Pissed

So this is going to be my first private post in a while… Mostly because something happened today that really pissed me off. Also because, I have these feelings that, well, I just don’t want.

First.. The thing that pissed me off. Ginny, asked Adam to her homecoming. Now, I don’t have a problem with him going. I really don’t. To me, it’d be just like going out as friends. But the thing that REALLY pisses me off is how people can be so inconsiderte as to even ASK him in the first place. It’s like HELLO! He’s god a BOY FRIEND! And this isn’t the first time he’s been asked to go somewhere like that. Missy asked him to go to PROM with her last year.

It just really annoys me that these people would even ASK him to go to a dance like those. Grrr. People are just RUDE!

Second, is that we were out this weekend. And lately I’ve been having a thing for Andrew and Mike. I dunno what it is. I really like them, but I love Adam. I don’t know if it’s just my maleness coming out or what. But I want to have sex with them. But I’d never be able to do it unless Adam’s there. I tell him that I want to have sex with them and I know that probably hurts him. But I hope that he knows that I’d never actually do it.

But I and it even hurts me, I want to know why I have these feelings. Why do they turn me on so much. Why am I not happy with having sex with Adam?

Perhaps it’s because Adam doesn’t really satisfy me. He doesn’t kiss before sex, he doesn’t do any of that. It’s just… Ok, lets have sex. And then lets go to bed. I want more in between. I want to have relations with him. When we did things with James (which by the way is over), it was always done slowly, things were moved slowly, but when we’re doing stuff, it’s right to the sex and then it’s over.

Now granted, he’s always got bad breath and that really is a HUGE turn off. I just really can’t deal with that, and I’ve encouraged him to go to the dentist and find out what’s wrong. Because even after he brushes his teeth well, even after he uses mouth wash. I love him, and I enjoy having sex with him… But I want to have more then just sex. I want to be able to make out with him, I want to be able to say that we make out for hours on end. Cause for some reason, it always comes up.

But in the end. I still want to have sex with Mike, and Andrew. And lots of other people. Every day, there’s someone that I’d like to give a blowjob to, or make out with, or have them fuck me. But Adam always stops me. Because I love him.

Edit Note (05-06-03): After what’s been going on the last couple months I feel as though some things should be clarified in this posting. What I felt for Andrew back then wasn’t just a sexual feeling, although that’s what I said in my post. Sometimes I word things in ways that if someone that shouldn’t see it, does see it, they won’t take as much offense as if I had said what I was actually wanting to say. So I re-word them, so that when I go back and read it, I know what happened for real, but no one else does. Anyways, the feelings for Andrew were far greater. And today they have blossomed into a now week long relationship. I know that sounds like such a short time comparitivly, but hey, we’ve made it through one strong week, and hopefully MANY MANY more to come.

::tap tap::

Hello in there??

Blah! Holar! Just so you know I’m still alive and all.

I didn’t go to work yesterday, instead I spent the day doing Hw, and researching Linux Security for the Vermont Upgrades. I’m thinking about trying out NetBSD… Perhaps.

Other then that… NOTHING! Nothing’s going on around here. Blah!

I’m off to take pictures of campus now, before the hellish snow sets in.

Fucking Winter. It should stay like it’s been for the last couple days all year round.

Bubye!

The year.

So I’m sitting here trying to figure out how I want to start this post. Do I want to be synical, or serious? I can’t decide.

It’s one year after that horrid day that struck America, and some people apparently haven’t learned to just move on. The media being the biggest. They drag it into our lives every day. And Continue to drag it out. Just let it go.

Yes, we all know that it was such a horrible day. So many people died that day, but people have to start somewhere with the recovery, and just dragging out the pain isn’t the place to start.

Sure, it’s nice of them to show a special, hold a memorial, just don’t re-enact the 24 hours of news coverage that was September 11th. Does America really need to see that much news covereage?

Really. Lets start the healing, and stop the damn news coverage.

On a different note, I’ve been watching it, only cause it’s the only thing on. (Good Eats is on at 8, I’m watching that!) And CBS has done an interview with Bush, and as much as I hate him, he’s really doing this well. And it’s good to see that he can cry, and cry on National Television. Fiannaly someone in power has the courage to cry in person. That’s conforting at least.

They’re telling all these stories, and it’s so good of them to get them on tape now, but must they really show all of them on TV. Rarr.

Ok, changing topics completely. I’m sick, so I’m not going to work tomorrow, I’ll probably go to the thing at noon about linux security though, only cause that’s what I want to get into. I’ll also probably spend most of the day on campus, doing HW and working, so I can at least make some of the $100 that I should make tomorrow. I’ll probably charge at least $80, cause I know I won’t spend all day on HW. I’ll get board and actually work. But it’ll be nice to have a day mostly to myself.

I have two tests next week. Rarr. But it’s also a good feeling, it’s the first part of the year gone already… after next week we’ll have 4 down, and only 12 more to go…. I’m out

Peddle, Peddle, Peddle…

So I got up this morning, wondered around and did random stuff and then went off to class this was 7:15, I was on time. I got to campus, and went to lock my bike up and realized that I didn’t have my bike lock. This was at 7:30, I have an 8’o clock class. I rode home… as fast as I could. I was there by 7:35, I had turned a normally 15 minute ride into a 5 minute ride… Just as I was getting there, the last bus was pulling away from the bus stop, so I could no longer ride that back to campus. So I ran upstairs, ot my lock and made it back to campus by 7:50. Whew!

That’s been my day so far…

I’m going to call in sick to work tomorrow. I really want to go to that Linux Security thing, and maybe I’ll stay after and ask how the hell you set up SMPT Auth. It’s so confusing. I also need help with LDAP, so if you know anything about either of those… Drop me a line.

I e-mailed my advisor yesterday about information on the Information Assurance Masters that ISU offers… It looks really interesting, so I’m thinking about maybe going for my masters after I get out, or something like that. We’ll see how things go. I’d like to get more then one Degree under my belt before going out into the “real world” but I don’t think that’s going to happen.

I have to get to class, so another update will come laters.

~

Invader Linux

Linux is invading the ISU campus… In the form of LINUX Week. I’m excited…. However, I’m only going to be able to make it to one of the things I want to see. I’m busy during all the others.

Noon-1 pm — “Administering Linux Systems”, Presentation, 144 Durham Center

The other one I wanted to go to was…

Noon-1 pm — “Practical Linux Security”, Presentation, 144 Durham Center. But I have to work, perhaps they’ll pay me to go see it! Wee!

So yeah, other then that, not much going on. I’ve been very sick, and have been coughing alot too. I sound horrible. Last night I was laying on my couch and without the AC on, it was far too hot, with the AC on low, it was far to cold, but with the AC on high and a nice blanket, it was just right…

They didn’t have undressed on last night, and it pissed me off cause I stayed up late just to see it. Fuckers. Tonight I’m fucking going to bed at 9. Shut it, I’m sick!

I have shit loads of HW to do, and I don’t feel like doing them!