May 29, 2001

may 29, #3 [fine young canibals, "good thing"] tonight was pretty

cool. xak randomly showed up at my door and i was like, WTF are you doing

here, so we left and went to mandy’s but she wasn’t there. so we went to kum

and go, where we found her. then we went to julians house, i’d never been

there before, it was cool. we hung there tell mandy got off, then we went

to wal-mart picked up a layaway thing jules had and went to get mandy. then

we went off and we found nic, so we followed him home, and talked to him,

he was going to the westside to hang so we left him, came and got my car and

went to ankeny to eat, that was amusing, then we went to the westside to find

nic, where we found him, he offered substances to everyone, mandy jules and

i didn’t do any and mandy was uncomfortalbe with it so i took her home. then

i went back out there, and we just hung around talking and making fun of xak

cause he was funny. i’ve been really down though lately when i’m with the

group. cause i mean i feel realy bad about leaving all summer, and i really

don’t feel like i’m part of the group. i mean they always talk about, hey

remember this time or that time, and it’s like no, i wasn’t there. and it’s

just really sad. and plus i’m really going to miss them all this summer when

i’m gone. i mean ya know i’ll be home most weekends, but i’ll be so fucking

exhuasted, i proably won’t want to do much, if anything. and with the whole

feelings shit, which i’ve talked about up there in places, it’s really draggin

me down. but i really enjoy going out with them and all that. i realy really

do. people better come up and see me at camp. they better. damnit.<

May 29, 2001

may 29, #2 [celine dion, "my heart will go on"] can’t i just fucking

shoot my parents, my dad just yelled at me agian for that $85 phone bill.

he’s like, "i told you not to talk so long the first time" and i

was like, no you didn’t. and he just wouldn’t let it drop, some how we got

to the point of "what do you think we’re just going to give you a blank

check" and i was like "no" and then we got to "well how

long have you not had a job" and to that i said "HOW LONG HAVE I

HAD A JOB" and he let that drop. the stupid bastard. i mean comon, lately

i’ve been paying for almost everything i’ve had to get. they hanve’t bought

me clothes in over a year now, and it’s not because i don’t need them it’s

because they won’t buy me clothes. [the step kings, "vibe"] one

week i’ll be like, "mom i need new clothes" and she’s like "next

week we’ll go out" next week comes along, "mom i stil needs new

clothes", "next week" and they just keep putting shit off.

and ya know, after you have so many holes in things, you just go out and buy

the shit yourself. i really am ready to fucking shoot them if i don’t get

out of here soon. it’s like god damnit, they give everything to andy, but

me, what the hell do i get. i get moved out of MY room. i get yelled at for

every little thing, they go through my room and take stuff that’s "inappropriate"

and they don’t do that shit to andy. andy steals shit out of my room, and

gets away with it, but if i even step into his room i get yelled at. i work

my ass off keeping this place clean cause their all pigs, and don’t get shit,

but andy does shit and gets an allowanc for it. i ws never offered an aloowance,

and when i asked they said some shit about i should do it weather i’m aid

for it or not. i worked my ass off at his store for nothing, and andy never

had to do that, how much money did i save him and that damn store by working

all those fucking weekends and early mornings? he didn’t have to pay an extra

employee to work, so that had to have saved him shit loads of money, how many

years did i work at kum & go, how many hours do i put in at scout camp?

y aknow i’ve probably worked more hours then most 25 year olds have. and yet

he can’t pay for a fucking $85 phone bill. ya know something else. my contacts

too, my dad and andy went out together and got new glasses, over $400 for

the both of them. i told my mom back at thanksgiving, and christmas, and spring

break and easter to get an appointment set up for me, do you think she did?

nope, so i had to go get it done on my own, she said she would rimburse me.

so i get the cheapest contacts, one years supply of shit is $115. plus the

$70 for the doctor exam. now she won’t reimburse me. so there’s $185 plus

$85 for the phone bill that i wasn’t expecting to have to pay i _DON’T HAVE

THAT KIND OF MONEY_ oh yeah, i also had to pay for my own doctors visit for

my physical the other day, they wouldn’t pay for that either. i don’t remember

how much that was, but i know i dont have the omney to cover that, there’s

yet anouther bounced check. fucking ass holes. why can’t i get away from them

NOW.

May 29, 2001

may 29, [phil collins, "we fly so close"] ok so today i was packing

all my xy’s and advocates and all that stuff up so i could put it in my trunk.

well i found them all, except one, the one with the scout’s honor stuff in

it. i had left it in my scanner, but it was all covered, so the scanner would

have looked like it was empty, but even if someone opened the scanner the

back of the mag was up and it just had some advertisment on it. but the mag

was no where to be found, not in the scanner, not in my room, not in the bag

with the rest of the mags. so i started looking through all the places that

my parent’s hide things that they steal from me. i started with their bathroom

drawer, nothing new there, they still have some lighters and stuff they stole

from me and some writings, but nothing of any importance so i left those.

went to thier clostet, and went through all thier drawers, they had a few

other things there that they had taken fromme, still had my smokes from a

couple years ago, i opened those, they were really dry, lol. but i put everything

back, nothing i really needed there. went to thier bed, opened all the drawers

there. nope, nothing, went through thier windows seat, nothing new there,

found something i’m guessing will be someone’s b-day or christas present.

noticed that some of the guns were gone, but the locks for them were in the

bottom of the windows seat. i dunno where they went, my favorite gun was gone,

but i found it later, it was in the attic. i went back to thier bed and carefully

moved all the shit off thier head board and opened up the secret compartment

there, nothing new there, either. other then all thier p0rn. nothing exciting

though, it had been there for a while, it was covered in dust. so i was lost.

i didn’t know where the hell it could have gone. i went into andy’s room and

searched it. found a bunch of my cd’s so i ripped them into MP3. but then

my dad got home, so i had to stop looking for it.the case of the missing gay

magazine. Private Eye Chris is on the case. lol. other then that todays been

pretty boring, i’m cleaning my car up and stuff, i think i’ll put a for sale

sign on it, maybe like 7,000 or so. see what i can get, i rpobably won’t sell

it cause i don;t have the money to replace it, but i’m thinking. i also started

packing everything else i’ll need for the summer. i dunno if i’m going to

take my computer though. if i don’t i’ll only get one update a week and i’ll

miss alot of the stuff that will happen, but if i take it i’ll be able to

do all my updates, but i’ll have the problem of other annoying people wanting

to use it and also have the space and all that shit type problems. yep. but

also if i take it, i’ll have my cd, dvd, tv, vcr, mp3, radio and alarm clock

all in one. so that would be a good feature too. i think i’ll wait tell i

get there, and see what happens, if i can i decide i want to bring it my pu’s

are there the first week so they can bring it up to me. i’ve also printed

off that letter and hav e it packed away. so it’s ready to go.

May 28, 2001

may 28, #3 [fuel, "easy"] well i’ll tell you work sures as hell

wasn’t easy. we got out of the cpr and shit we were going to do today cause

it was raining and he wanted to do rainy day plans since we were all in that

mood. so we did that and also went through and every gave parts of thier speach,

god stadd can be so damn annoying, i had four people criticing me, and they

were so damn annoying, our jobs when we watch are to be the most annoying

as we can be, and damn do we doo a good job of that. lol. like was giving

a demonstration and i was tying a knot and one of the other staff members

was like, ‘well that knot won’t hold anythihng’ cause it’s a timber hitch

and just looking at it you would think that it couldn’t hold shit [bon jovi,

"you give love a bad name’] so i was like, well come test it, so he grabbed

the end that had the stick on it and i grabbed the rope end and we started

pulling, well since i didn’t have a stick to hold on to i wraped the rope

around my hand, like most people would do (i also had my back to a table,

not a good idea). but then one of the other staff memebers comes up and grabs

the extra rope that was behind me and pulls on it as hard as he can and it

just crushed my hand, i can’t hardly move my thumb, so if i’m missing any

spaces or anything that’s why. lol, but after i got my hand undone, they grabbed

the rope and pinned me up against the table and then down onto the top of

the table. once they let me up they were like, "never let a scout test

your knots if you’re going to do something like that have another adult hold

the other end of it" yeah, good lesson. eh. lol. i also found out that

i’m moving in on june 1, that’s this friday. [tonic, "mountian"]

yucky, i wasn’t expecting to have to move in tell the friday after this, but

he was like, hey can you move in early and help finish the ampitheater, cause

right now it’s ripped apart, they took all the steps and seats out cause it

was a major saftey hazard and they are redoing it, but because of all the

rain they are running WAY behind schedule, and that’s the only places besides

the dinning hall that you can hold all the scouts. so it has to be done before

camp starts. oh i also got my tenting assingment today, i’m tenting with (shit

i can’t think of his name, it starts with a "B") but he’s really

cute. lol. ben wasn’t there today either, that sucked, i was looking forward

to seeing him, but allen was there today too, and the lakefront director was

walking around in his swimsuit, so that was nice 🙂 he’s damn fucking hot.

lol. i think it should be a pretty good summer. i sure hope it’s oging to

be. well i’m going to go take a shower now cause i was eaten alive by bugs

and it’s killing me. they were mowing today so all the mosquitos and then

knats (sp?) were all out. i’m going to go through alot of bug spray this summer.

May 28, 2001

may 28, #2 [lifehouse, "somebody else’s song"]. well it’s 7:30

and i’m all rady for work. i got my lesson plans pretty muych all done last

night, but they still need alot of work. i have to give a presentation today,

so that’s going to suck arse. we also have to do youth pertection which is

just amn fucking boring. we also have to do CPR training today, god i hate

cpr. grrr. why can’t i just let people die? and ya know, it is a BSA camp,

there’s lots o people that know cpr, why do i have to be certified. alright,

i have to be leaving forwork now, laters all