My Life Not Published

He Slept in my BED!

And I slept on my couch!

So Davey has been here and gone…. His flight was 2 hours late which kind of put a damper on my plans for the evening. But at the same time it turned out pretty good because Sophia was able to join us. She’s always fun. I picked him up from the airport and we headed up to Venice for dinner and drinks. Pretty much as soon as he got in the car and we started talking about the plans he started with the whole. “You know I don’t _have_ to go to Anahiem tonight” and yes. He did put emphasis on the “have”.

Dinner was great. The three of us spent like $180. We got a bottle of wine, had tapas, and great convo. Spent almost 2 hours there are dinner alone just chatting and having a great time. Through dinner he said it a few more times. “I don’t have to” or “I wouldn’t mind staying at your house”.

Right… I know what you’re thinking. He wants to spend the night! He wants to sleep together!

After dinner we headed out to the beach. It was DEAD and I mean DEAD! Turned around and went back to Abbot Kiney blvd and had drinks at The otherroom. Which is my favorite bar in Venice. More great laughs, conversation, etc.

Left there about 1am and headed home. Home to my house… We got about 2 miles from my place and he said it. “So… whats the sleeping plan”…. I knew where this was going. I said, “Well it’s probably safest for you in my bedroom since you’re allergic to the cat”… him: “I thought that’s what you’d say”. So I offered to sleep on the couch… What an idiot! I’m such a fucking push over!

I need to be more of a bitch in my real life and less of a bitch at work.

We got back to my place, stayed up for a little while chatting and talking. He asked about all the pictures I have in my apartment. I showed him the clock I built, etc.

I didn’t sleep a wink. I laid on my couch. We texted back and forth. Me bitching about having to sleep on the couch and just wanting to cuddle. Him saying. “It’s just a personal preference as a gay. I can go into more detail later if you want”. WTF does that mean! I replied: “I’ve asked you before and you wouldn’t get into it. I just want more then you do and I have to get oer that and stop torturing myself with you. I really like you and you’ve made it clear that you aren’t ready or wanting anything”. No reply.

We got up the next morning and it was very awk. I saw him in his underwear (boxers). So cute. I walked around the house in mine (skimpy). He asked more about the picture of my grandpa by my desk. We went to breakfast. Conversation was awk again. I wanted to bring up the conversation from the night before, but I didn’t want to get into it either.

Drover him to Anahiem. We didn’t really talk on the way there. I dropped him off. We got out of the car to say goodbye. He took off his backpack to “give you a real hug”.

I left him there… and I started to tear up as I drove away… I don’t want him to be so far. I want him to be closer. I want to wake up every morning and see his face.

He’s so fucking awesome. Minus this whole annoying bit about non-intimacy. Fuck!

I spent the rest of the weekend in bed, sick as a dog. I did mange to get myself out of the house for a couple hours saturday night at Oktoberfest with Mok and his friends. It was fun but still pretty lame. Totally not my thing, lots of drunken mexicans and what not.

I didn’t hear from him again till Saturday night. He texted me something about the park and it was back to normal texting back and forth, chatting. We said goodnight about 11:30pm.

I woke up at 9am to a text from him. Saying hello and that he was packing getting ready to leave. We texted back and forth for the whole ride from Anaheim to the airport. Once he was through security he called. We chatted on the phone for an hour until he boarded his flight. We texted again until his flight took off.

I texted him Monday for a question about the Southwest rewards program. He called me on his lunch break and we chatted for 30 minutes…

WTF! All this chatting and texting and calling. And yet he doesn’t want anything! Like I told him. I have to stop torturing myself with him. I can’t keep doing this to myself.

I’ve been in a pretty bad depression for a couple months now. I haven’t been working out, I haven’t been going out, etc. I’ve just been slogging along in my life and work. Lately it’s been really bad. This past weekend I slept from 9pm-noon got up and showered then slept on my couch from noon-6pm when I went to oktoberfest. Sunday I did the same, slept all day, laid on the couch. I need to shape things up. My life is suffering from it all. I went to the gym for the first time in months yesterday. Did 35 minutes on the elyptical then some minor weight stuff. Climbing gym tonight.

Speaking of climbing gym. I think maybe I need to see someone about anxiety or something. I hate being around that many people. Working out or climbing or whatever with all those people around freaks me out. I hate it all.

John deleted me and everyone else from the Bishop trip as friends on Facebook. He’s also not replying to texts or facebook messages. What a little fucking bitch.

Work has kind of sucked. I’m working on the whole Mexico traceability thing. We’re moving the WA system down there and it’s not going very well at all.

5 replies on “He Slept in my BED!”

Do you still see a shrink? Maybe it’ll help to talk about the anxiety. I saw a shrink once and he had me do exercises.

Kegel exercises. No, he wanted me to practice striking up conversations with strangers by giving strangers compliments. It didn’t have to lead to conversation at this stage.

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