So things are bad again.
This morning he was snappy to me, and I guess I was snappy to him, and we got into it again.
This just really needs to end. One year ago, I was preparing for a breakup. I don’t want to go through that again this year.
He’s still really mad at me about the whole, “Fuck you” thing, which is understandable. But I think that he’s being a bit too sensitive about it. I don’t know what he expected me to do. I said I was sorry, and being 1,000 miles away doesn’t make it easy to go show him that I am.
If I had been closer, I would have gone there, hugged him. Kissed him. Maybe made him dinner, take him out, do something nice like that. But being 1,000 miles away about the only thing that I can do is send him flowers, or just call and say “I’m sorry.” Which I did.
I was just going to let him get over it himself, and try and show to him that I really was sorry by having good converstaions with him, and just talking to him. But we haven’t been able to do that yet.
And you know, I really don’t see how he can expect much of anything yet, because we just made up late last night and he’s already super pissed at me for not doing anything.
I did look into sending him flowers yesterday, but everyplace that dilivers that I called required a HUGE minimum order. And I’m sorry to say, but when it comes down to paying bills or sending my bf flowers, but bills win out. I guess if that’s being selfish and not showing that I care enough. I’m guilty as charged.
I just can’t wait tell I’m there next week. In 7 days and a few hours I will be pulling into Chapman Univ’s parking, and we’ll hopefully still be on speaking terms and I CAN do something to show him how much I care and how much I love him. But untill then, he’s going to have to settle for phone; “I’m sorry”‘s.
I really am sorry that I said that to him, and I just wish things could be alright again. It’s really depressing me to be in fights with him constantly, I was really hoping that this week before I came out there could be a really happy/good week.