So this is going to be my first private post in a while… Mostly because something happened today that really pissed me off. Also because, I have these feelings that, well, I just don’t want.
First.. The thing that pissed me off. Ginny, asked Adam to her homecoming. Now, I don’t have a problem with him going. I really don’t. To me, it’d be just like going out as friends. But the thing that REALLY pisses me off is how people can be so inconsiderte as to even ASK him in the first place. It’s like HELLO! He’s god a BOY FRIEND! And this isn’t the first time he’s been asked to go somewhere like that. Missy asked him to go to PROM with her last year.
It just really annoys me that these people would even ASK him to go to a dance like those. Grrr. People are just RUDE!
Second, is that we were out this weekend. And lately I’ve been having a thing for Andrew and Mike. I dunno what it is. I really like them, but I love Adam. I don’t know if it’s just my maleness coming out or what. But I want to have sex with them. But I’d never be able to do it unless Adam’s there. I tell him that I want to have sex with them and I know that probably hurts him. But I hope that he knows that I’d never actually do it.
But I and it even hurts me, I want to know why I have these feelings. Why do they turn me on so much. Why am I not happy with having sex with Adam?
Perhaps it’s because Adam doesn’t really satisfy me. He doesn’t kiss before sex, he doesn’t do any of that. It’s just… Ok, lets have sex. And then lets go to bed. I want more in between. I want to have relations with him. When we did things with James (which by the way is over), it was always done slowly, things were moved slowly, but when we’re doing stuff, it’s right to the sex and then it’s over.
Now granted, he’s always got bad breath and that really is a HUGE turn off. I just really can’t deal with that, and I’ve encouraged him to go to the dentist and find out what’s wrong. Because even after he brushes his teeth well, even after he uses mouth wash. I love him, and I enjoy having sex with him… But I want to have more then just sex. I want to be able to make out with him, I want to be able to say that we make out for hours on end. Cause for some reason, it always comes up.
But in the end. I still want to have sex with Mike, and Andrew. And lots of other people. Every day, there’s someone that I’d like to give a blowjob to, or make out with, or have them fuck me. But Adam always stops me. Because I love him.
Edit Note (05-06-03): After what’s been going on the last couple months I feel as though some things should be clarified in this posting. What I felt for Andrew back then wasn’t just a sexual feeling, although that’s what I said in my post. Sometimes I word things in ways that if someone that shouldn’t see it, does see it, they won’t take as much offense as if I had said what I was actually wanting to say. So I re-word them, so that when I go back and read it, I know what happened for real, but no one else does. Anyways, the feelings for Andrew were far greater. And today they have blossomed into a now week long relationship. I know that sounds like such a short time comparitivly, but hey, we’ve made it through one strong week, and hopefully MANY MANY more to come.