Category: Not Published

Stupid People

I’m very mad at my “friends” currently. They yet again all went out without me. Fuckers.

And that’s all I’m now in the mood to say. Grr at them all.

Lets talk about something else!
Andrew’s coming back soon! And I’m way excited!

I can’t wait to get to hold him, and cuddle with him, and do cute sweet things with him. And hopefully by then, both of us will be much less stressed out and we can just sit around and have a good time the WHOLE month!

It’ll be way exciting, and I’m so excited to give him his presents. I just really hope that he likes them. I put a lot of thought in to them all. But they depend on things happening, and so far all the things that are happening, are ruining the presents. Grrrr at life once again. But I still hope that he likes them, and that he can find uses for them all.

😀 I’m way excited for him to return! I can’t wait!

Ranked Feelings.

Last night we have a very big fight. A fight that shouldn’t have happened. But I’m not in the wrong here. As I said at the end of one of my other entries. “Most of all, I want to know that he’s going to change to make me happy, the same way that I’ve changed to make him happy.” Obviously he’s not going to do that, and it hurts greatly.

The whole drinking thing, why must it be such a big deal really. Because it’s not. I ask that he not do it, and when he does, I get annoyed, hurt, sad, yes even mad. It’s something that I feel strongly about, and I disapprove of it. I just don’t see why he can’t understand that. I just don’t see why he feels the need to drink, why. You can still go out and have a good time and not get drunk.

Honestly, I don’t know if I can handle it all. If I had talked to him yesterday morning, if we had fought yesterday morning as we did last night, it would have been the end. And at the point that we were at last night, I didn’t know if I even wanted him living with me when he comes back to Iowa. I just, I just didn’t feel it.

And now, he still has the away message up that he put up lat night, he hasn’t been to my website, he hasn’t updated. It makes me nervous, scared. My mind runs a bit wild. And I hate it. I hate not knowing what happened, if things are alright, if he’s alright. I hate not knowing, and every minute I don’t know, I get just a little bit madder about the whole situation.

Last night he said that I was trying to control him. I don’t really think that I’m trying to control him. I’m ASKING him to not do something that I strongy disapprove of. And YES, when he goes and does it, even though I don’t like it, and have asked him not to, I WILL get mad about it. I jsut don’t see how he can not follow this logic here. It seems perfectly clear to me.

When I make fun of him, about making out with randoms, or any of the other many things that he’s ASKED me not to do, he gets mad/annoyed at me. It’s the exact same thing. Only here, I’m completely out of line according to him.

Anyways, I have to go to a meeting. I shall finish this later.

Edit://
Well, I’m back. But not anymore in the mood to write this. So I’m going to go do some actual work.

A Weekend Together

So I guess I’ll go ahead and write a quick update about our weekend.

Friday morning getting to see him was tons of fun again! I think the major thing that really kept me going through the day was having him back here… There’s no way I could have stayed up for 40 hours without something keeping me going! lol.

Breakfast was good, and we both decided that we liked Chicago. I thought it would be a nice place to live, though I don’t think I could live there for more then a few years, with all the snow/winter and stuff. I don’t know, I’ll have to wait and see how I like Cali first. I might end up wanting to live in the snow and stuff. Who knows really?

The aquarium was great, tons of fun! 😉 We made out in the underground thing, watching the dolphins and stuff, very cute.

The ride home was nice, and it was again good to have someone to hold their hand on the drive. I enjoy that. Though I got the notion that he doesn’t so much.

Friday night we got home, and after a bit of a make out session went to dinner, again good. Came home, and after everyone left, we ended up making love. It was so great to again have those feelings with him, and to make love with him. Ohhh so great. 😀

Saturday was good, as I stated in my other journal. Hot tubing was nice, and it’s always so much more fun with him in there… Drove back to Ames, I think we both wanted to do stuff, but I know I was just way to tired, so we didn’t do anything that night.

It’s kind of annoying the way things happen when he’s back, before he left, there was a large amount of kissing/making out before things ever happen, but now when he’s back, we always seem to be really rushed to get things done. And almost every time we turn making out, or just kissing into something more. When sometimes, I’d like to just lay there and kiss him, and hold him.

I guess it’s just going to happen though, we haven’t seen each other in so long, you’ve got to at least try to make up for everything that’s been missed, eh?

Sunday was a great day as well, we got a lot more time to just hang around with each other. Though we also did a lot of other things. I was glad that he finally got to meet my aunt too. And it was always so cute when he gets around a small child. So cute!

Sunday night, I had created a play list that I wanted to play for him, just 5 songs or so. So we went into the bedroom, and I started it up. He just kept talking, so finally I was like, “Shhh” And we just laid there and kissed.

Eventually the second to last song came on, “Leaving on a jet plane”. I figured if anything was going to make him cry, it’d be that song. And it sure did. I had no idea how much it would affect him. We laid there, and he cried through it all. And I laid there and held him, and felt like shit for making him cry so much. That’s not what I wanted to do. Then after it was over he was like, “Don’t let it play again.” And I just felt so bad, and I was also a bit mad at him for being so mean about it. I just want to lay there and listen to some romanticish songs that really exemplified the situation we were in. I was just annoyed about it all.

Anyways, after a while we ended up making love again. And it was again really nice. We tried in the shower, but that didn’t work. But then, it usually doesn’t. Moved from there to the living room, and made love in the papzan chair that I have. That was really nice. After a while, we moved into the bedroom, where he finished up. He came inside me again, and as always, it was a wonderful feeling. I wish we could do that every time. 🙂

Went to bed after that, and got up the next morning, drove to Chicago.

It was sad to see him go again. I cried a bit, and was really upset. I hate seeing him go. I also got a bit annoyed at him, because he didn’t cry, and it just made me really embarrassed to be crying. I’m over it now. But it did annoy me a bit that he didn’t cry.

I am very excited to see him again over Christmas break, and can’t wait to see him come down those stairs at the DM airport.

In other news though, I have no idea what to get him for our 6-month, or his b-day. I have the present for Christmas, though the more and more I think about it, the less and less I think he’ll like it/use it. So I don’t know what to do about that. IT’s very frustrating. I really want to get him something sweet, but I’ve mostly run out of ideas, or the ones that are left have already been done for him. Fucking previous boyfriends.

I’m also a bit worried because he said that he was thinking about getting me something that he made out to be fairly expensive. Which is something I REALLY don’t want. I don’t want him to spend more then like $20 or so. We both really need to save, and shouldn’t be spending our money on presents for each other.

And while we’re on the topic of presents, I was also a bit upset because he keeps rubbing it in that I don’t remember exactly when/what he gave me for our anniversaries. Now, I can see that he might be a bit upset that I don’t remember. But you know what. I really do try my hardest to remember everything he’s gotten me. There’s been so many wonderful gifts that it is hard at times, but given sometime to think about it, I could probably list everything he has gotten me. Anyways, in short, it just upsets me that he rubs it in that I can’t remember every little detail. Sorry that I don’t have as great a memory, but I can’t help that, I do my best.