Category: My Life

Well it’s been an interesting weekend.

So Friday I initiated the phone call with Davey. We spent like 2 hours on the phone chatting and stuff. We finished our talk we had started a week earlier. It was hard but had to be done. Basically he’s not comfortable with being gay. He says it’s not his religion he’s just not. So I’m not exactly sure what all is up with that.. He’s only had one bf in his life and he said that they broke up because he wasn’t comfortable.

I’m not sure how a guy can be gay and not even be comfortable with that sort of thing. Maybe he’s not even gay! Who knows. I told him my feelings, my story, etc. Told him how I cared about him, etc. He said that everytime he’s gotten close with someone like that it tends to “fizzle” out, whenever he starts sleeping or cuddling with someone.

So yeah. Doesn’t look promising. But then later that night he randomly texts me about how much stuff there is to do in LA. In fact he said “there’s so much me stuff in LA”. lol. Apparently he’s into Raves too. Who would have thought!

Ugh.

Saturday morning I got up and drove out to Palm Springs, picked up Emac and Chad Ho and headed out to J-Tree. Did some great climbing at Echo that day. Started with a 5.6 with some interesting run out. I hate slab climbing. Emac wasn’t too into it to start with but by the end of the weekend he was really doing great. I can’t remember how many climbs we did but we did a good few. Left there just before sunset. It was really pretty out that way.

Went back into PS and got dinner at this greek place by Emac’s condo. Yummy food but the portion was so small! I was so hungry.

Chad Ho had been messing around with this guy on Grindr all day. We found him out by J-Tree and tried to get him to come climbing, then Chad Ho tried to get him to come back to the condo.. I think the guy was crazy. He was talking about issues leaving his house and his grandma dying and stuff. Weirdo.

Went hot tubbing, drank some wine, etc. It was a good evening just hanging out and relaxing.

Sunday we got a late start and were into the park by 11am. Started at the group camp sites which didn’t have very good climbing. From there headed over to somewhere else but I guess I took us to the wrong canyon and we had no idea where we were. Did some good climbs over there but it was a really lazy day for me. I did a crazy little climb to go setup a top rope. I thought I was going to die! But the climb we setup was worth it. Lots of fun

Drove back to PS and ate dinner at this indian place then back to LA. David called me while driving home and we talked for a while. I lost signal in the canyons on the 60 and he said he’d call me Monday to talk. He never did, but we did text monday and tuesday.

My problem is that I can’t initiate phone calls with him because if I did, I’d want to call him every day. Which is way to much for him, I’m sure. lol. So texting is just easier. lol

Anyways. Monday I went to work and cranked out some code for the mexico stuff. It’s almost done just need to do some error checking because I’m sure that these idiot mexicans will screw up even the easiest of stuff!

Monday night I had a date with this guy named Jolly, he was super cute and nice. He’s a java programmer from Irvine. We ate more greek. lol. After we went down the street to this bakery and ate dessert. I suck at first dates. I’m always so boring on them! I’m not sure what to do or when to ask him for a second… I was thinking about maybe taking him for a rappel to see how he does. hahaha.

Tuesday I had breakfast with John Philips at some republican fund raiser for Mattie Fein… John Bolton was there. Lots of republican talk and what not. It was fairly annoying. Very interesting to see what goes on at those places. I was at a table of gays. lol.

It was really annoying that they were bashing Obama for tiny things, like him causing traffic in LA. Because BUSH NEVER travelled and never caused traffic. Ugh. Just made me hate american politics even more.

Worked late last night then went home and Greg came over… I think it’s time to end things with him. It’s been fun hooking up with him for the last 2 years, but I’m getting bored with him and I’d rather have someone who can spend the night and cuddle.

Tonight is climbing with the group. I need to print some flyers.

And I slept on my couch!

So Davey has been here and gone…. His flight was 2 hours late which kind of put a damper on my plans for the evening. But at the same time it turned out pretty good because Sophia was able to join us. She’s always fun. I picked him up from the airport and we headed up to Venice for dinner and drinks. Pretty much as soon as he got in the car and we started talking about the plans he started with the whole. “You know I don’t _have_ to go to Anahiem tonight” and yes. He did put emphasis on the “have”.

Dinner was great. The three of us spent like $180. We got a bottle of wine, had tapas, and great convo. Spent almost 2 hours there are dinner alone just chatting and having a great time. Through dinner he said it a few more times. “I don’t have to” or “I wouldn’t mind staying at your house”.

Right… I know what you’re thinking. He wants to spend the night! He wants to sleep together!

After dinner we headed out to the beach. It was DEAD and I mean DEAD! Turned around and went back to Abbot Kiney blvd and had drinks at The otherroom. Which is my favorite bar in Venice. More great laughs, conversation, etc.

Left there about 1am and headed home. Home to my house… We got about 2 miles from my place and he said it. “So… whats the sleeping plan”…. I knew where this was going. I said, “Well it’s probably safest for you in my bedroom since you’re allergic to the cat”… him: “I thought that’s what you’d say”. So I offered to sleep on the couch… What an idiot! I’m such a fucking push over!

I need to be more of a bitch in my real life and less of a bitch at work.

We got back to my place, stayed up for a little while chatting and talking. He asked about all the pictures I have in my apartment. I showed him the clock I built, etc.

I didn’t sleep a wink. I laid on my couch. We texted back and forth. Me bitching about having to sleep on the couch and just wanting to cuddle. Him saying. “It’s just a personal preference as a gay. I can go into more detail later if you want”. WTF does that mean! I replied: “I’ve asked you before and you wouldn’t get into it. I just want more then you do and I have to get oer that and stop torturing myself with you. I really like you and you’ve made it clear that you aren’t ready or wanting anything”. No reply.

We got up the next morning and it was very awk. I saw him in his underwear (boxers). So cute. I walked around the house in mine (skimpy). He asked more about the picture of my grandpa by my desk. We went to breakfast. Conversation was awk again. I wanted to bring up the conversation from the night before, but I didn’t want to get into it either.

Drover him to Anahiem. We didn’t really talk on the way there. I dropped him off. We got out of the car to say goodbye. He took off his backpack to “give you a real hug”.

I left him there… and I started to tear up as I drove away… I don’t want him to be so far. I want him to be closer. I want to wake up every morning and see his face.

He’s so fucking awesome. Minus this whole annoying bit about non-intimacy. Fuck!

I spent the rest of the weekend in bed, sick as a dog. I did mange to get myself out of the house for a couple hours saturday night at Oktoberfest with Mok and his friends. It was fun but still pretty lame. Totally not my thing, lots of drunken mexicans and what not.

I didn’t hear from him again till Saturday night. He texted me something about the park and it was back to normal texting back and forth, chatting. We said goodnight about 11:30pm.

I woke up at 9am to a text from him. Saying hello and that he was packing getting ready to leave. We texted back and forth for the whole ride from Anaheim to the airport. Once he was through security he called. We chatted on the phone for an hour until he boarded his flight. We texted again until his flight took off.

I texted him Monday for a question about the Southwest rewards program. He called me on his lunch break and we chatted for 30 minutes…

WTF! All this chatting and texting and calling. And yet he doesn’t want anything! Like I told him. I have to stop torturing myself with him. I can’t keep doing this to myself.

I’ve been in a pretty bad depression for a couple months now. I haven’t been working out, I haven’t been going out, etc. I’ve just been slogging along in my life and work. Lately it’s been really bad. This past weekend I slept from 9pm-noon got up and showered then slept on my couch from noon-6pm when I went to oktoberfest. Sunday I did the same, slept all day, laid on the couch. I need to shape things up. My life is suffering from it all. I went to the gym for the first time in months yesterday. Did 35 minutes on the elyptical then some minor weight stuff. Climbing gym tonight.

Speaking of climbing gym. I think maybe I need to see someone about anxiety or something. I hate being around that many people. Working out or climbing or whatever with all those people around freaks me out. I hate it all.

John deleted me and everyone else from the Bishop trip as friends on Facebook. He’s also not replying to texts or facebook messages. What a little fucking bitch.

Work has kind of sucked. I’m working on the whole Mexico traceability thing. We’re moving the WA system down there and it’s not going very well at all.

Bishop.. What an interesting trip. Sure do learn a lot about someone and how much they change in 6 months.

Picked up Leigh and Eric on Thursday at 1pm. Trip was off to a great start. We sang, listened to music, leigh read. Got to Mojave right on time… Stop at my favorite Shell station for a pee break and water and to buy a new window crank for the bronco.

Get ready to go, jump in the bronco, turn the key…. Nothing.

Sit for a minute, check some things, turn the key…. Nothing!

Call AAA, call Enterprise, arrange a mechanic to look at it have the enterprise woman drop a car off, etc. The towtruck gets there, drives it the 0.5 miles to the mechanic and within 5 minutes they have it running. They claimed it was this little thing called the “interference reducer“. So off we went up to Bishop. Got there 2 hours later then planned. Missed Mikey because of that so we stopped for dinner on our own.

Headed up to the milks. I was pretty sure I knew where Mikey was camping at. Got there and we couldn’t find him anywhere! Spent about 30 minutes driving around this 4 mile stretch of road trying to find him. Ran into John while looking for him. He gave us what sounded like easy instructions to his site. So we told him we were going to look for Mikey for a few more minutes then just go to his site if we couldn’t find him.

That was a bad idea. Should have just GONE with him to his site then. Although apparently it wouldn’t matter because even JOHN couldn’t find his site again! So we ended up going back into town and finding connor. The four of us drove back to the milks, still couldn’t find Mikey, but we did find John still looking for HIS site. So we followed him, found his site and setup camp.

John… Was a fucking MESS. That boy needs help. MAJOR help. He was so drunk that he would drink to the point of puking and then throw back a couple shots of whiskey! He couldn’t stand up without falling over, etc. It was really sad. When I first met John, we totally hit it off right away. Spent so much time together that one weekend have been chatting a lot since then, etc. Then he went off to Montana and I haven’t really heard from him in the last 6 months. Seeing him like this was a total heartbreak. He could be such a great person but he’s clearly turned into a major alcoholic.

Come to find out that he’s been through AA before. I guess he needs to go back.

Got up early on Friday morning and headed out to the middle gourge for a day of climbing. Had a great time. Had a 5.10b that kicked my ass. I am totally sucking at this whole climbing thing. At one point I almost questioned why I even try to do this any more and just give up and go be fat and lazy. Ugh.

Did every climb on Warm up wall that day, it was a lot of fun.

Got up to the truck, went to eat dinner with the gang at Whiskey Creek. Good times. Saw Leo there for the first time. I love that man. He’s so cool.

After dinner we got up and headed back… Bronco wouldn’t start. Connor and I putzed around with it for a while and it still wouldn’t do anything. Ugh. It was getting gas, getting spark, etc. So I think maybe it’s the spark plugs. I have new ones. Just need to put them in.

So we left it in the parking lot and drove back to camp. Hung out. Again Drunko John came over and made a mess of himself. He tried to molest me.

Went to bed and started feeling a little sick that night.

Saturday we got up and headed to the upper gorge. Leo was going to come with us but decided last minute to go bouldering! 🙁 I’m not sure what climbs we did but I only did two climbs that day a 5.9 and a 5.10a. The 5.10a was amazing! Had a little bit of everything. Also met this cute boy named Philip. Another Mechanical engineer. lol. We hardly talked. I think him and Wang have something going on.

Went back to camp that night and we all hung around the campfire. A couple of us went off to the hot springs. David (asian), Wang and Philip. David drove, typical asian driver. He was so freaking slow. Ugh. Took us like 45 minutes to get there when it should have been more like 25-30. The hot springs were nice. They helped clear up my nose/head. They chatted the whole way up there. Which was sad because I wanted to chat with Philip some.

Got back to camp around midnight chatted with everyone for a little bit and then went to bed. I slept like shit that night nose all clogged up, etc. Woke up Sunday morning and decided to just head home. It was probably a great idea. By the time we got back to LA my nose/head felt like it was going to explode!

Home by 5:30, unpacked everything from the truck and went to bed. Right before bed I posted something about wishing I had a bf to deliver me some soup and cuddle.

Well I woke up around 9:30pm to someone setting soup down infront of me. It took me a minute to figure out what was going on. I wasn’t sure who it was and I had been pretty drugged up on NyQuil. So I pretended to be asleep for a minute to see what was going on. Apparently he had been standing outside my door knocking, calling me, and even opened the screen on the window and threw something at me and I didn’t budge, so he just broke in!

So anyways. I’ve been sick all week. Working half days, etc. Today will be my first full day at work. David flys in tonight. I’m super excited to see him. I just wish I had more time to hang out with him while he was here. Sad that he’s going to spend it all with his family. Maybe I”ll get lucky and see him alittle more. Tonight I’m going to take him out to dinner and drinks in Venice beach. That should be fun.

I had a dream last night that he kissed me when I picked him up at the airport. I only hope! 🙂

The people we work with in Miami are all fucking bitches. I get down there Friday night and go into the office. All the boxes I had sent down are locked into an office and no one has the key to it. Ugh. I hang out there for a while, talk with the guys, help them solve some issues, etc. Get back to the hotel around 1am and go to bed.

This whole week I have been so fucked up on my sleeping habits. I haven’t been able to sleep till 2 or 3am and have been sleeping in till 9 or 10am. It’s horrible. Anyways. I got up at 10am on Saturday and was supposed to meet this guy to go kayaking with. I texted him, he had said he’d be up early. No reply, so I drove down to Biscane bay to see what was up. The kayaking place wouldn’t rent a kayak because of the potential for severe storms, so that was a bust. I drove back north and went to this place called Viscaya. It was pretty cool, although all the exhibits were all under constuction. From there I drove downtown and ate lunch at this little peruvian place. Met some guy on Grindr and we had drinks at a local bar. My parking ran out, so I left and went down to South Beach to the Erotic Art Musuem. It was pretty cool, although must more hyped up then it should have been.

Walked around the area after that then went back into the office about 6ish. The door to the office the stuff was in had been unlocked, so I got all that and found that the KEY part that I need for Sunday night was missing. So spent an hour on the phone with FedEx trying to find that. THankfully got ahold of this guy named Buzz in Dallas who was very helpful and gave me the name, phone number and address of the place it had been left at. It was about 2 miles away so I drove over there, sadly they had already closed for the weekend!

Went back to the office, setup the driver checkin station, did some other work, helped the guys, etc. Got done about 1am and went back to the hotel. On my way there David texted me asking how Miami was, so I called him back and we chatted for an hour. That was nice to actually talk to him on the phone again.

Sunday I got up and putzed around, went to Best buy, bought some random stuff for the office, did something else in the area, then went into the office again around 4pm. Stayed till midnight again working on random stuff.

Monday is when the fun really started! Got into the office about 10am and went into the office managers office. First thing she says is “How come [the GLC IT guy] isn’t doing all this work”. I said, “Because this is Nav and It’s GTC’s stuff”. She imediately went on the offensive of well we aren’t going to do it, blah blah blah. Then I tell her, “Well I’m here to train you guys on anything you need to learn, etc, so just let me know what you want me to do”. Her response. “We don’t need training, we know everything, it’s the system, it just screws things up”.

UGH! See what I am fucking dealing with. People who REFUSE to take any responsibilitiy for what they are doing! So I send an email to HER boss and MY boss saying that if they want to learn then they need to fucking make me a list. I never got a list.

So her and I got into a yelling match and I just left. That was pretty much the last she talked to me the whole fucking week. I spent the rest of the day in my office working on the driver checkin thing, making if FOOL and FOUL proof so that no one idiot could fuck it up and any idiot could use it. It’s in both english and spanish, allows them to check in once for multiple orders, etc.

I get it done shortly after she leaves and go in to show it to the office guys. They seem to like it. I left it running while I went to do something else and the truck drivers went up to it and just started USING it. Without any explanation or anything. Carlos… POUNDS on the window and says “DON’T USE THAT! You can’t use that”. WTF!

So he and I get into it, then I say “Fuck it” and just leave. He forwrads me an email in spanish from the office manager telling them to NOT DO anything that I tell them to do. Blah blah blah. Fucking BITCH!

So I just leave for the day around midnight again.

Tuesday I go in and focus my time on the GTC people who are down there, spent about 2 hours helping them with stuff, showing them how to do things faster, etc. We also finally got the package from FedEx and we are installing it that night. Didn’t deal with the otherside of the office at all that day, except for ONE issue the office manager comes in and asks me about. I told her that she has to call the sales person or accounting and that it’s not my issue. Which again leads to a HUGE fight over shit. UGH! Seriously. It’s NOT my fucking issue. The customer was OVER their credit limit. That is NOT my department!

OH! I also found out that they are shipping orders in our system AS SOON as the driver arrives… Now, once the driver arrives, it can take HOURS before they are actually loaded. The typical wait time is 3 hours! It can take up to 12 hours to get a driver loaded and I’ve even seen times where it takes more then 24 hours… So OBVIOUSLY the sales people are relying on the system to tell the customers when the driver was loaded. When infact the driver could still be SITTING there waiting to be loaded! HUGE PROBLEM!

Ugh. That night I did the network switch and found out that they had fucked up and got the wrong license for the hardware, so it wouldn’t do what I needed. GREAT! So they had to buy it from Cisco, which they didn’t get ahold of the new licenses until noon TODAY. My flight was at 3pm….

Insanity insues, they fuck things up, I almost miss my flight.

I’m on my way home now. I can’t fucking WAIT to get back to LA! I just really wish that this time I had someone at home waiting for me to cuddle with. Because after this week. I need a fucking cuddle!