Lyrics

[Alanis Morissette, “You Owe Me Nothing In Return”]

I’ll give you careless amounts of out right
Acceptance if you want it. I’ll give you
Encouragement to choose the path you want if you need it.

You can speak of anger and doubts,
Your fears and freak-outs and I’ll hold it.
You can share your so-called
Shamefilled accounts of times in your life and I won’t judge it.

And there are no strings attached,
You owe me nothing for giving the love that I give.
You owe me nothing for caring the way that I have.
I give you thanks for receiving, it’s my privilege,
And you owe me nothing in return.

You can ask for space for yourself
And only yourself and I’ll grant it.
You can ask for freedom as was
Or time to revel and you’ll have it.

You can ask to live by yourself
Or love someone else and I’ll support it.
You can ask for anything you want
Anything at all and I’ll understand it.

I bet you’re wondering when
The next payback you’ll eventually drop.
I bet you’re wondering when my conditions or policies will force you to cough up.
I bet you’re wondering how far you now have danced moved back into dead.

This is the only kind of love
As I understand it that there really is.
You can express your deepest of thruths
Even if it means I’ll lose you and I’ll hear it.

You can fall into the abyss
On the way to your bliss
And I’ll empathize with.
You can’t say that you’ll have to skip town
To chase your passion and I’ll hear it.
You can leave and hit rock bottom have a mid-life chrisis and I’ll hold it.

An Update For You…

This is for Queenie McILikeToAnnoyTopherUntilHeUpdatesAndOfferToTakeHimToDinnerPlusDesertPlusALittleSomething
ExtraThatIWon’tTellHimWhAtThatExtraThingIsAndIDoubtThatI’llGetMyFoodFromThisUpadte!

Well here’s what I’ve been doing lately….

Monday I got up early to register for classes. I got a REALLY easy schedule this upcoming semester. Only 12 credits. I didn’t get into two of the classes that I REALLY wanted to get into (ExSp 166, Weight Lifting; MGMT 414, International Managment) so I had to do some last minute mixing of things. But I’ve got a good schedule…

MIS 435 MW 3:40 – 4:55
Poli Sci 251 TR 9:30 – 10:45
TRLOG 360 TR 12:40 – 1:55
MGMT 370 TR 3:40 – 4:55


Should be a fairly easy schedule. Plus I’ll have time to work out and get all buff and shit in the mornings, and tons of time to work, which means LOTS of money!

Other then that not much going on. Yesterday I worked alot. I got Sept ’01 up and in the archives. Also thanks to JULIAN (WE LOVE YOU), I have the archives so that they’re oldest on top, whereas the main page is newest on top. It just makes it easier to read that way.

I’ve also set up my website localy on my machine so that I can play with it and not worry about those private entries get out… I’m trying to fix a hack that I did back when I started using b2. Back then they didn’t have a private feature, where now they have added such a thing in the newest versions. So I downloaded the new version. Anyways, long story short. I’m working on getting it so that I can at least edit the old entries (Because with the hack, once they were off the front page, if I wanted to update them I had to go to the database and do it with INSERT statements, which can get to be a pain in the ASS)

So what else has been up… Today’s been REALLY fucking nice. It was 87 out, for our high. I hate the spring semester because as the semster goes on, it gets nicer out, and you’re wanting to attend classes gets lower. Making it HARDER to actually go to classes. I REALLY wanted to skip my last class of the day, but I didn’t.

I did however after wards go out and ride my bike for 45 minutes and then go tanning for a while. I’m going to start tanning T and R so that way I look somewhat hot, even though I’m still to fat to go to the beach without a shirt on! Hopefully by the end of summer, I’ll be hot as hell!

Speaking of summer. I’m also taking 6 credits this summer, PHIL 230 or TRLOG 360 first 4 weeks from 12-2, and then MIS 433 the second 4 weeks from 9-11 or something. The plan is to get up, workout, go to class and then work until 5 or 6.

I’ve also planned for time off from 7/12 – 7/20 off. I’d like to go either to the Canyon again, of the the Black Hills. Perhaps somewhere else. Either way, I’m going to spend a week camping sometime this summer, even if no one else wants to come with me!

I have a test tomorrow, so I must study for it, then two tests next Tuesday, and a test next Wed.

Off I go, hope you enjoyed the update!

Adam Being STUPID!

15:09:01 AcerSai: You there?

15:09:01 pischkoa: I’m currently in the office but I am busy. Talk to you laters.

15:10:03 AcerSai: GUess not…

15:13:56 AcerSai: Well at any rate I’d like to talk to you for at least a little bit.

15:14:13 AcerSai: If you want to talk to me, IM me or call me. I’d really appreciate it.

15:14:13 pischkoa: I’m currently in the office but I am busy. Talk to you laters.

15:14:20 AcerSai: If not I I’ll understand.

15:14:27 AcerSai: Or do my best to anyway.

16:10:01 AcerSai: Please respond so I know you don’t hate me…

16:10:01 pischkoa: I’m currently in the office but I am busy. Talk to you laters.

16:10:25 AcerSai: PLease…

16:12:10 AcerSai: I’m really scared right now Chris. I need to know you’re there. I need to know you care.

The Aftermath

So Friday after it happen, I called Adam cause he just signed off with “I HATE YOU.” We talked forever, and it was bad, he cried, he yelled. I was fine. I’ve delt with it already, before it happened, so that’s why I’m so fine. He had to go to work though, so he left. I stayed here and watched TV until about 7. Andrew called sometime in there and told me that Adam had left him a really nasty message. We talked for a bit about it.

I went home about 7ish, and hung out there watching TV. Adam called again about 8:30ish or so, and we talked forever again. More crying, more everything. Again bad times. I don’t really know what to say to him cause I mean, I don’t think that I’m really the person that he should be talking to about it. I’ve done everything that I can to help him out with it. There’s only so much I and Andrew can do. He really needs to talk to someone else. Hopefully once his mom gets home tonight, and once school starts again he’ll get better.

After that I just stayed up tell about midnight and watched tv some more. I talked to Andrew a few times throughout the night as well.

Saturday morning I got up and Adam called, he wanted to come over and talk, so I let him. I really didn’t want to cause I knew he was just going to cry and say more of the same stuff that he had said the night before. I also knew that he was going to grill me some more on my relationship with Andrew and how far it’s gone.

And he did.

He stayed for about an hour, I didn’t think he’d EVER leave that was probably the LONGEST hour in my life! He talked and talked and talked and the whole time all I could think was. I just wish that he’d leave and get over it. There’s nothing that I can do!

He left and I hung out some more waiting for Andrew to call so we could do stuff. My phone FINALLY rang, but it wasn’t Andrew, it was Adam. He wanted me to come over, saying that he was WAY better then he had been. So I reluctantly went over there.

We hung out and thankfully I kept myself busy with his new Emac. Andrew called and came over after that. We scanned in a hot boi pic and then went to target where we shopped until about 5. After that we split up, Andrew and I off to do what we were going to do and Adam off to wait for Scott so they could do stuff.

Andrew and I did a TON of stuff and I had the most fun I’ve had in a LONG LONG time. It was so nice to just hang out, him and me. We became much closer last night I think. We went to MHM first and shopped and walked around.

Off topic real quick, on Friday Andrew said that he had had a REALLY bad day. Saturday he wouldn’t tell me, but I drug it out of him. His family is moving back to NJ in August. August 1 actually. I’m WAY more upset about that then I am about breaking up with Adam, and he’s clearly VERY upset too. Because when they do move back to NJ that means that he won’t be coming back here for Christmas, or the summer, so very very saddening. It does however add a more urgent feeling to what I want between us, that I’d like to try a relationship with him.

Anyways, after MHM we went to Perkins where EVERYONE was so rude and HORRIBLE and we hated everyone there. Our waiter was soooooo stupid. It was horrilbe.

After that we went to his house, got some movies, talked some and looked through his room and stuff. Good times. From there back to my house to watch the movie, it was sooooo funny. Although not a movie I’d want to sit through again. After the movie we sat, talked, wrestled, and watched the Proud Family and Sister, Sister. Our new Saturday night ritual.

I drove him back to Adam’s about 12:30 or so.

This morning Adam called me, about 8:30 crying again. He grilled me about what happened with Andrew last night. Did he spend the night? Did we kiss goodnight? Did we do anything? What’d we do all night? What time did he go home?

It was like 20 minutes of questions. I was like. GET OVER IT, you have NO control over me now, stop it. I can do what I want, you don’t own this ass anymore.

Speaking of that, cause as I was writing it was saying it in my head in a ghetto vioce. I was ghetto this weekend and it was SOOOO funny. And when we were going to Andrew’s house, I was lost and we saw this sign that said “We <3 our children.” And I was going like 40 miles an hour and doing random Uie’s. So great! I really had the best time, I so enjoy hanging out with Andrew now.

Anyways, he finally let me go cause Andrew called him. I guess he went and talked to Andrew for like an hour. I called him (Andrew) about 10:45 or so to tell him what the plans were for the day, he was STILL on the phone with Adam, but got off to come talk to me. (Well actually Adam had said that he was going to let Andrew go). Apparently when Andrew told Adam that I was on the other phone, he started crying more. Eh. Anyways I told Andrew what the plans were and then hung up. Like 20 mintes after that, Adam called me AGAIN! And he was like “Sorry I keep calling you blah blah blah.” I just wanted to be like, SHUT UP SHUT UP SHUT UP!!!

He finally hung up like 30 minutes later. Andrew showed up at my house about 12ish so that we had some time to talk before Beak got there. She got there about 12:30 and we were all off to have lunch. It was tons of fun. Went to I-Hop and I paid for Andrew’s lunch cause he was bitching that he had “PAID” for supper the night before. (I GAVE HIM THE $5 THAT MY MEAL COST)!!

From there it was off to VWM. Good times there like always. I had a TON of fun today!

And then back to my house were we all sat on my bed, talking about everything that had happened. More good times even though we were talking about depressing shit. We really didn’t spend much time on that subject though. We talked about alot of RANDOM things.

There was so much sexual tension between Andrew and I though. We wrestled some more, and there were so many times where he was on top of me, or I was on top of him and I just wanted to reach up (or down as the case my be) and kiss him, and tell him that he’s helped me so much through all of this and if it hadn’t been for him I wouldn’t have gotten out of this relationship that was just strangling me. I wanted so bad to tell him how much he means to me, and how sorry I am that I’ve put him in such a bad spot. Especially since I know that everyone’s first reaction so far, and is going to be, that it was him that broke us up. And it wasn’t. I wanted to tell him how sorry I am that he has to lie to Adam for me, and that he has to put up with Adam calling him so much.

As we left we went out side and I hugged Beak bye, and then I hugged Andrew by. I didn’t want to let go of him tonight because he’s helped me so much. The hug broke, and then I hugged him again for his PU’s being assholes. Then we realized Beak was still there making funny faces, so we made fun of her, and she left. Then he said something about not seeing us for 2 weeks, and I hugged him again. I’m going to really miss him over the next two weeks. I really am.

I also don’t know what the HELL I’m going to do next weekend, or the weekend after that. I mean, I don’t want to hang out with Adam by myself because I know that he’s just going to cry and everything. Adam still wants to have sleep overs, me and him, and, me, him and Andrew. We all know that’s NOT at all a good idea. You just don’t do that.

Anyways, even with all the drama, I had a TON of fun this weekend. Thank you Andrew, Thank you Beak… But mostly. THANK YOU ANDREW. I don’t know what I’d do without you there.

With Love,

Cj B

Privateness

All posts over the next couple weeks will most likly be private. Unless I come across something that’s amusing, such as the “english solid volume measuring system.”

If you’d really like to know what’s going on in my life, IM me, come ask me, phone me, or e-mail me.

With Love,
Cj B