Aug 05, 2001

Aug 5, [U2, "Hold Me, Thrill Me, Kiss Me, Kill Me]

Well incase you hadn’t noticed this is the new URL for my site. I moved

over to Fateback cause they have more space, and no pop-up ads. I was also

going to switch over to Blogger, but then I realized something wouldn’t

work (I forget what it was now, but at the time it seemed like an important

thing and a good reason to not switch). So yeah. Welcome to the new site.

Sorry if anything doesn’t work and what not. E-mail me and tell me if you

find something to be broken. Such as colours, cause I’m changing ths scheme

back to black and white. I hate this blue shit.

Aug 04, 2001

Aug 4, [Evan And Jaron, "Crazy For This Girl"]

Tonight’s been full of much thinking. I got off work and came home. I told

Angie last night that I’d call Adam when I got off work and arange a chat

with him tonight so we could talk some things out that have been going though

my head lately. But I got home and the parents started bitching at me about

shit that I didn’t really care about. But after they were done bitching

we ate supper and then my mom and I went out shopping. It was pretty cool.

I actually got some things that I like. We didn’t get home tell 8 and by

that time I figured it was to late to call Adam cause he probably already

had plans for the night. So I just hung out here tell about 9ish when I

got on and saw that Adam was on. So we chatted for a bit. Nothing much really.

After that I went and watched TV. But I got an urge for a latte, so I went

down to Java Joe’s. No one was there that I knew, so I got what I wanted

and headed off to my car. While I was on my way there, I ran into Angie

and Mary and her bf. So we went back to Java Joe’s and hung out there. Here’s

where the much thinking part comes in: I’ve been hanging out with the same

people forever. The same people in HS, the same people now. Granted we’ve

all changed alot. But we’re still the same people, and our relationships

aren’t going to last forever, there’s going to come a time when we all go

our seperate ways and tonight, I think, it’s starting to show. Where was

everyone tonight, it used to be (just earlier this summer) that everynight

we were hanging out in a big group, but now, it’s just small groups of us,

and we don’t really do anything. What scares me though, is that when that

time comes, the time when we all go our seperate ways, is that I won’t have

anyone left then. I’m not a very social person. It’s the way I am. I can’t

just go up to someone and say, "Hey, I’m Chris" like Angie and

Adam can. I just _can’t_ do it. It’s not me, and it really sucks. The only

friends that I have are the ones that are in this group, this small group

of people. I need to expand who I know. But it’s hard for me. I’m not a

talkitive person. I really hate that right now, I wish I could change that,

and I’ve tried, I really have, but I can’t do it. I know alot of people,

but I don’t, or can’t consider them my friends. Like I know Tara and Jessica.

But I don’t really feel as though I can consider them friends. They’re Adam’s

friends, I know them through him, and that’s the only way I know them. They

aren’t people that I would just call up and say, "Hey, wanna do something

tonight." And that’s the way it continues. Everyone that I know I’ve

met through someone else. My group of freinds that I hang out with now started

when I was in Cub Scouts, with Marry as the leader, and Luke and all those

guys were in it. Through them I met Nic, and Xak, and those guys, and then

though them I met Julian and Angie and everyone else. And the web continues,

but for me, it’s not getting bigger, it’s just spreading out. (If that makes

any sense, I know what I’m talking about). I think that’s another reason

why I like hanging around Adam and Angie so much is that they are the kind

to walk up to people and just start talking. When I’m around them, I’ll

usually do it too, but when I’m by myself, I won’t at all. I took that test

once for Social Anxiety Disorder, and I failed it pretty bad. In other words,

according to the test, I should be being treated for it. Of course that’s

just a test, but still. I just keep repeating myself, so I’m going to go

to bed now, night all.

Aug 03, 2001

Aug 3 [Led Zeppeling, “Good Times, Bad Times”]

We’ll see how it works out this month and such, eh. Well last night was

pretty cool. About 7 the parents were still chewing on my ass so I just

got up and left. I was going to go over to Hy-Vee and see Angie and talk

to her some since it would be a good time to talk since Adam wouldn’t be

around. And after that I was going to go to Wal-Mart and see Julian and

talk to him for a bit, and I was supposed to get my mom a yellow fabric

pencil, and after that I was going to go to Java Joes and just get something

to drink and hang out some there. Well I got to Hy-Vee and I saw Adam’s

car in the parking lot and I was like, damnit. But I had to go in so that

I could deposit a check and withdraw some money. So I went in there, and

I didn’t see Adam anywhere, so I went over to Chinese Express and Adam and

Angie were both there. So I said hi to them, and talked to Angie a bit.

Then she asked if I wanted to come over to her house after she got done

at work cause Vero and Mandy were going to come over, and I said I would

cause I haven’t seen Vero in like forever, so I agreed to that, then she

asked Adam if he wanted to come over too, and I was just like, grrr. I really

didn’t want to be out with him last night. I just wanted to talk to Angie

and hang out. But yeah. So They got off and we went over to Angie’s house.

That was ammusing. Derrik (sp?) had a bunch of people over there and they

were all nuts, and Angie wasn’t in a good mood, so that was ammusing too.

So we were there, and Angie’s mom said that Vero called and said she couldn’t

come over. Well we called Mandy to see if she was still coming and apparently

Vero had called and said that Mandy couldn’t come cause she got injured

at work. But Mandy said that Vero was still coming over. So we waited around

for Vero, but she never showed. While we were waiting for her, Matt called

Angie, so we all sat around and laughed and talked to him and such. It was

great. Well after that it was like, 10 or so, so we didn’t have time to

go down town, so we were going to go over and see Xak. So we drove over

there, but he wasn’t home. So instead we decided to teach Adam how to drive

a stick shift. That was great times. It was really funny watching someone

learn a stick. He actually did really good for being a first time. But yeah.

It was ammusing. We spent about an hour there and then took him home and

told his PU’s the story about his driving. That was great. After we left

there Angie and I drove back to her house and we just hung outside and talked

about things. It was a good talk. I should really talk to Adam some more

things, but it’s so hard to get him alone sometimes, and also some of these

thigns, I don’t really want to talk to him about cause I would feel wierd,

but they are things that we _need_ to talk about. Angie wants me to call

him tonight after work and go out with him and talk to him, but I don’t

really feel like it. I think my mom and I might be going shopping here soon.

So we’ll see what happens. My horoscope says to stay home and watch a movie

tonight. I dunno. Overall though last night was really fun. I enjoyed it.

Today was good to. I had to work at 8 this morning, but it was good times.

It was Mel, Mandy and I working all morning by ourselves and we just goofed

off all morning and had fun. I came out in a really funny way to Mel. It

was great. I have to be back tomorrow morning too, and it’s going to be

just the three of us again. Yay for fun.

Aug 02, 2001

Aug 2, [Live, "I Alone"]

Grrr. Fucking ass parents. So I get up this morning and I come down stairs

and sit down at my computer to do my normal morning stuff. You know check

my mail, etc, etc. My dad comes in and starts interogating me about things.

First he bitches about the solution that’s in the bathroom that I use for

my ear, "What’s that shit in the bathroom." "It’s for my

ear." "So what do you soak your head in it." Now what the

fucking hell would you say that for, do you have to have every little fucking

things explained to you, can’t I just fucking say, "It’s for my ear."

and that be the fucking end of the conversation, but no, he has to start

smart ass comments. So I said, "Did I say it was for my head?"

And he goes, "No but your ear is attached to your head." GRRR.

Dumb mother fucker. Then he starts asking me about the pond, "How’d

you get the pond so clean?" "I cleaned the filters." "Did

you let the dog in it?" "I don’t know." "What do you

mean, you don’t know, either you did or you didn’t." So now I’m thinking,

well gee, since I just let the fucking dog out the back door and I don’t

watch him, how would I know if he’s in the pond or not. So I say, "I

don’t know" and then he goes off on me about that. Then he’s like,

"Why’s the mop up in your bathroom?" And I said, "Cause Andy

left it up there last time he cleaned." then he said, "Well when

we got home there was water leaking from the ceiliing" "Well I

don’t know how it got there" And then he starts bitching at me about

how if I did something to just tell them, cause if a pipe is busted then

they need to fix it and such, and I told him "I don’t know" and

then my mom’s over there, mumbling, "If the toliet overflowed, it overflowed."

And I’m like, "THE TOLIET DIDN’T OVERFLOW." And I yelled it cause

it didn’t fukcing overflow, and they had asked me a couple times already

if that had happened. And then he goes off on me about that, and it’s like

god damnit, why the fuck don’t you bastards trust me. I fucking cleaned

up the house and kept it alot fucking cleaner then you bastards eer have

been able to. And then you fucking come home 4 days early and ruin my vacation

as well. FUCKING BASTARDS. I HATE THEM. But it must just be Rip On Chris

Day or something cause last night at work this customer fucking went off

on me cause something rang up the wrong price, and I tried explaining to

him how it came up to that price, you know the simple math of it all. And

like five minutes into the conversation he said, "Well the sign out

side says it’s such and such a price and it’s been like that forever. "

And ya know, if he would have said that five minutes ago I would have just

overrid the price and given it to him at the signage price, cause well,

it’s a new month and we missed taking some of the signs down. Well, I said,

"I don’t own the store, and I don’t memeorize all the prices."

And he just went off on me about that, you know how old people are, "You

young people today, think you know everything, and blah blah blah."

After he left Marlin actually came up to me and said that I had handled

that guy well. Cause ya know, I just counted his change back and said, "Have

a nice day sir" and he just stormed out. On his way out he ran into

the door that didn’t work and had a big sign that said, "Use other

door" on it, that was amusing. Grr. I hate people.

In other news, I went and regiestered for classes yesterday. I’m taking:

Engl 105; Soc 134; Math 150; Acct 285; Bus Ad 101; Econ 101; Lib 160. It’s

going to really suck, on TR I have an 8 AA class and a 6 PM class. And I

don’t have any classes inbetween them.

July 31, 2001

July 31, [Dido, "Thank You"]

Life in my life has sucked today. I don’t really know what it is. I’ve

just been really depressed and everything seems to annoy me really easily.

I’m getting quite fed up with it all. This quote seems to work nicely now:

"Every day it’s the same thing — variety. I want something different."

Nothing seems to really cheer me up any more. Well, there’s something that

would, but I know that’ll never happen. I’m really not looking forward to

going to college this year either, I just don’t know what it is. I’m depressed

yet again. Hopefully it’ll go away soon, I think people are getting annoyed

with my depressed state of mind.

The PU’s came back from vacation today, 5 fucking days early. I hate them.

I had plans for this week, I didn’t want them here. I got home tonight and

the house is already a mess. There’s clothes all over down here and dog

prints on the floor. God Fucking Damn them. I hate my family. Sometimes

I just want to shoot them in thier sleep. Life would be better then.

Grrr. Just generally bad times.