Well, here I am sitting in my Apartment. You’d think that by now I’d be used to not having Andrew around any. After all this time that we’ve been apart already, it should get easier to be here alone. But it’s really not.
I went back tonight and read all the updates from August. And all those feeling are coming back, so strongly. I know I haven’t really written much about how I miss him so much lately. I think that if I don’t write it, I don’t feel it. But I do feel it, and as I sit here and remember how hard it was to leave him back in August, and how horrible those first couple weeks were, all that time tell he came back and told me how much he loved me. I’m remembering how hard all that was, and it really isn’t much easier now.
I remember that great trip that we had in mid August and all the fun that we had just sitting in his grandpa’s house watching TV all day, and playing video games. That trip to NY, and to the ocean. The trip to his school. I really wish we could have gone past his old house. I would have enjoyed seeing that.
I go back and I look at those pictures that we took the night we were saying goodbye, and I see how read our eyes are from the crying, and I remember how horrible it was. I remember how I wished after leaving him that it had gone differently. I always wished that I could have had one last kiss that night, or one last hug. One extra I love you. Just that night. I know it doesn’t really seem to make much sence. But the whole ride back to my hotel… I was just wishing that we could have had one more last kiss, more then just the peck on the lips that we had… One last passionate kiss.
This weekend I missed him so much more then I have in a long time. Having V-day come and go, and all I had was a phone call. And having to watch all those other homos at the conference walk around with their bf’s and kissing and holding hands and being cute. I hated them all, I just wanted to walk around and show them all HOW cute my boyfriend was, and how special we are. How great we are to be able to hold together a relationship over such a great distance.
I know we’ve had problems lately, but they’re minor. And Andrew said something lsat night that really made me feel better… That it was a good that we got along so much better when we’re together. He said it shows that we’re meant to be together and not apart.
Now if only the togetherness would come faster.
I really wanted to fly out there this weekend, it was only $250. I just wish there would be somewhere for me to stay. I really really wanted to see him this weekend. I wanted to hold him and have him make love to me again. I want him to whisper in my ear again, like he did the first time. It was so passionate, so loving…”I want to make love to you”. I remember those words, and how he said them. I could hear it in his voice that he loved me so much.
I’m so happy to have him, I’m so happy that he loves me so much. And that I love him.