Not Published – Page 58

Quite Messy

(17:55:09) Andrew: hi honey
(17:55:09) Me : Homework!
(17:59:07) Me: Hi honey, what’s up?
(17:59:17) Andrew: brb potty
(17:59:20) Me: k
(18:01:52) Andrew: k
(18:02:14) Me: so what’s up, how was class?
(18:02:21) Andrew: stupid, we had a quiz
(18:02:28) Me: What about?
(18:03:01) Andrew: profits and losses and stuff
(18:03:02) Andrew: price seekers/takers
(18:03:07) Me: Ahhh, Good stuff.
(18:03:07) Me: lol
(18:03:22) Andrew: yeah not really..
(18:03:50) Me: So what else is up?
(18:04:32) Andrew: nothing
(18:04:35) Andrew: just got back
(18:04:47) Me: Alright. So why are you still mad?
(18:05:19) Andrew: imnot!
(18:05:27) Me: then why are you being so short?
(18:05:36) Andrew: im not!
(18:05:54) Andrew: you know that all did was go to class so i dont know what kind of answer you except when you say whats up
(18:06:15) Me: Fine then. How about you finish telling me what we were talking about earlier?
(18:06:38) Andrew: there wasnt much else, i was just debating whether id make more in iowa
(18:06:40) Andrew: but im gonna stay here
(18:06:43) Andrew: so it doens tmatter
(18:07:18) Me: alright
(18:07:26) Andrew: what have you been doing
(18:07:55) Me: work, class, group work, sitting around.
(18:08:05) Andrew: how was the group?
(18:08:26) Me: Horrible, they are all so stupid, and no one has anything done yet, and the stupid bitch girl didn’t show up YET AGAIN.
(18:08:36) Andrew: that sucks
(18:08:38) Andrew: whens it due?
(18:08:41) Me: April 22nd
(18:09:23) Andrew: well you still have a month
(18:09:28) Andrew: when do you start working at old navy?
(18:09:42) Me: I don’t know, she hasn’t called me back yet.
(18:09:56) Andrew: oh
(18:10:00) Andrew: get a call back from that other guy?
(18:10:26) Me: Nope.
(18:10:33) Me: He must not want to talk to me that badly.
(18:14:16) Me: Justin finally txted me back today. He wants to stay here tonight. I guess things are really bad with his boy.
(18:15:22) Andrew: why what happend?
(18:15:35) Me: I dunno, he didn’t go into details. Where’d you go though?
(18:15:52) Andrew: jess came to the door
(18:15:54) Andrew: are you gonna let him stay?
(18:16:02) Me: Yeah, I figured I would.
(18:16:10) Andrew: so whens he coming over?
(18:16:16) Me: I dunno. He said he’d call.
(18:16:24) Me: I’m going to make him sleep on the couch.
(18:16:43) Andrew: ok
(18:16:46) Andrew: you can have his ass if you want
(18:16:55) Me: lol. I don’t think you mean that. 😛
(18:17:24) Andrew: sure i do
(18:17:26) Andrew: as long as i can have byrons
(18:17:31) Andrew: or caseys
(18:17:35) Me: Well you can’t.
(18:17:46) Me: We’re not in an open relationship, last I checked. 😛
(18:18:10) Andrew: fine then!
(18:18:19) Me: ?
(18:18:21) Andrew: lol
(18:18:29) Andrew: i can wait till your booty gets here
(18:18:52) Me: I can’t wait tell my booty gets there either, so that I can have booty. 😛
(18:20:16) Andrew: whose booty you getting?
(18:20:31) Me: I’m sure we’ll find one… And if not, I’m taking yours. 😛
(18:20:42) Andrew: nopers
(18:20:43) Andrew: never
(18:20:59) Me: If I rape you.
(18:21:11) Andrew: ill dump you
(18:21:18) Me: But I’ll at least have your booty.
(18:21:25) Andrew: im sure it would be worth it
(18:21:37) Me: That tight ass, I’m sure it would be.
(18:22:27) Andrew: stop youre getting me excited
(18:22:37) Me: Why should I stop.
(18:22:47) Me: I’m sure byron and casey would like a piece of that hot ass too.
(18:22:59) Andrew: probably they would
(18:23:02) Andrew: i have class soon
(18:23:05) Andrew: and im already horny
(18:23:21) Me: So, IM byron and have him come over.
(18:23:31) Me: You can make it a quicky.
(18:23:37) Andrew: mr booty isnt clean
(18:23:48) Me: I bet his is.
(18:24:10) Andrew: lol
(18:24:11) Andrew: hes not on
(18:24:24) Me: Sure he is… He just has an away message up.
(18:25:09) Andrew: well than that means he isnt there
(18:25:16) Me: No it doesn’t.
(18:25:33) Me: I have an away message up 90% of the time I’m at my computer.
(18:25:39) Andrew: you keep telling me that i can fuck him and one day im just gonna
(18:25:59) Me: Well you keep telling me I can fuck Justin and one day I’m just gonna.
(18:26:11) Andrew: fine then, i guess were even
(18:26:17) Andrew: well both fuck someone else, then reconvene and fuck each other
(18:26:26) Me: I don’t like that plan.
(18:27:14) Andrew: you dont like the plan where youcan fuck me?
(18:27:26) Me: I don’t like the plan where we fuck other people.
(18:27:32) Me: I love the plan when I can fuck you.
(18:27:36) Andrew: well you cant
(18:27:41) Me: I know.
(18:27:41) Andrew: 😛
(18:27:45) Me: So stop being so mean about it.
(18:28:30) Andrew: im not mean about it
(18:28:37) Me: ) Andrew: well you cant
(18:28:47) Me: And you’re teasing me again about it.
(18:28:47) Andrew: im joking
(18:28:49) Me: That’s pretty mean.
(18:29:14) Andrew: its mean to make you think that you can fuck my hott ass?
(18:29:23) Me: Yes
(18:29:32) Andrew: oh i didnt realzie
(18:29:42) Me: You did too, we’ve talked about it before.
(18:29:53) Me: And why are you being so snide, or whatever.
(18:29:54) Andrew: im clearly joking through all of this
(18:30:29) Me: Yeah, but you’re still teasing me.
(18:30:51) Andrew: k im done
(18:30:59) Me: What is wrong with you?
(18:31:28) Andrew: nothings wrong with me, thanks
(18:31:46) Me: I think that something is.
(18:32:19) Andrew: im having a bad day, like i told you
(18:32:27) Me: So why are you taking it out on me?
(18:32:38) Me: Why don’t you talk to me about it more, like I asked you to do?
(18:33:15) Andrew: i already told you abou tit
(18:33:21) Andrew: and then getting into a fight with you didnt really make the day better
(18:34:01) Me: Well I’m sorry we got into a fight because I can’t afford to go over my minutes, which you know that I can’t do, and I tell you everytime we talk during the day.
(18:34:23) Andrew: it has ntohing to do with that b/c i understand that and you know it b/c i have the same issue
(18:34:28) Andrew: its how mean you were about it
(18:34:34) Andrew: and im not even mad about that anymore
(18:34:46) Me: Then why are you being so mean to me right now?!?
(18:34:54) Andrew: IM NOT
(18:34:56) Andrew: how am i being mean?
(18:35:41) Me: Andrew: nothings wrong with me, thanks
Andrew: k im done
(18:35:42) Me: etc.
(18:36:08) Andrew: you were geting all upset with me
(18:36:17) Me: I was not, you were being upset with me!
(18:36:20) Andrew: and asking me “whats wrong with you?” isnt the most endearing way to find out if somethings wrong
(18:36:28) Andrew: no you were getting all annoyed about me teasing you when iw as just joking
(18:37:02) Me: Well you know what, I asked you once before in this conversation what’s wrong, and you said nothing. And obviosuly something WAS wrong, what else did you want me to say to ask?
(18:37:36) Andrew: but nothing is wrong
(18:37:45) Me: YEs something IS wrong, you’re mad at me.
(18:38:02) Andrew: im not mad at you but im getting frustrated
(18:38:12) Me: Well then WHY DON’T YOU TALK TO ME ABOUT IT.
(18:38:20) Andrew: im getting annoyed with this right now
(18:38:24) Andrew: what we are arguing over
(18:38:34) Andrew: and im annoyed that you snapped at me earlier and annoyed that you siad “whast wrong with you”
(18:38:41) Andrew: happy?
(18:39:47) Me: No, I’m not happy. Look I’m sorry that I was so rude to you earlier, but you KNOW that I can’t talk forever during the day, and you call me all the time and talk and talk about things that could be talked about later at night. I’d love to be able to talk to you about all that stuff, but when you said “can I call you for a minute” I thought you meant for a minute.
(18:40:02) Me: And what else do you want me to ask you when you’re obviously being annoyed about something and not telling me when I ask?
(18:40:18) Me: You’re getting MAD at me over things that you SHOULDN’T be getting mad at me about.
(18:40:46) Me: I’m sorry that you had a bad day, and I’d love to be able to talk to you for hours about it, but I just can’t
(18:40:50) Andrew: well you dont need to phrase it as “whats wrong with you” its so derogatory
(18:40:57) Andrew: why couldnt you say ‘is something wrong are you ok’
(18:41:00) Andrew: not whats wrong with youi
(18:41:01) Me: Well I ASKED YOU ONCE, AND YOU DIDN”T TELL ME.
(18:41:05) Andrew: that just pisses me off
(18:41:08) Andrew: when did you ask me??????
(18:41:25) Me: (18:04:47) Me: Alright. So why are you still mad?
18:05
(18:05:19) Andrew: imnot!
(18:05:27) Me: then why are you being so short?
(18:41:39) Andrew: but i wasnt mad
(18:41:43) Andrew: you didnt even have any right to ask me that
(18:41:52) Me: YES I DID!
(18:42:05) Me: What the can I do to make you happy? NOthing?
(18:42:37) Andrew: you can be a little more sensitive towards my feelings
(18:42:44) Andrew: when you say things like whats wrong with you it doesnt really sound like you care
(18:43:01) Me: Well you know what, when you don’t talk to me.
(18:43:12) Me: And I asked you once what was wrong, you didn’t talk to me.
(18:43:12) Andrew: I WAS TALKING TO YOU
(18:43:16) Me: You were not.
(18:43:31) Andrew: you didnt ask what was wrong you said are you still mad
(18:43:34) Andrew: and i responded with no
(18:43:35) Andrew: that i wasnt
(18:43:42) Andrew: and you still thought something was wrong b/c you dont believe me
(18:43:44) Me: Well you could have told me what WAS WRONG THEN!
(18:43:59) Me: Do I have to DRAG everything out of you?
(18:44:15) Me: Why can’t you openly talk to me and say.. “Hey, I’m just a little annoyed aabout thing, and I’ve had a bad day”
(18:44:28) Andrew: b/c i wasnt fucking annoyed
(18:44:35) Andrew: after you txt me back i was fine with everything
(18:44:49) Andrew: i wasnt mad at you anymore i was still having a bad day but nothing involving you
(18:44:59) Andrew: then i get here and you just accuse me of being mad and having something wrong with me
(18:45:14) Me: I did not accuse you of being mad, I asked if you were still mad.
(18:45:23) Andrew: and i said no
(18:45:27) Andrew: and then you couldnt let it go
(18:45:28) Me: And when you’re being SHORT with me what else am I to take away from that?
(18:45:50) Andrew: i wasnt even being short
(18:45:56) Me: YOU WERE TOO!
(18:46:16) Andrew: ok whatever you say
(18:46:22) Andrew: this is a reallys tupid argument
(18:46:24) Me: Fuck it. I’m done arguing with you.
(18:46:33) Andrew: oh ok fuck it’
(18:46:34) Me: Obviously nothing I can do will make anything any better.
(18:46:34) Andrew: good
(18:46:36) Andrew: im going to class
(18:46:38) Me: Just go to class.
(18:46:39) Me: Bye
(18:47:10) Andrew: dont tell me what to do
(18:47:11) Andrew: bye
(18:47:14) Me: GOOD BYE
(18:47:31) Andrew has gone away.
(18:47:37) Andrew is no longer away.
(18:47:41) Andrew: you are mean
(18:47:42) Andrew: bye
(18:47:44) Me: Bye
(18:47:47) Me: You’re the one being mean.
(18:47:50) Andrew: no im not
(18:47:51) Me: I’m just trying to fucking talk to you
(18:47:53) Andrew: youre the one accusing me
(18:47:57) Me: Nothing I can do will make you think that.
(18:48:03) Andrew: i said that i wasnt mad
(18:48:05) Andrew: and you wouldnt drop it
(18:48:07) Andrew: so how am i mean?
(18:48:08) Me: I’m not ACCUSING YOU OF ANYTHING.
(18:48:14) Andrew: ok fine
(18:48:16) Me: Bye
(18:48:23) Andrew: there it is
(18:48:24) Andrew: mean
(18:48:25) Andrew: bye
(18:48:28) Me: Bye
(18:48:29) Me: bye
(18:48:29) Me: bye
(18:48:30) Me: bye
(18:48:30) Me: bye
(18:48:37) Andrew: god youre a jerk
(18:48:45) Me: You’re the jerk
(18:48:50) Andrew: ok
(18:48:51) Andrew: fine
(18:48:51) Me: I was just trying to talk to you
(18:48:54) Me: and find out what was wrong.
(18:48:59) Andrew: and i told you nothing
(18:48:59) Me: You weren’t talking to me.
(18:49:01) Andrew: and you didnt believe me
(18:49:06) Andrew: and now youre just being nasty
(18:49:10) Me: BUT OBVIOSLY SOMETHING WAS WRONG
(18:49:17) Me: You’re being nasty to me too
(18:49:17) Me: thanks.
(18:49:25) Andrew: but nothing was wrong and you couldnt belive me when i said it
(18:49:25) Andrew: you never believe me
(18:49:29) Andrew: and i dont have time to argue about it
(18:49:42) Me: I did believe you. but you STILL didn’t act like nothing was wrong.
(18:49:47) Me: So how can I believe that.
(18:49:58) Andrew: i dont see how i was ating like anything was wrong
(18:50:14) Me: Because you were being short and snide to me.
(18:50:24) Andrew: most of what you considered snide, i was just joking
(18:50:30) Andrew: nothing was snide at all
(18:50:39) Me: Well it didn’t come accross that way.
(18:50:41) Andrew: youre being a little sensitive
(18:50:44) Me: ME
(18:50:49) Me: ME? Being sensitive/
(18:50:49) Andrew: yes YOU
(18:50:51) Me: I think not.
(18:50:56) Me: YYOU ARE THE ONE BEING SENSITIVE HERE!
(18:51:06) Andrew: ok
(18:51:16) Andrew: i guess im just overly sensitive
(18:51:20) Me: Yeah, you are.
(18:51:24) Me: Look at yourself.
(18:51:30) Me: Everything I say, you get mad at me about.
(18:51:32) Andrew: what the FUCK is that supposed to mean?
(18:51:36) Andrew: i dont even want to talk to you right now
(18:51:37) Andrew: goodybe
(18:51:40) Me: I ask you what’s wrong, you get mad, I tell you I can’t talk You get mad.
(18:51:40) Andrew: goodbye
(18:51:41) Me: Goodbye
(18:51:44) Me: fuck you.
(18:51:59) Andrew: i cant belive you just said that
(18:52:03) Andrew: dont fucking talk to me
(18:52:07) Me: fine.
(18:52:08) Me: good bye.
(18:52:11) Andrew has gone away.
(18:52:21) Me: You fuck off.
(18:52:21) Andrew : FUCK OFF
(18:52:28) Me: I was just trying to fucking talk to you, and you get mad at me.
(18:52:29) Andrew : FUCK OFF
(18:52:44) Andrew is no longer away.
(18:52:52) Andrew: now that youve got me incredibly upset and crying i hope youre happy
(18:52:53) Andrew: im leaving now
(18:52:54) Andrew: for real
(18:52:57) Andrew: goodbye
(18:53:02) Me: Well I’m not happy that you’re crying.
(18:53:08) Andrew has gone away.
(18:53:11) Andrew is no longer away.
(18:53:16) Me: I just wish you could talk to me when I try talking to you, and not get mad at me.
(18:53:24) Andrew has gone away.
(18:53:34) Me: Fine, you can call me.
(18:53:35) Andrew : worst. day. ever.
(18:53:37) Me: good bye
(19:03:26) Andrew has become idle.

The whole thing started because I asked him. “What’s wrong with you.” because I simply wanted to know why he was so obviously upset about something.

You know, I honestly don’t think I did ANYTHING wrong here. But apparently I did.

I’m sorry for whatever it was.

Looking To The Forward

March 7th
So, as I just stated this weekend was really good. Lots of fun stuff happened, and Andrew and I had a great time together.

It was a bit annoying Thursday night because everytime Andrew and I would kiss, Mike would laugh or make some strange noise or something. Andrew thinks that his problem is that he ‘liked’ seeing us together and he’s upset and questioning his sexuality. My thoughts are that Mikes really got a thing for Andrew and seeing him with someone else upset him. Who knows for sure. We could both be completely wrong.

Thursday night through we did lay in bed and kiss for a while. Went to sleep and sometime in the middle of the night I woke up and we started making out. Then before I knew it, I was giving him a bj. I don’t have any idea where that came from. I do remember starting to kiss him, but I was just kissing him, then we started to hard-core make out, and before I knew it, whew!

It was really nice though. And I got to make him cum with just a bj again. It was just really nice. 😀

Umm, we tried to make love on Friday morning, but that really didn’t work out very well. We tried doing it in the closet because we were affraid of someone coming in. Found out that the closest wasn’t big enough. lol.

Friday night I was way too tired to do anything, though I really wanted too. It was nice to just get to spend the night with him and hang out and watch Cranberries.

Saturday night through we made love in the shower, and then in his room. The shower was really hot, and we did it in there forever! I wonder if his suite mates were home and wondering what the hell was going on in there. It was really nice through to get the chance to do all that with him again, and get to share those experiences again. It’s been way to long. After the shower we went into his room and tried a whole bunch of new posistions and everything. It was really hot! 😀 I hope that he enjoyed it as much as I did.

After that we just laid in his bed and reminiced about times past and all the good times we’ve had together. We both said that we’d like to relive this past summer, because it was really good and tons of fun. I hope that we have another summer like it soon. I have a feeling that my time living in Cali is going to be filled with lots of short weekend trips to places. Speaking of which, we did decide that we weren’t going to go to Sea World over spring break because it’s too expensive, like $50!

We also talked about some of the fights we had. I don’t know why exactly we talked about them, but we did. He also quized me on the gifts he’s gotten me. Well alright, he didn’t really quiz me, but we talked about them. He still seems to think he hasn’t relaly gotten me any REALLY good gifts. I think that he has. And speaking of which, he got me this REALLY cute picture holder while I was here. As well as a really cute card. I felt bad for not getting him anything though. ;(

Overall the weekend was REALLY good, and even though I’m insanly stressed about moving out there, I’m also really excited.

Speaking of moving there really quick, he’s decided that I’m living in the Glassell Apartments, which are like RIGHT on campus. lol. It’s cute, and if the price is right, I would consider actually living there. I’ll have to call and see about that information.

Also found lots of new places to try and apply. Ditech.com, and a bunch of others. I’m going to have to really stress my brain to remmeber them all though. Also going to go to the chapman website cause they’re having a career fair. I’ll have to look up all the companies and apply to them all.

Well, that’s about all I have to write about.

Laters!

Wasn’t Going To

I wasn’t going to write about this, but I’m really annoyed now.

I didn’t get a card on V-day.

Now, that probably sounds relaly stupid. But when you don’t have any CONTACT with your bf, and some holiday like this comes up… What’s the ONE THING you would expect.

That’s right… a CARD! But nope, i didn’t get one.

We got into it about it, and he said that he was busy and was late getting it in the mail!

Yeah, was he ever late. He put it in the mail ON V-DAY! That’s NOT JUST LATE!

Yeah, so I’ll get it a whole week after the day.

You know he knew it was going to be that late, so at least an e-card SURE WOULD HAVE BEEN NICE TO HAVE! Or maybe some cheap flowers from Hy-Vee, he could have done that for less then $10, which is what it cost me to send him that box of stuff with his card in it. I really just want to say, “Fuck you” right now, but I know I shouldn’t, I’m just very upset by the whole thing. But it’s not that big of a deal. I’ll get over it.

I’m very annoyed by this, and hurt. Thanks alot.

Bye.

Around The Globe

Well, here I am sitting in my Apartment. You’d think that by now I’d be used to not having Andrew around any. After all this time that we’ve been apart already, it should get easier to be here alone. But it’s really not.

I went back tonight and read all the updates from August. And all those feeling are coming back, so strongly. I know I haven’t really written much about how I miss him so much lately. I think that if I don’t write it, I don’t feel it. But I do feel it, and as I sit here and remember how hard it was to leave him back in August, and how horrible those first couple weeks were, all that time tell he came back and told me how much he loved me. I’m remembering how hard all that was, and it really isn’t much easier now.

I remember that great trip that we had in mid August and all the fun that we had just sitting in his grandpa’s house watching TV all day, and playing video games. That trip to NY, and to the ocean. The trip to his school. I really wish we could have gone past his old house. I would have enjoyed seeing that.

I go back and I look at those pictures that we took the night we were saying goodbye, and I see how read our eyes are from the crying, and I remember how horrible it was. I remember how I wished after leaving him that it had gone differently. I always wished that I could have had one last kiss that night, or one last hug. One extra I love you. Just that night. I know it doesn’t really seem to make much sence. But the whole ride back to my hotel… I was just wishing that we could have had one more last kiss, more then just the peck on the lips that we had… One last passionate kiss.

This weekend I missed him so much more then I have in a long time. Having V-day come and go, and all I had was a phone call. And having to watch all those other homos at the conference walk around with their bf’s and kissing and holding hands and being cute. I hated them all, I just wanted to walk around and show them all HOW cute my boyfriend was, and how special we are. How great we are to be able to hold together a relationship over such a great distance.

I know we’ve had problems lately, but they’re minor. And Andrew said something lsat night that really made me feel better… That it was a good that we got along so much better when we’re together. He said it shows that we’re meant to be together and not apart.

Now if only the togetherness would come faster.

I really wanted to fly out there this weekend, it was only $250. I just wish there would be somewhere for me to stay. I really really wanted to see him this weekend. I wanted to hold him and have him make love to me again. I want him to whisper in my ear again, like he did the first time. It was so passionate, so loving…”I want to make love to you”. I remember those words, and how he said them. I could hear it in his voice that he loved me so much.

I’m so happy to have him, I’m so happy that he loves me so much. And that I love him.

How Do You?

How am I supposed to take it when he says, “I don’t want to get annoyed at you everytime we talk.”

How? I ask. Because apparently I took it wrong, being upset by that, isn’t what I was supposed to do.

And you know, it’s true. Nearly everytime we’ve talked one of us gets annoyed at the other person for something. Wether it be that I say i want to make out with someone, or he doesn’t ask me how my day is going, or some other stupid fucking thing.

It’s getting all very disheartening. I really don’t like it.

I miss him so much, and I want him to be here so badly. But yet when I get upset about something he doesn’t seem to want to fix it.

He says that I do the same things, get mad at him when he’s upset about something, but at least I don’t just say, “Alright, be mad.” Or something along those lines. I TRY to understand why he’s mad.

This last talk we had just made me even more mad, because it seemed as though he just wanted to get back to whatever he was doing and not try and talk to me. And try and fix my upsetness.

I honestly don’t know what’s happening and it’s scaring me alot. We’ve been aruging way to much lately. There’s not enough time in the day to talk about anything, and he’s ALWAYS off to go somewhere else or doing something else while he’s talking to me.

All that I really want is for some time to just talk to him. No other distractions, no “I have to go because of ____” none of that. I JUST WANT US TIME.

And now he’s going and thinking about adding even MORE hours to his schedule. I honestly don’t think that’s going to be a good idea. I REALLY don’t.

And what really annoys me most is that I always feel that once we get off the phone from an argument, or an annoyance, he goes and talks to all his friends and I’m sure he tells them about it. And I feel so horrible about that because I don’t want them to think poorly of me. I don’t want this to be an Adam and I relationship. Only this time it’s me causing all the problems. And he’s the one talking to someone else about how bad our realtionship is. I don’t want that at all. Because that’s not the way that our relationship is.

I hate this. Being apart. I hate it. I hate it a lot.

I want him to be here, and to sleep with him every night. I want to come home and kiss him and have him on my couch, I want to go out with him, I want to cook him supper.

I want what we had during the month of January for the rest of my life. It was the best month of my life, and I want it for the rest of it. I want him back here.