went and got ice cream. Which I really didn’t need but it was so good!

From there back to his house, where we met up with Ginny. And then went to the airport to pick up Jenny and her sister. That was fun times.

Broke late that night after some laying in bed talking about things, and a bit of crying.

Got home late that night and got my mail… Two bills of course. Very annoyed with that, though I realized that I already paid one of them, and my electric bill is only $1.88 this month. Which is very odd. I’ll have to look at that again tonight when I’m more awake to figure out what’s actually going on there. Because it should have been closer to $30.00 or so.

Also thinking about where I want to move after college. With everyone else that I hang out with talking about their moving, and going away to college it’s got me thinking a lot. I really want to move west, and I have for a long time. Though I don’t think Cali is the place, and if it is, it would either be San Diego, or more north, but not around LA, or SF. I was thinking Washington for a while, but I want to stay away from there because they are infected with the evil M$ Virus there. Arizona still has potential. But I don’t really know how much. I’m very scared about it all though, because I know that at the job fairs here at ISU they only have employers from this area of the country. As Sue said not that long ago, And why did you stay here??

One year seems like a long time, but I know that it’ll go by really fast… Just look at how fast the last 2 months have gone by already.

Today I’ve been very busy at work, though I think things will slow down now this afternoon. I went through my old entries this morning and changed a few of them from private to public, and I’ve been thinking about some more code upgrades, but those would all be for me. We’ll see if I get around to it or not.

Tonight will consist of 80’s music and CD burning.

And that’s my life.