Sept 16, 2001

Sept 16, [Soundgarden, "Black Hole Sun"]

Wow, is the only word that pops to mind when I try to descrive this weekend.

It’s been full of emotional out pourings from everyone in every sense of

the word. It’s been by far one of the best weekends since school started.

I hope they keep up.

Friday night was quite the night. Adam and I were going to go to the homecoming

football game, but itwas cancelled, so we went downtown. Ryan Mcconnell

(sp?) called Adam and asked him out. Adam seems to feel that it should bother

me, but it really doesn’t. I mean I know that he’s going to have to start

dating again sometime, and it will hurt me when he does. But I know that

he will eventually and I feel as though I’m ready to see him do that. It

doesn’t bother me that ryan called and asked him out, what would bother

me though is that if Adam did go out with him. When we broke up, he said

that he didn’t feel that he was ready to date at this point in his life,

and he’s still saying that, so right now I would be hurt if he did. That’s

right now. But I know that that will change someday, and I feel as though

I’ve moved on enough so that when it does happen, it won’t kill me. I’ll

be sad about it, but I’ll also be happy that he’s dating again. Emotions

are such a fucked up thing. I love the relationship that I have with Adam

right now. We’re so close and I love it. I don’t want to lose the friendship

that I have with him.

Saturday was just a totally fucked up day all in all, but it was really

cool. Adam and I met up about 11 or so. He didn’t have any money so he had

to call him mom to see if she would loan him some so he could go to the

dance, well he was on the phone and said that I was going with him to the

homecoming and Rob started making really derogetorry statments and us going

together, and that really pissed me off. He said, "Well Chris, you

should get a dress for prom." I just wanted to fucking scream and him,

and that wasn’t the only time yesterday that he pissed me off. The second

time he was trying to buy my car from me and I told him "NO" and

he just kept going. Grrr. But yeah, Adan and I went out car shopping after

that. It was fun, then we went back to his house and hung out and talked

and just messed around there. Then we went out with my mom to supper. It

was fun, but my Parents just annoy me. She let my brother wear a bright

orange shirt and camo pants to the Macarroni Grill. I was like, OMG. We

heard stories about drunk Little Chris, it was fun. Then after that we went

back to Adam’s so he could get him money, and his mom was really sad I guess

is how I would put it. Bad times there. Then we went to the dance, that

was alot of fun. First schoolesk dance I’ve ever been to. It was great.

After that we went back to the park with Andi and Leah and we hung out and

talked about anything and everything. Adam vented which was good for him

to do and we talked about him and Angie and such. Then we went back to his

house after Leah and Andi left and we ended up talking to him mom for 2

hours, it was really cool to be able to talk to her about everything. I

wish I had a relationship with my parents like Adam does with his.

Today, Sunday’s been just a downer day. It’s been raining all afternoon

and it’s been cloudy all day. I dunno. I was going to leave home at 12 or

so, but I went up to see Mandy at work before I left. I ended up not getting

back to the dorm tell 6. Oh well I had lots of fun, Mandy and I went and

got pictures developed from when Angie left. It was sad. I have them posted

on my wall now, and I’ve been sitting here listening to Graduation Song

and just thinking about how everyone’s changed since high school and everyone

that I haven’t seen since graduation. I dunno. I really didn’t want to come

back to campus today. I just wanted to stay in Ankeny and hang out with

Adam.

Tonight I went out with Katie, Vero, and Ryan. It was good times. We went

to get Katie’s car and she thought she had lost it. It was really funny

cause we were in this parking lot and she was like going insane cause she

thought she had lost it, or it was towed or something. But no fear we found

it. Then went over to Ryan’s and played video games and ate pizza. It was

cool.

I dunno. I’m just really depressed today. I really didn’t want to leave

Ankeny. I’m so sad being back here in the dorms, they’re so depressing and

Grrr. I just hate it here. :'(

Sept 14, 2001

Sept 14, [Dead Kennedy’s, "Pull My Strings"]

Hehe, I’m amused this person

linked to me. 🙂

On other topics. Today’s FRIDAY!!! I hear they might cancell the football

game tonight at Ankeny. So that royally fucks up Adam and my plans for tonight.

Oh well I’m sure we’ll find something to do. I want to hang out with Mandy

sometime this weekend, cause I haven’t seen her in a while. But my schedule

is so full already, I don’t know if I’ll get the chance to do it.

I have a Soc quiz today. I haven’t even opened the book yet. Opps. I’ll

get to it sometime. I swear. Just not now.

Really short updates lately, sorry about that, but there’s just really

not that much going on around here to talk about. Life seems to be going

pretty good. Well, not really. But in most senses of the word, life’s going

pretty good. I have to go to class now though, so laters all. Maybe I’ll

see you this weekend.

Sept 13, 2001 #2

Sept 13, #2 [Stereomud, "Pain"]

Yay for having

a cool ass job that gives me cool ass expensive peices of software to test

out. This is a $5,000 piece of software that they gave me to test out.

Hehe. It’s so fucking cool.

In other news, we had a quiz today in Econ, it was funny he said it was

open book and open notes, well he handed it out and everyone was just helping

everyone, it was great. So it was like a huge ass group test. It was good

times. If everyone doesn’t Ace that test. I’m going to scream cause well

the entire lecture hall was taking it together. Hehe. I love my Econ Prof.

Sept 13, 2001

Sept 13, [Godsmack, "Keep Away"]

Gotta Love NASA.

I hate my TA for Math 150. He e-mailed us today and gave us HW to have

done by Monday. The bastard.

Not much really going on today. I’m really depressed right now. I can’t

wait tell Friday. I’m going to skip my Math class and go home early. I got

a working LINUX boot disk today, so I’ll have to DL Redhat 7.1 and burn

it to disk, all 3 gig’s of it. Grrr. Oh well.

So I’m going to bring my other computer up on Sunday, that is if I can

get my monitor back from my parents. They stole it a while ago, why I don’t

know, the one they had on thier computer was much better then what I had.

Oh well. Whatever they want.

I got some other stuff I have to download and install as well. I’ve got

access to RealSystems RealServer so I’m going to try installing that so

I can stream live video to my website. I don’t know when I’ll get to that

though cause I have alot of other things to get done right now. Like Econ

and Math. Laters all.

Sept 12, 2001 #2

Sept 12, #2 [Oasis, "Champagne Supernova"]

Sometimes I just drive myself insane and have to get up from what I’m doing

and just go somewhere. That happened tonight. I was bothering myself so

I got up and went and took a long shower. I don’t know why I do it. Some

of me thinks I’m pariniod. Well I know that’s part of it, but what bothers

me the most is that when other people talk to someone other then me, when

I was talking to them. And I’m not included in the conversation I get really

posesive. I don’t think that’s a very good explination, but that’s the best

I can do right now. But I know what I mean. It just annoys the hell out

of me that I can’t be part of that. Well I guess an example would be good.

Like this summer, when everyone was going to the mall, but I couldn’t cause

I had to work, that bugged the hell out of me to the point that I was mad

as hell at everyone that was going, just because I couldn’t go. It wasn’t

because I wasn’t invited, they wanted me to go. It was because I had something

that I already had to do. That bugged me to no ends. I finally just said

screw work and went in like a couple hours late so that I could go to the

mall, cause I know that had I not gone to the mall and they came back and

told all thier stories. I would have been even madder. I know that I do

this, and I try not to, but sometimes I just can’t help myself. I wish that

I didn’t do it. Another example is RENT. I really want to see it, but the

thing that’s bothering me the most is that everyone else has seen it, and

Adam, the only person in the group that I know of that hasn’t, is going

to see it in Oct. That really bothers me that if I don’t get to go. I’ll

hear all his stories about it and I’ll just want to scream. Sometimes I

just hate myself.

And something else. Tonight one of Adam’s friends got online and I had

seen her SN somewhere, so I added her to my buddy list. I don’t know why.

I have a thing with knowledge, but that’s a whole different topic. But anyway.

I couldn’t remeber who it was, so I asked Adam and he told me and then was

like, how’d you know. I said that I didn’t remember, because I didn’t. (A

bit of background is always good. He’s been having problems with people

getting into his AIM account and deleting his Buddie list. I think he left

the password somewhere when he logged in from school) But anyway, he asked

me if I was the one that got into his account and messed it up. Now I knew

that he was doing it in a joking manner, but I took it personally. Another

thing that really bothered me. I told him that I was offended, when inreality

in my heart I wasn’t. I knew that he said it in more of a joking manner,

well I was at least going to give him the benifit of the doubt. I figured

he knew me well enough to trust me that I wouldn’t do anything. I don’t

know. Grrr. Just Grrr at me. :'(