How am I supposed to take it when he says, “I don’t want to get annoyed at you everytime we talk.”
How? I ask. Because apparently I took it wrong, being upset by that, isn’t what I was supposed to do.
And you know, it’s true. Nearly everytime we’ve talked one of us gets annoyed at the other person for something. Wether it be that I say i want to make out with someone, or he doesn’t ask me how my day is going, or some other stupid fucking thing.
It’s getting all very disheartening. I really don’t like it.
I miss him so much, and I want him to be here so badly. But yet when I get upset about something he doesn’t seem to want to fix it.
He says that I do the same things, get mad at him when he’s upset about something, but at least I don’t just say, “Alright, be mad.” Or something along those lines. I TRY to understand why he’s mad.
This last talk we had just made me even more mad, because it seemed as though he just wanted to get back to whatever he was doing and not try and talk to me. And try and fix my upsetness.
I honestly don’t know what’s happening and it’s scaring me alot. We’ve been aruging way to much lately. There’s not enough time in the day to talk about anything, and he’s ALWAYS off to go somewhere else or doing something else while he’s talking to me.
All that I really want is for some time to just talk to him. No other distractions, no “I have to go because of ____” none of that. I JUST WANT US TIME.
And now he’s going and thinking about adding even MORE hours to his schedule. I honestly don’t think that’s going to be a good idea. I REALLY don’t.
And what really annoys me most is that I always feel that once we get off the phone from an argument, or an annoyance, he goes and talks to all his friends and I’m sure he tells them about it. And I feel so horrible about that because I don’t want them to think poorly of me. I don’t want this to be an Adam and I relationship. Only this time it’s me causing all the problems. And he’s the one talking to someone else about how bad our realtionship is. I don’t want that at all. Because that’s not the way that our relationship is.
I hate this. Being apart. I hate it. I hate it a lot.
I want him to be here, and to sleep with him every night. I want to come home and kiss him and have him on my couch, I want to go out with him, I want to cook him supper.
I want what we had during the month of January for the rest of my life. It was the best month of my life, and I want it for the rest of it. I want him back here.