Ok, I am gonna go ahead nad finish this update, since my mother isn’t home and so no one is on the computer.

And I’m typing this from the comfyness of my own bedroom, while I’m still in bed!!! Weeee I love my labtop!

So after the hot tub, we decided to just go in the house and finish things up. So we went to Chris’ room and I basically explored his body with my tongue. I hope he liked it, it seemed like he did. So yeah, I licked him all over, gave him a pretty long rimmy, fingered him a bit, and played with hoodie as well. Eventually I was standing up and kissing him while playing with Hoodie and Enfuego at the same time. It felt pretty good, at least for me. Anyways I didn’t want to cum yet, so I stopped and just started up with Hoodie. I kept kissing Chris and licking his neck/ear/shoulder. And I was totally shocked b/c he was like “I’m gonna cum” He said that it would take up to 2 weeks for him to be able to cum again so I was amazed that he actually did. Anyways he shot it standing up, and so it was all over my hand and a little on my foot. He was breathing exceptionally hard and he was really sweating. I hope tha tmeans I was doing good. Afterwards, he raved for a bit about how great it was, then we moved on to me, and that’s where things went a bit awry. But just a very little bit. First he gave me a wonderful rimmy which felt so damn good for some reason, then just licking in that area, then he got lube and attempted to finger me. I did my best to enjoy it and concentrate on the pleasure and not any pain I was feeling. It really didn’t hurt that bad, but Chris said my face didn’t indicate that I really liked it, so eventually he stopped. Now, unbeknowst to me, this upset Chris. He said he was afraid that he hurt me emotionally by trying to do that, but he really didn’t. It makes me so mad b/c I WANT to be fingered, I really like it when I do it myself, but when someone else tries, I just get very tense and scared and it just hurts. Perhaps it’s something that Chris and I can work on. So then he just started jacking me and that’s when I started to get annoyed.

I know it sounds stupid, but I was annoyed b/c he wasn’t doing anything except jacking me. Now, it takes a lot for me to cum, I hardly ever cum by just his hand, and if I do, it needs to be b/c he’s jacking me AND doing something else (licking, etc) he kissed me a little bit and licked my neck, but I wasn’t even very close. The whole time I was wondering “Why isn’t he licking my elbow? WHy isn’t he down by Enfuego licking in that area?” And it’s the stupidest thing, but it really just made me mad and so I just took over my own penis, and then he pretty much just layed there and didn’t do anything, so I just gave up. Then he knew something was wrong and we talked about it and that’s where I found out that he was upset about the fingering thing, and so wasn’t putting his all into it and was distracted. Meanwhile, I didn’t think anythig of the fingering thing, so to me it looked like he was just too tired or not into it enough to help me finish. But we got things resolved and it was no biggie, though Chris seemed a bit upset on the ride home.

Saying goodbye that night was tough as always. I practically fell asleep in the car just sitting there kissing and talking to him. I told him he could come and spend the night, but it’s a good thing he didn’t b/c the fam didn’t go out this morning.

So then Sunday I called about 11, then went and got gas and my computer and then went over to Chris’. We went downtown for Pride and that was a good time. Watched the parade, I randomly saw Eric Wilcox down there, I was like what the hell. So we just sat around, watched the skits, blah blah good times, it was nice b/c we were able to hold hands and kiss and it wasn’t a big deal b/c everyone there was gay. And there was the cutest little boy behind us. Chris says I really do want kids. I disagree. I said I’m more of a babysitter b/c I can only stand children in small doses.

Then we went to the Garden for BBQ/Drag show. We saw ICR and Chris’ English teacher. ICR was kinda following us and it was bothering Chris and he was like “Yeah so I want to find someone to take home” and we were just like oh ok…. So yeah we kinda danced and kissed before the show. Then it started and so we stood there and danced to the good songs. The show was pretty good but it was uber long, and since there weren’t any seats, and it was very crowded and hot, it made it a bit uncomfortable. But we saw that Ben guy from Boy Scouts again, he’s so hot! lol He is dating stupid Mike, who is now a drag queen, but they didn’t talk or even act like they were dating the whole time. Very odd. Then Ben sped off and looked uber pissed. Well, whatever.

So we eventually left, taking Dustin’s car, and then getting mine, driving back and theng oing to Java’s where we talked about how stupid everyone is. Being there really made me realize how much I don’t really fit into the gay scene. I’m not a drunken slut. And I also realized how lucky I am to have a guy like Chris. If it wasn’t for him, I could’ve ended up with one of those stupid crazy people who wouldn’t know how to treat me. Speaking of stupid people, randomly Jeremy and Alex from TN are dating. How completely random! Whatever! So yeah I am so lucky with Christopher.

There was a eeny bit of drama at the show b/c I said something about how I think Rodrigo might be a bit slutty. And Chris was like “Well, look who he’s made out with.” And it really kinda hurt me to hear him say something like that. I know he was kidding, but I just don’t like being called a slut, even in jest. But it’s no biggie, it’s fine now I’m over it.

When we got back to Chris’ we decided to lay down and I assumed for just like 10-15 minutes. Yeah,well an hour later I finally got up and left. But we talked more about Adam and our trip to MN and all the times that him and Chris should’ve broken up. I’m glad that he feels he made the right decision in being with me. I also made him promise one night that if I cease to be the best thing for him, that he break up with me, and he agreed and made me promise the same.

Leaving was hard, in fact, Chris started crying. It really affected me. I’ve never had someone cry before b/c I had to leave them. It really shows me how much he cares about me and it really makes me feel special. yay for Chris and I! In fact, I feel like I’m gonna cry now, but I don’t really know why.

Now it’s Monday morning. I hate Mondays b/c I spend the whole weekend with Chris and then he suddenly isn’t there. I woke up this morning feeling very empty without him in bed with me. I don’t really know how next year is going to work. I don’t know how I can deal living without him
“lying in my bed again and I cry cause you’re not here”
“I need your affection all the way”
“And I miss you when you’re gone…”
Cranberries are like the best band in the world.
So I really miss Chris and I’m going to get ready soon and then go to work and I’ll be thinking of him the whole time. I wish it was Wednesday.

Current mood: discontent
Current music: cranberries

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