Category: Not Published

One Last Time

So last night Andrew and I were laying in bed, and we wanted to make love one last time before he left.

I went and cleaned and everything, but then checked to make sure it was all good. Damn Cosby Kids didn’t want to go to the pool. Fuckers.

So we just made out and stuff. It was really good to get to do at least that much one last time.

I’m really really going to miss him so much. I put all the pictures on my computer and was doing a quick slide show so that he could see them all, and I just kept crying so much. I held them back mostly, but all the pictures are so cute, and so wonderful. They remind me of what a great guy he is, and was.

I’m so sad to see him going, and it sucks so much that he’s leaving. I have a feeling that Thursday morning I’ll be sitting in my office crying for a while. Hopefully Ramsey won’t be there, so I don’t have to kick him out of my office.

Anyways, my battery is dying, so I’ll have to go.

Laters

Goodbye A Day Early

So there’s really not too much to update about privately. We found out last night that we’re going to have to say goodbye on Tuesday night instead of Wed morning now. Because Sue has to leave on Tuesday afternoon to go to work.

That just really sucks because I wanted to have that time with him there at the airport. It’s very scary. I don’t want to be wondering around by myself there. I wan him to be there for me to hold me and stuff.

Last night was hard. Having him sleep in the bunk below me. It was just very annoying that we can’t sleep in the same bed. It’ll be nice in the hotel though. I think we’ll get to sleep there.

Lile drew said in his post, I’m going to miss him insanly. And I too am scared that I’ll never find someone again how treats me as well as he does.

Oh, last night he said that he had thought about letting me top. I thought that was uber sweet and meant so much to me. Though I couldn’t think of anything to say about it. I was like, Umm, thanks? lol. I just didn’t know what to say, but it really did mean a lot to me. Though, I know it won’t be happening before we leave. Or probably ever, he’s very tight! Lol.

Anyways, I’m going to go now before I started getting sad again.

Laters all!

Guestbook Signing

Wow, it seems like just yesterday that you graduated, but here it is three months laster and I’m just now signing this. Three months ago we were just starting our relatiosnip, just getting to know each other in the bf/bf sense. Back then it seemed like we had a long time together. But here it is already coming to a close. We’ve shared so much ofther the last year that we’ve known each other. You’ve gone from purple shirt boy to my wonderful boyfrine. You were there for me through my first breakup, my first full summer of not going to scouts and so much more. And you’ve been nothing but supportive. We’ve both grown so much over the last year, I’ve rid myself of someone who was just holding me down and gained someone who just keeps pushing me forward.

I just wish that we could have had so much more time together. I wish that we would have talked log ago. There are so many things that I wish I had, and now I’m regretting not getting those. Our time together was so short and I can only hope that sometime in the future our paths will cross again.

Andrew, you mean so much to me, after these three months together I realisze that this is the first time I’ve actually been in love. I’ve never been moved the way tI have been with you. No one has ever been so great to me as you have been.

Who ever gets you as a bf in cali had better realize what a great guy the are getting and I hope that you realize what a wonderfull guy you are.

Love,
Topher

A Lunch Date

You know, right now I don’t know who to be more annoyed at. Courtney or Andrew.

Today’s the second time in a week that she’s tried to take away from the time that Andrew and I ALWAYS spend together. It’s getting pretty annoying.

At first the plans were for him to go over to Courtney’s house, and have lunch there. I really wasn’t that upset about it though because it was her mom that was wanting to cook him a dinner. I can understand why I wouldn’t be invited to that. It was her families food, etc.

Well now the plan is that him, Courtney and Jean from work are going to go out to a resturant for lunch. This fairly annoys me more. I don’t see why I couldn’t have been invited to go out to the resturant as well. I mean, it’s not like I’d be a HUGE inconvience, or ruin their together time.

You know, back a couple weeks ago, something happened where someone wanted him to do something on a weekend, and only him. But he told them no because it was our time together. But now he’s just making plans without me.

Though, I know, or at least am pretty sure, he’s not doing it on purpose. Last night he read my private entry from the other day. And just broke down crying.

I couldn’t tell though what kind of crying it was, and he wouldn’t talk to me about it. So I had no idea if he was crying because he was upset that I felt that way, or if he was upset because it was true, or what.

I just really feel like shit lately. I feel like I’m putting way to much pressure on him, and taking away to much of his time from other people. Though I think that I’m justified in asking for the time together.

I really want our last few days together here in Iowa to be great. I’ve had so much planned, but I have a feeling that some of those things will get ruined because I’m a bit upset about the way that I’m acting.

Also another thing about the way that he’s acting. The other day when we were in the mall I went to hold his hand, and he pulled away from me. Then I tried kissing him on the check and pulled away again. I asked him what the problem was and he said that he felt uncomfortable doing that in public. But the thing is that we’ve held hands/kissed in that mall tons of times before. I just don’t see what the difference was that day. I was just a bit saddened by that.

A Simple Phone Call

So I’m pretty fucking pissed off right now.

Last night I spent the night at home, alone. Packing and getting ready to go on this trip. I was in a very emotional, spent most of the night trying to watch Lucy, but just crying.

I really didn’t want to call Andrew, mostly because I would have just broken down crying on the phone with him, but also because I wanted to see if he would call me.

I call every Thursday night, and every night that he goes out with his friends. If he’s not online by the time that I get ready to go to bed. I just give him a quick 5 minute phone call to say goodnight and wish him a happy evening.

I didn’t do this at first in our relationship, and he got mad that I never called him. Well tonight he didn’t call me.

I’m sorry if this sounds like an unreasonable request. I realize that it’s the last time he’ll see two of his best friends, but I think that he could have taken 5 minutes to give me a call, just to say goodnight to the person that he supposedly loves.

You know, I don’t really ask for much in this relationship. I’m here and I typically will go with anything. The only time that I’ve ever really had a problem with going with his plans was when we were to go out with the girls last Friday night. But since I was a good bf, or at least trying to be. I was going to give it a shot.

But I don’t think that this is an unreasonable request, to take 5 minutes, he had enough time to call SDSU, but not enough time to call me and say goodnight. I’m sure he had time once he got home to do stuff online, but not enough time to call me.

I’m sorry, but that just really hurts. There’s been a few other things lately that have been hurting me as well. Some of it makes me think if he really does feel the same way that I do.

For examply, he hardly ever asks me how my day was. That typically the first thing I try and ask him. Because I want to know how his day went, I want to know what kind of mood he’s in. And if something went wrong during the day, I want to be there to try and solve the problem.

Lately he really hasn’t been there for me.