Goodbye A Day Early

So there’s really not too much to update about privately. We found out last night that we’re going to have to say goodbye on Tuesday night instead of Wed morning now. Because Sue has to leave on Tuesday afternoon to go to work.

That just really sucks because I wanted to have that time with him there at the airport. It’s very scary. I don’t want to be wondering around by myself there. I wan him to be there for me to hold me and stuff.

Last night was hard. Having him sleep in the bunk below me. It was just very annoying that we can’t sleep in the same bed. It’ll be nice in the hotel though. I think we’ll get to sleep there.

Lile drew said in his post, I’m going to miss him insanly. And I too am scared that I’ll never find someone again how treats me as well as he does.

Oh, last night he said that he had thought about letting me top. I thought that was uber sweet and meant so much to me. Though I couldn’t think of anything to say about it. I was like, Umm, thanks? lol. I just didn’t know what to say, but it really did mean a lot to me. Though, I know it won’t be happening before we leave. Or probably ever, he’s very tight! Lol.

Anyways, I’m going to go now before I started getting sad again.

Laters all!

What A Flight

Thank god, we’re finally on the ground here in Jersey. It’s about 11:15 pm here now. And we’ve been on the ground since shortly after 9:10.

Our flight was delayed leaving DM, so we didn’t get out of there tell 5:20, so we spent 3 hours in the airport just hanging out. It was alright and we talked a lot. So that was nice.

Once our plane was in the air it was pretty nice. We talked and had a good time. Though I don’t think that the people behind us/beside us liked us very much. Whatever, they can get over it all.

Anyways, it’s not the next morning. So I don’t know where I’ll put this update, either Aug 11, or the 12th. Whatever.

So last night while I was writing that, Andrew and I talked for a while, which truned into like an hour, so by the time we were done talking, I was too tired to do anything, so I just went to bed.

It’s UBER hot in here, so it was hard to sleep. Though I did sleep pretty well.

Oh, the airport last night was crazyness., and once we got here, the captian said that we would be stuck in a holding pattern for 50 minutes. But it ended up being only 10 or so. That was nice.

Once we got here we ate supper and then came to our room and hung out/talked/wrote updates.

Today has been filled with nonthing ness. Andrew and I just beat Sonic, it took us like 3 hours or so. Not too hard. I was playing most of it, but when we got to a bard spot that I didn’t want to try beating Andrew would take over and do it for me. We also watched the Jerry Springer show. Very exciting.

Now it’s 1:30 and he’s jus tnot starting his shower. And then I’m going to shower after he’s done.

I don’t know what tonight consists of. He says that we’re going to call his dad and go out to supper with him. That would be interesting. Though not really. I guess they want to go to this place called Big Ed’s for ribs. I don’t like Ribs. So I’ll get something else.

Sue also bought some crazy foods, like MAJOR junk food. It’s all so bad for you, yet tastes so good!

I’m out, laters all!

Guestbook Signing

Wow, it seems like just yesterday that you graduated, but here it is three months laster and I’m just now signing this. Three months ago we were just starting our relatiosnip, just getting to know each other in the bf/bf sense. Back then it seemed like we had a long time together. But here it is already coming to a close. We’ve shared so much ofther the last year that we’ve known each other. You’ve gone from purple shirt boy to my wonderful boyfrine. You were there for me through my first breakup, my first full summer of not going to scouts and so much more. And you’ve been nothing but supportive. We’ve both grown so much over the last year, I’ve rid myself of someone who was just holding me down and gained someone who just keeps pushing me forward.

I just wish that we could have had so much more time together. I wish that we would have talked log ago. There are so many things that I wish I had, and now I’m regretting not getting those. Our time together was so short and I can only hope that sometime in the future our paths will cross again.

Andrew, you mean so much to me, after these three months together I realisze that this is the first time I’ve actually been in love. I’ve never been moved the way tI have been with you. No one has ever been so great to me as you have been.

Who ever gets you as a bf in cali had better realize what a great guy the are getting and I hope that you realize what a wonderfull guy you are.

Love,
Topher

Ok, well I don?t have TOO too much to privately update about, but I promised Chris one, so here goes.

The past few days have been upsetting, sad, and happy all at once. I was very upset w/ the fights that we kept having. I really didn?t think they were necessary in most cases. And it just made me sad that we had to fight right before we were leaving. We went 3 months with no fights, and then suddenly we are fighting seemingly non stop. I know it wasn?t really non stop , but I was really stressed and it felt that way. However, I am glad that we have figured everything out and we are no longer fighting and everything is good between us. I think it was just the stressfullness on both of our parts, and then any little thing would set us off and then we?d fight. But it?s ok now.

Last night was really hard for me. We were laying together in bed, and I was telling Chris how scared I was to do all my orientation stuff. Eventually he started crying, and it broke my heart. Because he started really crying, and letting it all out. I just held him and told him everything would be ok and that I was here to hold him. I didn?t know what to do, I felt so helpless right then, I just wanted to make everything better for him. I started crying too. I?m halfway crying now. This is emotionally harder than I thought it would be. Last night was proof of that. I?ve never seen someone cry so hard for me. It makes me realize how lucky I am. I doubt a guy will ever cry like that for me again.

I don?t want to go, I just want to stay in Iowa, all this change is too much for me. I?m scared, I?m upset, I?m sad all the time, I don?t know what I?m gonna do in Cali. Hopefully I?m just getting lots of pre school jitters and everything will be fine. But it might not be.

Anyways?. Today was a really good day with Chris. There was lots of stress in the beginning with the post office and stuff, but then the plane ride was so fun. I thought we were just the 2 cutest little gay boys in the world, sitting on that plane, laughing and holding hands, tickling, and talking. We looked at Sky Mall and talked, and just generally had a great time. Eventually he left me ?go to sleep? but I really didn?t, I kept opening my eyes and just talking to him more. We laughed and had such a good time, and took cute pics of ourselves. Very cute.

I am gonna miss my Topher insanely after next week. It seems so weird that in a week I will be in California, away from everybody that I know. It?s very hard to think about. In between all my wanting to be sad and crying, I will have to be *extra* happy and cheerful so that I make friends. I just want to skip all of orientation and sit in my room and cry. Maybe I will.

Especially having to say good bye to Chris on Tuesday night instead of Wednesday morning. I don?t want to, but I feel it will make the goodbye easier. Well??. Nothing could really make that goodbye easier. It is very hard to say goodbye to someone who makes me feel the way he does, and to someone who really loves me, and to someone who thinks I?m sexy and sweet and smart. What if I never find that again? What if I don?t want to?

I feel weird being here, more on that later maybe. I just feel so ?? well it?s almost ashamed ? of everything. I just want to go to Cali and start my new life, away from my family?.. But I wish it was with my Topher.

The Day We Leave

Well here we are sitting in the airport. It’s 2:00 and our flight doesn’t board tell 3:30. I told my mom we didn’t need to be here this early, but she insisted on getting here early.

We did however get the woman to change our seats so we get to sit next to each other now, so that s really good. I’m excited for that. I would have been uber pissed if we hadn’t gottn the chance to sit next to each other on the flight.

I’m very excited for all of this, though very scared all at the same time. This’ll be the last time we have in DM tell at least December. Maybe longer.

The last couple days though have been really good. Though a bit frustrating.

Saturday he got home and we had a bit of a fight and a short bit of annoyance with each other. Though we got over it, and I appoligized and so did he.

After that was over we went out with Ginny to the mall and had a good time there, I found the pair of glasses that I want. I’m very happy with them. I will have to get get them though once I get back because the only sale they had going on was a sucky ass sale. You saved $165 when you buy TWO pairs of glasses, which I really don’t want.

Once we were done with that we drove downtown and went to Centro. Very good place. I had called earlied to get reservations, but they said they didn’t have any, so I was thinking that we’d have to sit in the bar. Ended up not having to, so that was good. Though I think the service would have been faster in the bar, so we would have actually made it to my plans.

The food was good, and we had a good talk. After that it was too late to get to where I wanted to go, so we went across the street to a parking garage and climbed to the top (All ten floors!!) And stood up there and watched the sun set. Which wasn’t cooperating with me, because it was cloudy. Affter that we drove to Camp Dodge and sat on the tanks overlooking the city. From there back to Saylorville where I was hoping that the moon would be high enough to light up the lake, but it wasn’t so we just sat there for a little bit then went back to my house and hot tubbed. That was nice, though I kept nearly bereaking out in tears.

Once we were done with that it was off to his house to get to bed. Which we did quickly.

Sunday, was a LONG ass day, We got up really early and went over to beak’s. Met up with them and went off to the fair.

That was Really fun, though iit was such a LONG day. Beak and Leper boy would NOT STOP EATING! Blarg BLARG!

We saw tons of good stuff, and it was very sad.
After the fiar we went back to Beak’s, showered, and then off to the drag show. It was pretty good and Jackson saved the show a couple times. Not the best, but still a really good show!

You could tell one time when the DJ played the wrong song for Jackson, he got REALLY mad and gave hima death stare! It was funny shit.

Once that was over we broke and went back to Andrew’s place, When we left I had turned on the over head lights in the living room to really low. I was hoping that we could come home and just lay on the couch, with the really dim lights and just talk for a bit. But we got home and there was far too much to do, so we just got it all done, and crazyness and went to bed.

I had a major breakdown. I felt really stupid for doing it. Mostly because I felt like Adam crying that much. I know that Angel was very annoyed when he cried when she was leaving. And I feel very stupid about crying so much now. Especially since no one else has cried yet either, and he doesn’t seem to be taking it near as hard as I am. Lol. Just like beak said,.

Ok, so I lied in that last paragraph. Beak cried too. It was so cute and sweet of her.

Anyways, today has been uber hectic. We went to the post office, they rejected us, we had to re-pack, and go back. Went to his school got his yearbook, I went home got my mom, made us lunch, etc.

Now here we are at the airport. The security was very confusing, since I haven’t flown in like 3 years or so. Eh, whatever.

Anyways, the point is that I can’t imagine saying goodbye today. I would not have been able to handle it.

Whatever, there’s a lot more that I should update about, but I just don’t feel like it right now.

Laters all!