Author: Andy McGee

Not Much Time.

So I don’t have much time but I will write as much as I can in the next few minutes.

The rest of my day with Chris was GREAT!!!

We went to SalVal and Goodwill and didn’t find anything good. We also tried to go to a 1/2 price bookstore, but it was closed due to a water pipe burst or something.

So then we went to a porn store, which was just funny cause it was really small and we went in the middle of the day. We looked at stuff and I contemplated buying a dildo. I seriously would get one, a really small one, just to work on my boo tay. Though I think I might be too scared to actually purchase one.

I’d probably tell them it was for a friend lol. I would just feel weird.

We also rented Dolores Claiborne. So we went back to Chris’ and watched about half of it. It’s reallygood, I love tha tmovie. Though it really is a bit creepy.

After that, Chris started making dinner, and I went out for gas. When I got back, I saw that Chris had set out some candles and a blanket on the floor for us. I guess he was planning to have it ready for when I got back, but I came too soon. So I closed my eyes and ran to the other room. He came for me a few minutes later. I guess he thought that it was stupid, at least thats what his journal indicated. Well, I Thought it was totally sweet and totally cute. It was very thoughtful and as we sat there eating, neither of us said much, and I just spent most of the time looking at how beautiful he is, and eating my yummy food! I was so happy that my Topher would plan out something like that!!! YAY! After that, we finished watching the rest of the movie.

I’ve gotta stop now b/c I have to go to work, but a list of things to look forward to later

Gifts
The “L” word
Crying
The shower

I will update when I get home from work.
BREAK!

So Gifts??

Ok here is the contiunatin of my last update.

So gifts…. Chris got me the best, most thoughtful gifts I’ve ever gotten. He made me EVERY Cranberries CD there is…actually made with the pictures on the covers and everything. And tehre was another extra CD with all the songs they didn’t have on albums, plus a CD of the MP3s so I couldp ut it all on my computer. It was the sweetest gift ever!! He also got me the book culture jam, which I really wanted. And he gave me a photo album (which I also really wanted/needed) and he printed off all the pics of my graduation and the zoo and put thema ll in there! ALl the gifts were sooo totally sweet I couldn’t even believe it!

He truly is the best boyfriend ever!! Everyone is sooo jealous of me 🙂

So I’ll just skip to the good part 🙂 We were just laying down on his bed, talking, and I started crying. I think what set me off was Chris saying something about where has all the time gone, and then I had a panic attack about leaving, and started to cry. Pretty soon we were both crying. Eventually we seemed to compose ourselves. Chris was laying on top of me. We were talking about if he liked me or not and I was like “How much do you like me?”

And he leaned in close, and whispered in my ear,
“I love you baby.”

I started to cry again. I didn’t even know what to do. I know it was hard for him to be the first to say it. I told him that I loved him as well. Then we were both crying and I didn’t know what to do. The emotions were so strong right then.

It was insanely hard to leave that night. I just wanted to stay with my baby and make sure that everything was ok with him, and with myself. But I had to force myself out and before i left, he told me he loved me again. Oh those words mean so much to me. If only he knew!!

So in short, amazing night/day/night, and I can’t wait till tomorrow night when I can see my beautiful baby again!!!

Not Far From The Truth

Well, you know what It’s a really good thing that I didn’t type a 3 page long private update and have Microsoft Works randomly stop responding just as I was finishing up about today.

Hmmmmmmmmmmmmmm

UBER PISSED!

And let’s be honest, not that I don’t want to write it all again, but I’m just not going to, it was fucking 3 pages and took like 45 minutes.

Goddammit.

This weekend was very good.

Swimming at gray’s lake w/ creepies. Eating good dinner at Beckys. Rimming in the hot tub. Fingering all over the place. Cumming a lot that night.
Damn, now this update sucks b/c I’m cranky about losing the last one.

Adventureland today was really really fun. Chris came over at like 10:30, and then we left w/ Erin and Court and headed out. Got there and got in and started riding rides.

There was a bit of a problem w/ the roller coaster situation. Chris doesn’t go on roller coasters but I really wanted him to. In my mind, I was hoping that one day he would be able to tell people that he hated roller coasters but that this guy Andrew that he knew forced him to go on one once, and it changed his life forever, and now he isn’t afraid at all. I just wanted to help my baby. But it’s ok, he didn’t see it that way and that’s fine. Everyone likes different things. It wasn’t enough to cause a fight or anything, just a minor annoyance on Chris’ part and a little frustration on mine. No biggie though.

The Race thingy was uber fun. As soon as we got our first clue, Ryan was off running. We tried to keep up but we had to run. Anyways Chris and I ran a LOT. We had to keep going on different rides, and it was fun b/c we would try to barter w/ people in line so that we could get ahead of them and make it. Anyways lots of running, lots of laughs and our team ended up coming in first!!!! YAY!!! We got 20 Adventureland Bucks. I used mine on food and games. I lost all the games, and was really pissed about it. More pissed than I should’ve been, since they were just stupid games. But it really annoyed me.

Didn’t really do much after that, came back here and layed w/ Chris for awhile, didn’t really want to ever get up but eventually we had to. Chris apparently thinks that he is the one who suggests that it is time for me to leave when I come up on Wednesday, which is completely untrue. I always do. Then he states he forces me out and feels bad. I never really feel forced, but it makes me feel really stupid when he says that. I can’t really explain it, it almost feels like he’s saying Yeah so you can’t leave on your own, so I have to force you out Anyways, I know that isn’t it, so no need to dwell on it.

Said goodbye and it was sad and I think at one point Chris was either A. About to tear up or B. tearing up. Which I find so incredibly touching. I mean David cried a few times during our relationship, but it was usually over something stupid, and not anything actually involving me. It just shows me that he cares.

Now he’s gone and I’m sad. But he asked me to spend the night on Tuesday, so hopefully I can. And then Wednesday is our 2 month! My 2nd longest relationship, set to be the longest.

Here’s a little secret: I don’t have anything for him yet. I was SO fucking busy last week, plus I saw him EVERY day, so there was no time for me to get something. Plus, the damn thing I’m looking for, I can’t fucking find. So annoying. And I feel bad b/c I didn’t plan this well enough, and I wanted to do something original and creative, but yeah doesn’t look like it’s gonna happen. I will make myself a note to begin work on a 3rd month present to make up for my lack of preparedness this month. And I know the material things are not a big deal, but I still want to get my Topher something nice. Hopefully he will like what I end up getting.

So random thought: the other Saturday at work before we went to the zoo, I was talking to Cara and Jean about going to the zoo etc, and completely randomly Cara is like So you’re in love with Chris? And I was like What?? Where did that come from? And she was like Spending the night with his grandparents, going on a trip to the zoo, you two are obviously in love. I was like Ooooook….. Very odd, but I don’t feel it’s far from the truth. Well, I hope it’s not.

Anyways to recap quickly since it all got lost, last week was very good. I surprised Chris on Monday in Ames and spent the night, he came down Tuesday and spent the night and we hung out all day Wednesday. Didn’t do much of any real importance.

Had a cry fest Wed. night b/c I suddenly had a panic attack about leaving and stuff. I just got in one of those moods that I can get in. Yeah so we cried and kissed and talked about stuff, I felt better afterwards but I did not want Chris to leave me. So sad.

And now I’m gonna be gone in a week again too. That will suck. Even more so than the other week. Well, it will and it won’t. It will b/c I won’t be doing anything there, like I was on the cruise. But it won’t b/c I will have access to a phone so I can talk to Chris whenever I want to. So that works out pretty good.\

Hmmm anything else important?

Other weekend memories
Screaming Woman
I really wanna fuck your hot ass
Reinstating Sister, sister The Proud Family

And a couple weeks back, it was really really funny, we were leaving my house and Chris was like Damn I should’ve brought my sunglasses, it’s so bright. And I was like Yeah, you are probably blind. And he goes I am. Then he proceeds to walk with his hands out, like he’s searching for something and going Where’s the car??? It was SOOOOO funny. I still laugh when I think about it.

Anyways.

All in all a great week. Can’t wait to see him again. Lots of scandalous ness to talk about real quick. I gave him head in the skywalks, and just recently on top off the parking garage by Javas. It was really embarrassing though b/c he was dry humping me and licking me and I turned around for something and there was definitely some woman who came out of the building and who was walking towards her car and saw us. I was so embarrassed, I just ran away. Funny though.

Dinner at Becky’s was uber good, even though there were really scary people at Gray’s Lake.

And so my WinAmp keeps going pink floyd, alanis, erykah badu, pink floyd, alanis, erykah badu it’s really fucking annoying.

Anyways, that’s about it, I miss my Topher man!

BREAK!

Another Wonderfull Day/Night

Had another wonderful day/night with Chris.

We also had a long talk yesterday about things we do and do not like being done in a relationship. I like the fact that we have the same opinions on a lot of things. For instance, we both think that small problems should be fixed. An example used was Adam’s vibrating leg that just wouldn’t quit and Chris said he used to get so mad and he’d just end up exploding. Anyways, lots was talked about and so it was all good.

today he came over… there isn’t really much that I need to put on here that I can’t write on my regular journal.

Except that when we were in the movie, we made out a little bit and pants were unzipped…no penises taken out, just rubbed through pants, but that was still pretty fun and scandalous! Considering there were breeders in the row in front of us! Ugh, why are breeders all over the place???

Anyways, so we had a really good night, and at the end, I invited him in, but he declined and I was sad b/c I *really* wanted him to stay a little longer. But He had to get home. So we stood and said goodbye for I think probably a good almost half hour. Tomorrow will suck not having him, Thursdays always suck! Though with work, working out, and then dinner with Ann H., I should at least be kept busy, so that’ll work. And then all I have to do is make it through work on Friday and then we will be together again, only to be seperated for just a few hours on Saturday, and then together all night and stuff! So yeah let’s just say that next Monday will uber suck.

Oh and while I’m thinking of it, I asked Mother today about Chris coming to NJ/LA with us to see me off to school. Mother said its ok!! So that is really exciting, and I’m glad he will be able to come, so hopefully he still wants to. I’m just afraid that it’ll make it even harder to leave… and then I’ll have to act all happy during orientation even though I won’t be. Eh, I guess I’ll just deal with things as they come, it’s best not to worry about it now.

Anyways, off to beddybyes

Continuation

Ok, I am gonna go ahead nad finish this update, since my mother isn’t home and so no one is on the computer.

And I’m typing this from the comfyness of my own bedroom, while I’m still in bed!!! Weeee I love my labtop!

So after the hot tub, we decided to just go in the house and finish things up. So we went to Chris’ room and I basically explored his body with my tongue. I hope he liked it, it seemed like he did. So yeah, I licked him all over, gave him a pretty long rimmy, fingered him a bit, and played with hoodie as well. Eventually I was standing up and kissing him while playing with Hoodie and Enfuego at the same time. It felt pretty good, at least for me. Anyways I didn’t want to cum yet, so I stopped and just started up with Hoodie. I kept kissing Chris and licking his neck/ear/shoulder. And I was totally shocked b/c he was like “I’m gonna cum” He said that it would take up to 2 weeks for him to be able to cum again so I was amazed that he actually did. Anyways he shot it standing up, and so it was all over my hand and a little on my foot. He was breathing exceptionally hard and he was really sweating. I hope tha tmeans I was doing good. Afterwards, he raved for a bit about how great it was, then we moved on to me, and that’s where things went a bit awry. But just a very little bit. First he gave me a wonderful rimmy which felt so damn good for some reason, then just licking in that area, then he got lube and attempted to finger me. I did my best to enjoy it and concentrate on the pleasure and not any pain I was feeling. It really didn’t hurt that bad, but Chris said my face didn’t indicate that I really liked it, so eventually he stopped. Now, unbeknowst to me, this upset Chris. He said he was afraid that he hurt me emotionally by trying to do that, but he really didn’t. It makes me so mad b/c I WANT to be fingered, I really like it when I do it myself, but when someone else tries, I just get very tense and scared and it just hurts. Perhaps it’s something that Chris and I can work on. So then he just started jacking me and that’s when I started to get annoyed.

I know it sounds stupid, but I was annoyed b/c he wasn’t doing anything except jacking me. Now, it takes a lot for me to cum, I hardly ever cum by just his hand, and if I do, it needs to be b/c he’s jacking me AND doing something else (licking, etc) he kissed me a little bit and licked my neck, but I wasn’t even very close. The whole time I was wondering “Why isn’t he licking my elbow? WHy isn’t he down by Enfuego licking in that area?” And it’s the stupidest thing, but it really just made me mad and so I just took over my own penis, and then he pretty much just layed there and didn’t do anything, so I just gave up. Then he knew something was wrong and we talked about it and that’s where I found out that he was upset about the fingering thing, and so wasn’t putting his all into it and was distracted. Meanwhile, I didn’t think anythig of the fingering thing, so to me it looked like he was just too tired or not into it enough to help me finish. But we got things resolved and it was no biggie, though Chris seemed a bit upset on the ride home.

Saying goodbye that night was tough as always. I practically fell asleep in the car just sitting there kissing and talking to him. I told him he could come and spend the night, but it’s a good thing he didn’t b/c the fam didn’t go out this morning.

So then Sunday I called about 11, then went and got gas and my computer and then went over to Chris’. We went downtown for Pride and that was a good time. Watched the parade, I randomly saw Eric Wilcox down there, I was like what the hell. So we just sat around, watched the skits, blah blah good times, it was nice b/c we were able to hold hands and kiss and it wasn’t a big deal b/c everyone there was gay. And there was the cutest little boy behind us. Chris says I really do want kids. I disagree. I said I’m more of a babysitter b/c I can only stand children in small doses.

Then we went to the Garden for BBQ/Drag show. We saw ICR and Chris’ English teacher. ICR was kinda following us and it was bothering Chris and he was like “Yeah so I want to find someone to take home” and we were just like oh ok…. So yeah we kinda danced and kissed before the show. Then it started and so we stood there and danced to the good songs. The show was pretty good but it was uber long, and since there weren’t any seats, and it was very crowded and hot, it made it a bit uncomfortable. But we saw that Ben guy from Boy Scouts again, he’s so hot! lol He is dating stupid Mike, who is now a drag queen, but they didn’t talk or even act like they were dating the whole time. Very odd. Then Ben sped off and looked uber pissed. Well, whatever.

So we eventually left, taking Dustin’s car, and then getting mine, driving back and theng oing to Java’s where we talked about how stupid everyone is. Being there really made me realize how much I don’t really fit into the gay scene. I’m not a drunken slut. And I also realized how lucky I am to have a guy like Chris. If it wasn’t for him, I could’ve ended up with one of those stupid crazy people who wouldn’t know how to treat me. Speaking of stupid people, randomly Jeremy and Alex from TN are dating. How completely random! Whatever! So yeah I am so lucky with Christopher.

There was a eeny bit of drama at the show b/c I said something about how I think Rodrigo might be a bit slutty. And Chris was like “Well, look who he’s made out with.” And it really kinda hurt me to hear him say something like that. I know he was kidding, but I just don’t like being called a slut, even in jest. But it’s no biggie, it’s fine now I’m over it.

When we got back to Chris’ we decided to lay down and I assumed for just like 10-15 minutes. Yeah,well an hour later I finally got up and left. But we talked more about Adam and our trip to MN and all the times that him and Chris should’ve broken up. I’m glad that he feels he made the right decision in being with me. I also made him promise one night that if I cease to be the best thing for him, that he break up with me, and he agreed and made me promise the same.

Leaving was hard, in fact, Chris started crying. It really affected me. I’ve never had someone cry before b/c I had to leave them. It really shows me how much he cares about me and it really makes me feel special. yay for Chris and I! In fact, I feel like I’m gonna cry now, but I don’t really know why.

Now it’s Monday morning. I hate Mondays b/c I spend the whole weekend with Chris and then he suddenly isn’t there. I woke up this morning feeling very empty without him in bed with me. I don’t really know how next year is going to work. I don’t know how I can deal living without him
“lying in my bed again and I cry cause you’re not here”
“I need your affection all the way”
“And I miss you when you’re gone…”
Cranberries are like the best band in the world.
So I really miss Chris and I’m going to get ready soon and then go to work and I’ll be thinking of him the whole time. I wish it was Wednesday.

Current mood: discontent
Current music: cranberries