Feb 25, 2001

so i have realized that i am completely incapable of

sleeping past 9:30. last night i was up tell 4 this morning watching movies

and such. Well this morning at 9:28. i was WIDE awake. like i had gone to

bed at a normal time the night before. and it’s not just today, it’s every

weekend that’s like that. I’m always up before 9:30 on the weekends. it’s


Feb 24, 2001

Weekends really suck. they are so fucking boring, specially

round here, yucky. it’s been raining all morning and now it’s snowing, they

are saying like 5-12 inches before monday, damnit, one week before “sring”

break and it’s still snowing, i remember a couple years ago we already had

the pool up and running by spring break, granted it wasn’t quite warm enough to swim yet, but it was getting there. My pu’s are so irresponsible. my mom

can’t ever get anything done on time. like out contract with network solutions

for our domain name expired jan 28 and she still hasn’t paid it. Only cause

the committee hasn’t approved the spending yet. but damnit i gave her the

cost info long back in november so they’ve had three committee meetings to

get it approved and it still hasn’t been done. i mean how hard is it to get

the $70 apporved? And like back when we had to pay for college she said she

would depsoit the money in my account that day and just to go ahead and write

the check. So i do that, almost $5,000 she didn’t get the money put in the

account until a week later, my check fucking bounced, and they pulled the

cash out of *MY* savings. damnit. But at least she filnally got the damn thing

depositited. but damnit, one of *MY* checks bounced. I’m really picky about that type of shit. she always does that shit, like she’ll say “Well we’ll

get it done this weekend” or something, that weekend rolls around, “well

i have to go into work and get some stuff done” DAMNIT, you said we could

do such and such THIS weekend. now you’re telling me you can’t do it. FUCKYOU.

and it happens alot now just everyonce in a while. i really have a huge hatred

for my parents. they were really never around when i was growing up, they

would work like 80-90 hours a week. Usually more. I had to cook most nights,

take care of shit. Damnit. Just like they open their mouth and i just want

to scream at them so bad. And if you’ve seen me talking to them you can usually

see it. One of my aunts said it was really bad over christmas break when she

was there. But damnit. It really hurts that they are such fucking assholes.

and they were never around when i needed them there to talk to, and they were never really open about shit. Like when i tried to tell them i was gay once,

back when i was 12. god, that was a crappy ass night. Basically it was a TON

of screaming, and bitching and trowing stuff. by the end of the night most

of my room was all over the front lawn, including my bed, and my tv. they

fucking trew most of my stuff out the second story window. it was bad, then

i found my self in “counceling” for 4 years. and on Zoloft for 6

years.i guess i can be gratefull they didn’t kick me out completly. but Damnit,

bastards. i still hate them for all of that shit. Like i’ve said before, when

iget out of here, i won’t be talking to them much, and who ever i end up spending

my life with, they won’t be seeing much of my family.

Feb 22, 2001

Government teachers are stupid. so we had this government

test, right. and one of the questions was “Explain the concepts behind

our federal system of government. Identify at least three of the specific

powers given to each government orginization and shared by them. Explain why

the founding fathers delegated teh power to each” now how would you answer that?. I answered it based on the federal government and the three branches,

you know, legislative, executive, and judicail. right, well the question was

worth 20 points, guess how many i got wrong on it, 20, damnit, i got a fucking

C on this damn test because of one godamn question. i asked him about it after

class and he even said that most people got that whole question wrong, so

is that not showing that htere is a problenm with the question or a problem

with the way he taught it? stupid bastard.

Feb 21, 2001

my econ professor is totaly nuts. we had a test today

in econ, yeah. and he would like ask the same question five times. it was

so messed up, but it was pretty easy, i think i did good on it. i hope i did

good on it. it’s snowing again here too. damnit snow in feb is just nasty.

redundant, yucky, snow in december and jan is ok, but snow this late in feb

is just nasty, and it’s coming down really hard too, i like the last hour

or so we have gotten like an inch or two. i also have some wierd people on

my buddy list, i don’t even know who they are. it’s like, hmmm. i know i added

them for a reason but why are they there, and who are they? where did i find

them at? right now i have about 5 that i have no idea who they are and like

10 others that i have just a vauge idea of who they are. but i’m not really

sure who they are or why they are there. i also got a letter from my home

camp the other day. they are basically saying that if i want to work at camp

this summer all i have to do is call and i got the job. i think it would be

a cool job if i don’t get one else where. so yeah, i have a test tonight to.

i really don’t want to go take it, it should be pretty easy but accounting

is just one of thost classes that you don’t like the tests in cause it’s just

copying numbers from one place to another and it’s just redundant and boring

shit. i don’t see why it’s a required course. i think i’ll go read some of

the book here soon. i should really get to work on that. XY is like the coolest

magazine in the world. i love it. they have all kinds of great articles and

such in it. once i get some free time where i know the r won’t be in i’ll

scan a bunch of the articles and put them up, cuase some of them are just

really good. i currently have 7,429 e-mails. i need to clean some of that

out sometime, but i really don’t want to. it’s to much work to go trough and

see what i need to get rid of. they go back over 2 years. hehe, i know most

of them i don’t need. but yeah. it’s cool.

Feb 20, 2001

So yeah, i’ve been gone all weekend, it was so cool.

hehe. but right now i’m soooooooo out of it. i bout fell asleep in my accounting

class and then the professor gave me an extra problem “so i wouldn’t

get bored” i was like, damnit. i’m like out of the world i can’t do this

now. so i just satt there and looked at it the whole hour. well lets see this

weekeend, wel i got to my cousins at like 5 and she wouldn’t be home tell

like 5:20 or so, but her husband was home, and he was supposed to let me in,

but he didn’t he was still in bed. so i had to wait for like 10 minutes tell

she got home. lol, it was cool. there’s these weird people down the hall and

you could hear everything they were saying i was amused. well we really didn’t

do much but it was cool. yeah. danny called on sat night, that was cool but

i haven’t talked to him since then, 🙁 it was fgunny though cause when i got

off the phone with him, my cousin was like “i didn’t know it was a love

thing” and then she kept saying aww, a love thing. i was like yeah. lol.

and i talked to her mom that was funny shit too cause we were talking and

then all of a sudden she was like “are you drunk” it was great.

lol. and then on monday we went to UNL, soooo fucking boring. YUCKY. i sooooo

don’t want to go there, that is my last choise anymore, it’s a crappy ass

campus, i would rather go to SDSU or the other college i applied to. yeah,

that would be really cool. i think i might have talked my mom into letting

me go to philly sometime, “to check out the camps” yeah, right.

lol. but it would be cool. but yeah, i think that if i do go out there i don’t

know if i would WANT to see danny. not yet. i might but i don’t know i would

like have to wait tell i get there to see if i want to see him. ya know what

i mean. it would be really freaky to see him, i want to see him, but do i

really want to see him yet, are we ready for it? i don’t know. but i would

so love to go to philly, just to be in philly, just to be there.