One Thing I Miss

Ok, so I’ve figured out what the only thing so far I miss about being with Adam, is that I could have sex (as in SEX) whenever I wanted it. Not that that’s a big deal, but I’ve been horny for that the last couple days. And once I get into meds, my sex drive will plummet. As if it hasn’t already, I mean. I’ve had a sex drive, but not a very good one really. I’ll gladly make Andrew cum, but usually by the time it gets to me, I’m not in the mood to do it, well actually, I’m usually not in the mood the whole time (For making myself cum that is, I’m always in the mood for making other people cum, well as long as I’m not too tired!)

Anyways, after the fiasco today with LJ, I again am reassured that breaking it off with him was the right thing to do. And now I just want to leave a message on his LJ telling everyone what a manipulative bitch he is. Grrrr.

On to better things now…

I didn’t think that Andrew had left me a private entry before he left, but last night I went there too read some of his old ones again, and I found an entry there from him that said:

Here’s your update
I will miss you tons and will be thinking about you every day!!!!!!!!!!
*HUGE ASS HUGS AND KISSES!*
I MISS YOU ALREADY!!! 🙂

I started crying…. I’ve been way to emotional lately. But it was really sweet. And I hope that he is thinking about me every day, because I know that I’m thinking about him everyday. And hopefully he’s not just like “Oh, Chris” at just one point of the day. Eh, whatever. Just so I don’t sound like too much of a crazy obsessive I’m going to stop here.

Although I am really really going to miss him once he moves to college. And I’m scared about where things are going with us when that happens. But I guess the best way to find out is to wait and see what happens in August.

I miss you Drew Bear!

The LJ Fiasco (By ADAM)

Funny story…

I come home from work tonight and go to my Livejournal to go to my friends page, and checks everyones journals. I get to my journal not to find the white, with black boxes that normally greet me…nope…I found some other random style, and everything is yellow and black. Interesting.

The only way to change those are to log in to my account and go into the settings and change it. For the record, I definately did not do that.

There are TWO people in this world that know my password. Me and ONE other person. And I’d *really* like to think he has at least one iota of respect and maturity in his body, enough to tell him, “This is a bad idea, ass.”

Clearly he doesn’t. I later read on his (non-Live) journal that he today got a livejournal account. Ironic co-incidence. While creating your own, decided to fuck with mine in the process? Nice.

For the record I’ve changed my password so this sort of “incident” doesn’t happen again. I hope to god my layout is ALL you changed or messed with…and you havn’t jumped into Fuckfaceland FULLY with both feet.

Now being who I am, I’ll give him the benifet of the doubt. If I am COMEPLETELY off base here, and some random crazy hacked my journal, and you know who has NOTHING to do with it, I’m sorry for jumping to conclusions. But if I’m right on, and he did, well then…you’re an uber ass…and I can’t believe you’d do that.

*Also, this is NOT to cause a flame war via my live journal…no one leave nasty comments, please. If you have something to say, you know how to contact me in other ways.*

Better Days

So things are getting better. I’ve been keeping myself very busy today. I got up about 8, and showered, then did hw tell 9, went and tanned. After that rode my bike to campus, and lounged around on tanning and reading. At noon I went to class and then biked to work.

Work from 2:30 tell 7, from there to Sam’s to get food. I now have food in my house, and it’s mostly healthy. The only thing that I got that wasn’t was some breadsticks…. So yummy though!

After that, I sat around and watched the end of “JAG” whilst I ate supper, then I went and walked/ran for an hour. That takes us up tell 9, when I came home and watched Will And Grace. Now here I am updating and watching the news. Good times.

I’ve created myself a LJ account, and started a friends list. So that’ll cut down on some of the links on the side. That’ll all be changed with the updates. I have a lot of neat things coming up and some more planned.

First thing is the moods. I’ve added a cool little thing for moods, much like LJ/Deadjournal/etc.

Second is music. I’ve added a thing for music, again much like LJ/Deadjournal/etc.

Third is private entries. For those with passwords to read my private entries, instead of loggin in and going to the backend of b2, they now log in which will take them back to the front page and will be able to see the private entries there, mixed in with the regular entries. They will then also be able to see/search/etc the archived private entries. This will also allow me to keep private entires that are now public entries marked as originally private.

Fourth is a new search. The current search is very primative, and therefore returns ANYTHING with any search word in the post. The new one will take a boolean approach. It will also be less processor intensive, as the current one searchs the entire database each time there’s a search (Now all 960 some entries). The new one will search a seperate database which essentially has a list of words, and all the posts that they are contained in. If you use an “AND” boolean, ie “Mandrake AND Linux”. It will find MANDRAKE in the database and then find LINUX in the database and return entries which appear in BOTH those lists… It will also highlight keywords. And to keep from returning entries with common words, it doesn’t index those (Much like google.com doesn’t include ‘the’, ‘and’ etc in it’s returns)

The only thing left to implement is the people popups, which is in the current live version, but I have yet to implement that code into the development version. After that code is in, I have to figure out all the database changes that have to be made to the live database, and carefully do those changeovers. Very exciting stuff going on here…

But again, I have YET to get to that damn visual thing. Perhaps tomorrow whilst at work, or Friday/Saturday when I’m sitting around my house doing absolutely nothing.

I have a doc appointment Thursday at 7:45. Hopefully they’ll give me Paxil. If not, I’ll complain and ask for it. I have an appointment with Barloon in late June, the first time she had availiable.

It’s 11:20 out there, what are you doing?

The “L” Word and Sex

So this is going to be a quick private update…

For some reason I think that you should be comfortable saying, and meaning, the “L” word before having any form of anal sex. I mean, hello! That’s one big thing to be giving up, how can you do it with someone that you don’t feel enough for to be able to say the “L” word.

Anyways… Now that that’s off my chest.

I miss my drew bear!

Uber Depression

Is hitting hard now. Haven’t had the energy to really do anything all day. I was up all night thinking and being stupid.

Today family was over, I hated that. Although the highlight of the day was when Steven took his shirt off… UBER FUCKING HOT! Rarr at him. Although he brough some girl over today. It made me want to bring my boy over. Too bad he’s in the middle of the ocean.

I keep going through this state of hating Andrew right now, mostly because he’s getting to do something that I’ve always wanted to do, and never got the chance too. Yeah, I know I’ve done a lot in my life in the way of traveling. But I have always wanted to go on a cruise, now he is. It wasn’t bad untell I found out that the PU’s canceled the plans to Alaska. Fuckers. I’m still steaming about that. I will go on a trip this summer, with or without other people. And it’ll be the trip of a lifetime.

Anyways, family was over. Didn’t say hardly anything to any of them. I just don’t know what to say to them. They’re all fat farmers with big asses and bad hair/clothes/etc. Boy kept asking me if I had a Girlfriend. I just kept saying “No.” He does that at every fucking family event. So very annoying.

Depression sucks, and I’m going to get something for it. I really will! I just have to get up the ambition to actually call the place and make an appointment.

Must go do HW now, but I know I’ll just end up sitting in front of the TV.