A Chat With Mother

So last night my mother called me asking about a time that would be good for a family photo.

During the conversation she brought up that I might be moving like right after graduation. I told her I’d be here for like a month after graduation at the least. She said that I should let her know if I needed any help moving and she’d take time off work. I then asked her… “If I pay for gas, would you drive me and my stuff out there.” She said we could “Work something out.”

She then went on to say that we might just sell all my stuff now and buy me all new shit once I got there, depending on how much it’ll cost to move all the shit. She also said that we can pull a trailor with her truck, which should be a ton cheaper then renting a real truck thing to do it. So I have to call today and check that out.

But the selling/buying idea seems the best to me. I mean all the shit that i REALLY need can fit into my car… IE, Computers/Clothes. Everything else that I have will fit in around it. (Pictures, books, etc) and the rest isn’t nessecary stuff. (Couch, bed, etc.)

Though Andrew said that he’d take the couch if I didn’t want it. So we’ll have to see about getting it out there and whatnot.

Also more plans on the whole moving thing. Last night Andrew called me and said that Byron might/does need a roomie. IT’s a two bedroom and there’d be three of us sharing, I’d have a single room. I guess Byron’s seen it and it’s nice. So I’m seriously contemplating that. Though I don’t know how well I’d enjoy living with roomies after living by myself for a year. But it’s a really good idea because it’d give me more then enough time to get my feet on the ground. And if things work out, and I move there in June, I’d still have like the 2 months free rent with living with Andrew.

So this is a really positive looking thing. I’m going to meet Byron and check out the place next week while I’m there. Hopefully I’ll have final decisions by the end of April. I guess I’ll have to have them by then… Eh.

So everything there is looking up. And I can’t wait to get out there next week.

I just set up my interview for Tuesday at 11, so that’s sweet action.

And it’s currently 85 there… Woot! I can’t wait.

Laters all.

Moved Server

Well sorry people about the site not working…

Apparently host4students moved servers and didn’t copy databases over. What fucking retards!

And they didn’t even TELL us this. How annoying.

WEll anyways, things are back up and working.

I also find this extremely scary: Neighbor Search Find out what your neighbors have donated to the Pres camps.

Laters all.

Drunk Man

Well this weekend has been pretty good really. I haven’t done anything which is sad, because I really wanted to go out with Justin or do something at least.

Friday night I just stayed at home and talked to Andrew. We had a good chat, and he said some things that made me feel really special. That night was a good night to talk to him and I think we got things cleared up for good this time.

Saturday I got up, and changed my oil. I noticed that the tranny was oily and that seemed wrong to me. So I took it into the Saturn Dealer and they looked at it real quick. They said that it was leaking, but it’s nothing to worry about yet, because they can’t just fix the leak. They’d have to replace the whole thing which is about $300. So they said to wait tell I have to start filling the tranny with oil and then bring it in to have it fixed. So I’m going to have to keep checking the tranny fliud level now.

I came home after that and just spent the rest of the day laying around the house and doing nothing.

Saturday night Justin still didn’t want to do anything, which I’m a bit sad about. So I went to JJ’s. I was sitting there studying trying to figure out what I need to do for my MGMT class project and some crazy drunk guy came up to me and asked for some paper.

I gave it to him, then he sat down and started talking to me. He sat there talking to me for like an hour, and drew a picture of me. It was really crazy and he was so drunk. Though the pic did turn out pretty good. So that’s interesting.

Went to the porn store after that, and then to wal-Mart where there was a really hot boy. Well the story here is that Wal-Mart has a better selection of Condoms then the porn store does.

Went home and went to bed.

Today I got up about 10ish and ordered grad invitations. Came back to Ames, and unpacked stuff. Now I’m trying to do hw, but not doing too good.

It’s amazing that it’s been a year since the breakup… I was kinda hoping to run into Adam last night, but who knows if he still ever goes to JJ’s. It’d be interesting to sit and talk to him for a while and see how his lifes going… Since he never seems to elaborate on his LJ.

Well, laters all.

Things Are Bad Again

So things are bad again.

This morning he was snappy to me, and I guess I was snappy to him, and we got into it again.

This just really needs to end. One year ago, I was preparing for a breakup. I don’t want to go through that again this year.

He’s still really mad at me about the whole, “Fuck you” thing, which is understandable. But I think that he’s being a bit too sensitive about it. I don’t know what he expected me to do. I said I was sorry, and being 1,000 miles away doesn’t make it easy to go show him that I am.

If I had been closer, I would have gone there, hugged him. Kissed him. Maybe made him dinner, take him out, do something nice like that. But being 1,000 miles away about the only thing that I can do is send him flowers, or just call and say “I’m sorry.” Which I did.

I was just going to let him get over it himself, and try and show to him that I really was sorry by having good converstaions with him, and just talking to him. But we haven’t been able to do that yet.

And you know, I really don’t see how he can expect much of anything yet, because we just made up late last night and he’s already super pissed at me for not doing anything.

I did look into sending him flowers yesterday, but everyplace that dilivers that I called required a HUGE minimum order. And I’m sorry to say, but when it comes down to paying bills or sending my bf flowers, but bills win out. I guess if that’s being selfish and not showing that I care enough. I’m guilty as charged.

I just can’t wait tell I’m there next week. In 7 days and a few hours I will be pulling into Chapman Univ’s parking, and we’ll hopefully still be on speaking terms and I CAN do something to show him how much I care and how much I love him. But untill then, he’s going to have to settle for phone; “I’m sorry”‘s.

I really am sorry that I said that to him, and I just wish things could be alright again. It’s really depressing me to be in fights with him constantly, I was really hoping that this week before I came out there could be a really happy/good week.

Laters All.

This Is Getting OLD!

(10:22:24) SqUaLL0112: you CAN IM me first you know
(10:23:35) pischkoa: Sorry, but I’m not always here watching for when you get here.
(10:23:48) SqUaLL0112: you could leave me a message
(10:23:55) pischkoa: I did leave you a message last night
(10:23:58) SqUaLL0112: like ou did everyday last semester
(10:24:00) pischkoa: And you didn’t respond to it.
(10:24:00) SqUaLL0112: what did it say?
(10:24:05) pischkoa: Have a good night
(10:24:19) SqUaLL0112: i d ont think i saw it
(10:24:24) pischkoa: Well I left one.
(10:24:28) SqUaLL0112: when i came home my comp was off cause theplug fell out and i didnt know it
(10:24:32) SqUaLL0112: well it still wasnt this morning
(10:24:32) pischkoa: Oh
(10:24:40) pischkoa: Well I’ll try harder
(10:24:45) SqUaLL0112: thanks honey
(10:24:47) SqUaLL0112: whats up?
(10:24:54) pischkoa: You know that job I applied to at CKE, and the guy put me on hold for like 10 minutes
(10:25:22) SqUaLL0112: yeah
(10:25:34) pischkoa: Well the SAME job is up for the THIRD time on Careerbuilder.com
(10:25:43) pischkoa: Why the hell doesn’t he just HIRE ME!
(10:26:05) pischkoa: You think I should apply again?
(10:26:08) SqUaLL0112: yeah wy not
(10:26:12) SqUaLL0112: and call again
(10:26:13) SqUaLL0112: and bitch
(10:26:15) pischkoa: lol
(10:26:36) pischkoa: So what’s up with you?
(10:26:37) SqUaLL0112: other guy call back yet?
(10:26:40) pischkoa: Nope
(10:26:44) SqUaLL0112: nothing honey i just woke up
(10:26:54) pischkoa: Yeah, well you did stuff LAST night after we talked.
(10:27:09) SqUaLL0112: well whas up with you indicated whats up right now
(10:27:13) SqUaLL0112: you didnt ask me what i did last night
(10:27:22) pischkoa: Well don’t be picky about wording.
(10:27:32) pischkoa: You know what I mean
(10:27:44) SqUaLL0112: well you KNOW im picky about wording
(10:27:46) SqUaLL0112: i alwyas have been
(10:27:48) SqUaLL0112: anyways
(10:27:54) SqUaLL0112: i went midnight bowling
(10:28:01) pischkoa: Oh you did? Was everyone drunk?
(10:28:07) pischkoa: Did you ahve fun?
(10:29:11) SqUaLL0112: yes i did
(10:29:14) SqUaLL0112: i bowled wth my old ra
(10:29:24) SqUaLL0112: it was only 2 bucks
(10:29:42) pischkoa: Oh, well that’s fun. I like how you avioded the first question.
(10:30:00) SqUaLL0112: i didnt avoi dit
(10:30:05) SqUaLL0112: a few people were drunk not everyone
(10:30:11) SqUaLL0112: why? did you think i was drinking??
(10:30:27) pischkoa: No, I ASKED because you said the people you were going with we’re going to have some fun before going.
(10:30:50) SqUaLL0112: well they did.. its nat and lisa, i didnt expect anything different
(10:31:08) pischkoa: Alright
(10:31:16) SqUaLL0112: alright?
(10:31:35) pischkoa: You’re being a little snappy this morning.
(10:31:36) SqUaLL0112: hows work?
(10:31:44) SqUaLL0112: of course i am
(10:31:52) pischkoa: What’s that mean?
(10:31:59) pischkoa: Did I do something wrong?
(10:32:02) SqUaLL0112: no
(10:32:16) SqUaLL0112: it menas you ALWAYS think im snapping/beingmean/being rude/being whatever
(10:32:21) SqUaLL0112: brb bathroom
(10:32:24) pischkoa: I do not
(10:38:43) SqUaLL0112: what have i said that was snappy?
(10:39:15) pischkoa: (10:26:44) SqUaLL0112: nothing honey i just woke up(10:26:54) pischkoa: Yeah, well you did stuff LAST night after we talked.(10:27:09) SqUaLL0112: well whas up with you indicated whats up right now(10:27:13) SqUaLL0112: you didnt ask me what i did last night
(10:39:25) pischkoa: (10:27:44) SqUaLL0112: well you KNOW im picky about wording(10:27:46) SqUaLL0112: i alwyas have been(10:27:48) SqUaLL0112: anyways(10:27:54) SqUaLL0112: i went midnight bowling
(10:39:37) pischkoa: (10:30:50) SqUaLL0112: well they did.. its nat and lisa, i didnt expect anything different
(10:39:59) pischkoa: 10:22:24) SqUaLL0112: you CAN IM me first you know
(10:40:10) pischkoa: Good morning to you too.
(10:40:19) SqUaLL0112: just stop it
(10:40:26) pischkoa: I’m not doing anything!
(10:40:37) SqUaLL0112: the majority of those things i was just saying, i wasnt ‘snapping’ i was just telling you
(10:40:43) SqUaLL0112: and the IM me first comment was a joke
(10:40:49) SqUaLL0112: which i indicated with the stupid face thing
(10:40:57) SqUaLL0112: you know im starting to think we should never talk online b/c this is always what happens
(10:41:07) pischkoa: It is not what always happens.
(10:41:24) SqUaLL0112: well you completely took everything is aid in the wrong way this morning
(10:41:35) pischkoa: And you take everything I say in the wrong way too.
(10:41:45) SqUaLL0112: i didnt say it wasnt both our faults
(10:41:57) pischkoa: well you completely took everything is aid in the wrong way this morning
(10:42:04) pischkoa: That didn’t leave much room for it to be your fualt.
(10:42:05) SqUaLL0112: how?
(10:42:14) SqUaLL0112: oh nevermind i see waht youare saying
(10:42:31) pischkoa: Is that sarcasm or truthful?
(10:43:35) SqUaLL0112: i didnt get at first what you meant
(10:43:45) SqUaLL0112: i thought you were saying that i took everything the wrong way this morning and thats why i said how
(10:44:07) pischkoa: Anyways, this is stupid.
(10:44:37) SqUaLL0112: i agree
(10:44:39) pischkoa: But I never indicated that I thought you were drinking, and I think it’s obvious that when I ask you “What’s up” when you first get out of bed, it’s indicating that you should explain what you did last night.
(10:45:07) SqUaLL0112: but why not just say ‘what did you do last night’
(10:45:15) SqUaLL0112: whats up means just that, whats up now
(10:45:39) pischkoa: Does it really matter?!?!
(10:45:57) SqUaLL0112: it matters b/c if you ask me wahts up im going to respond differently than if you say what did you do last night!!!
(10:46:02) SqUaLL0112: thats the only point im trying to make
(10:46:28) pischkoa: And the point I’m making is it doesn’t matter!
(10:46:48) SqUaLL0112: ok but when you say whats up how am i supposed to know that means tell me about your night
(10:47:03) pischkoa: because you JUST GOT OUT OF BED!
(10:47:22) SqUaLL0112: EXACTLY
(10:47:29) pischkoa: nevermind.
(10:47:37) SqUaLL0112: thats why i said all of this
(10:47:46) pischkoa: I’ll just fucking treat you like a senator and state everything in 10000 words when it’ll just take 1
(10:48:04) SqUaLL0112: why are you gettign so defensive?
(10:48:21) pischkoa: I’m not getting defensive, I’m just sick of this.
(10:48:26) pischkoa: This is stupid.
(10:48:34) pischkoa: And I just want to have a good converstaion with you for once
(10:48:41) SqUaLL0112: you already stated that and i agreed and then you didnt drop it
(10:48:53) pischkoa: Fine, I’m dropping it.
(10:48:55) pischkoa: move on
(10:49:09) SqUaLL0112: ok
(10:49:26) SqUaLL0112: well im off to class, im glad we got a chance to talk this morning
(10:49:32) pischkoa: Stop it!
(10:49:39) SqUaLL0112: im being serious
(10:49:54) pischkoa: Alright, well have fun in class.
(10:49:57) pischkoa: I’ll talk to you later
(10:50:23) SqUaLL0112: im very frustrated right now just FYI
(10:50:28) pischkoa: WHY?
(10:50:35) SqUaLL0112: b/c i just am, this whole thing
(10:50:40) pischkoa: And I’m not?!
(10:50:44) SqUaLL0112: i never said that
(10:51:22) SqUaLL0112: everything i said this morning was in jest and you completely blew it up and said i was bieng snappy
(10:51:37) pischkoa: I didn’t blow ANYTHING up
(10:51:37) SqUaLL0112: but i dont have time, i have to go to class
(10:51:46) SqUaLL0112: well i guess we can debate it later
(10:51:52) pischkoa: fine
(10:51:58) pischkoa: Have fun in class.
(10:52:02) SqUaLL0112: dont ‘fine’ me
(10:52:05) SqUaLL0112: you have fun at work
(10:52:13) pischkoa: I’m going to have a GREAT time at work now.
(10:52:20) SqUaLL0112: stop being so sarcastice
(10:52:24) pischkoa: You!
(10:52:29) SqUaLL0112: im NOT
(10:52:39) SqUaLL0112: im going to be later
(10:52:41) SqUaLL0112: we can fight later
(10:52:46) SqUaLL0112: have a good day, goodbye
(10:52:53) pischkoa: goodbye to you

———

I’m getting really sick of being made out to be the bad guy in EVERYTHING here. If he wasn’t being snappy this morning then I don’t know what the hell being snappy is. Getting on me because I asked him “What’s up” which I do EVERY FUCKING MORNING and then saying that he’s always been picky about wording. Excuse me?

And saying, “You CAN im me first.” Well excuse me, but you could also leave me messages when I’m not here, like over night and the like…. Oh because I never do that for you ever.

And then saying, “Why did you think I was drunk” that really indicates to me that he WAS drunk, and is hiding it from me. And the only reason that I asked if people were drunk was last night he bitched about how the people he was going with were going to get drunk before going. So obviosuly the question to ask was, “Were people drunk.” referring to when he BITCHED last night about people getting drunk there.

I’m really begining to wonder if he’s doing that thing again where he TRYS to get mad at me, so that he won’t feel bad about breaking up with me. IS that what’s going on? Cause if it is, then we need to talk and just end it now. If not, then we need to talk and find out why, ever since I got back from the trip, every time we’ve talked has been a fight.

Because this is getting really old and I don’t know how long I can go on with it.

I’ll be in my office tell 6 tonight (except for 12-1 when I have class). You can call me here.