Category: Not Published

Condom Stash

Yesterday was yet another wonderfull day spent with Andrew…

He got there early and was obviously Über horny. He got there and we sat around for a bit and he ate soemthing real quick…

It didn’t take long to move into the bed room, and then the shower, and then the bedroom again. It was very nice to get to do stuff with him again, though I would have enjoyed the time just as much had we just laid around on the couch talking. lol.

The shower was much more coordinated this time then it was last, so that was good… He got a good rimmie, at least I hope it was good…

I also tried to finger again, but apparently Mr. Ass didn’t want to give up access yesterday, so I just did it alittle bit. But he says it was good, and that I’m gental with it, so that’s nice. I try to be as nice as possible with him, I know that it can hurt. And hurt a lot if it’s done wrong.

After that was done we went out and did all the stuff on the other entry, it was really great to teach him how to drive a stick and everything else we did.

Laying in bed that night was really great, and I didn’t want him to leave.

He said that he “wanted seconds” but then we were doing things and Enfuego just went and hid, I felt bad about that and tried to get him to come out again… Though he just didn’t want to. It kind of bothered me, but I’m sure it was no big deal.

At one point I said that I had a condom stash. We talked about that a bit, and he said that he did want to share what we had again. But I feel as though I may have pushed it a bit, and I don’t want to do that with him. I want him to do it again when he’s comfortable, and if that’s not in the time that he has left here, then that’s fine. I don’t like to be pushed/guilted into things, and I don’t want to do it to other people.

He also made me promise that I would talk to Joel before the summers up. I don’t know how well that’s going to go. I really hate the fact that I’m so shy when it comes to those types of things. Perhaps next Wed we can all go out to Lunch or something, eh?

Umm.. Other things to talk about….

There were a few hints throughout the day about the future of our relationship, though nothing really substantial. I dunno if they were meant or not (As in meant to be hints), but I’d like it if they were. I don’t know when the best time to talk about that would be. Either before we leave for the whole trip, or there. But it’s going to have to be discussed sometime.

Speaking of the trip, it’s coming together nicely finally. Though I am still very annoyed that I can’t fly with them out there, it’s good that I’m at least getting to go yet. I’m really hoping that she doesn’t get some really expensive hotel!

� � Days Inn � � � � � �279 S. Main, Orange �� � � � �(714) 771-6704

� � Motel 6 � � � � � � 2920 W. Chapman, Orange � � � (714) 634-2441

� � Best Value 3101 W. Chapman, Orange � � � (714) 978-7700

� � Travel Lodge � � 1302 W. Chapman, Orange � � � �(714) 633-7720

Those appear to be the closest to Chapman, though I’m sure Sue can’t stand to stay in such low-class hotels. And I guess they also offer discounted rates to families of students from Chapman University.

Oh, last thing I wanted to talk about was we were talking about him offering up his ass… And he asked me, “If I offered it, would you take it.” And I said that I didn’t know if I would or not. I mean, that’s a REALLY big thing, I know that being a bottom the first time means so much, and for me to take that, that’s a really big emotional thing for me as well. I spent a lot of time thinking about that all last night, and I think that … If things keep going the way they have in our relationship and we stay as close and as happy as we have been… For a lot longer, ie more then 3 months. And not with much missing time in there. But yes, I think that if offered I would accept.

This is kind of disturbing that I’m talking about it like a piece of meat. But it isn’t. It’s a very emotional thing. Anyways, just wanted to document that. Since I didn’t do a good enough job documenting my feelings way back when, and now no one believes me that there were feelings there. 😛

PS, I know this entry is in completly WRONG cronological order, but whatever!

To Be Missed Already.

Even though this was a REALLY great weekend, I spent more time of it then I should have been upset about something.

Most of it was spent being upset about the whole Infection thing that Andrew has. We talked on the way there about it and he says that he thinks its because of us having sex. Now I believe that because I can’t think of anything else that would have caused it.

That makes me feel really bad, mainly because now, for me at least, the first time that we’ve had sex is going to be in my mind as the time that Andrew got an infection. And that just really sucks. I mean, I still feel the same way emotionaly, and I really enjoyed the fact that we could share that, and it means a lot to me. But it’s still going to remembered as not only the great time that it was for the both of us, but also as the time that Andrew got an infection. It just really sucks.

It also sucks because that’s turned him off from sex. Now, it doesn’t really bother me, on the level of, Damn now I can’t have sex but on the level of, Damn now we can’t share that And I just feel really bad about that. I also feel bad because from what I gather, Andrew’s had mostly bad experiences with sex. And I was really hoping that this would be a really good experience for him. And it turned out not being as such.

I really regret not using a condom for that time. But I’m really glad that we got to share that closeness. And I hope that we only continue to grow closer in the last few weeks we have together.

Other then that one problem there really wasn’t anything else. The weekend was REALLY great, and in the end I’m very glad that Dustin did cancell on us. I think that it was a great time to get to hang out, and it’s really brought me a lot closer to him.

It’s also really made me realize how much I’m going to miss him when he’s gone. He spent a lot of time this weekend talking about moving and his new roomates and the like and that really scared me.

Here it is. Only 3 more weeks left, and there’s still so much to do. There were so many times this weekend where I just wanted to break down and cry and hold him and tell him how much I loved him, and how happy I am, and how lucky I am to have him as a boy friend.

To tell him how how much happier I am with him. And how glad I am that we talked, and I decided to break up with Adam. I’m glad so glad that I broke my promise to that I made to myself not to date him, because he’s nothing like I thought he was when I told myself that.

And now looking back on that, I think I probably told myself that because I was becoming to close to him, and stuff.

The ride home was the worst part though, I was so glad that he slept most of the way so that I could just sit there in self-pitty and think to myself. And so that I could hold his hand, and Admire him while he slept…

Which is probably the time that he’s most beautiful.

Once we got back to his house, I didn’t want to stay long because I knew that if I did, I would end up breaking down. So I left quickly, though it ended up being a bit too quick. I felt as though he was pushing along the goodbye.

I drove home pratically in tears the whole way. I just can’t believe that in 3 weeks the best thing that’s ever happened to me is going to be gone, and that scares me to no end.

Another thing that really scares me is what’s going to happen between us once he moves. I know I’ve brought this up before, but it is really scary, and I don’t know what he’s thinking about it all.

On the one hand, it’d be nice to keep up a relationship, but what’s the probabiliy of it actually working out long distance. And on the other hand, taking a break, but then I’ll feel like shit when he goes out and gets other bf’s while he’s in Cali. I know this is probably sounding really obsesive about now, so I’ll stop.

But it does bring us to another point… The trip. I’m willing to spend up to $700 total for the whole thing. Now I know that probably seems like way to much to be spending to see my bf of what will be 4 months off to college. But I look at it as more of a nice vacation for me. I just happen to be seeing my bf off to college at the same time. That’s why I’m willing to spend so much on it all. Not because I’m crazy.

Though it really does mean a lot to me to see him off to college, don’t get me wrong. And I’m really looking forward to seeing where he used to live and get to have so much fun, and helping him get into his first dorm room. I only wish that I had someone to help me when I first moved into my dorm room. It was such a scary time, and I really needed someone there for me.

At least here he will, I’ll be there for him. And I hope that he knows how much I care for him and how much I hope he enjoys Cali.

With Love,
Topher.

PS, I hope this doesn’t cause any problems… I forsee it doing as such… Drew Bear, if you want to call me after you read this, feel free too. I love you baby, and I don’t want you being upset… Nothing was meant to do as such.

PPS, this update will be edited tomorrow about the following topics: 1) Housing, 2) Orange Cum

A Loss For Words…

Wow, so there were a lot of emotional developments this weekend.

Friday we didn’t really do much, just hung out. It was really nice, we went and saw our second movie together, and hence our second typical date. I guess you could call it. Though there wasn’t any dinner, so does it count as one or not? I’m going to say that it does.

Saturday was really good, even though we spent a lot of time at his house. Like I said in the main journal. Sure watching him pack is boring, but I think it’s worth my time to be there. Both to support him, and to get to spend time with him. I know that if I were moving as far away from my friends as he is, I would want someone there every time I was packing. Otherwise I’d just break down in tears and not ever get anything done.

It was really hard to sit there and watch him pack. I know he really didn’t do that much, just one box. But he did go through all his clothes, etc. And it’s really starting to come down to the end. There were a few times while I was sitting there watching him that the tear factory started up. I contained it though before it really got into full gear.

Bowling was tons of fun, though he really kicked my ass. I used to be much better at bowling, but I just seem to have lost it. And plus the ball was way to heavy for me.

After that was the porn store. I haven’t been in one in forever. So that was amusing as hell, then to supper. That was nice to just hang out with him there. Although the place we went was way more expensive then I remember it being and there were a lot of white trash people there.

After that we went back to my house and went hot tubbing. That was nice, even with all the stupid bugs and such flying around and eating us alive!

We didn’t spend much time in there, just enough to talk some. From the hot tub we went right to my room. I took Andrew’s undies to put in the dryer. I really like when he goes nude, though I know that he doesn’t enjoy it. I’m glad that at least sometimes he will do it.

Anyways, we were laying in my bed, making out, etc. He gave me a rimmy, a really good one. Lots of the dry-humping, which has now become a fairly regular thing. And a very enjoyable thing, I think. I dunno, I just really like it.

Well we were doing that, and Andrew leans into me and says, I want to make love to you. And at that moment, and even now just thinking about it, it makes my heart stop, and I’m at a loss for words. That meant so much to me, that he cares so much for me, and I care so much for him. It just makes me so happy, and it means so so much to me.

I didn’t know what to say. I wanted to, but I just didn’t know what to say. I wanted to make sure that he was ready, but I didn’t want to just stop and go, Well are you sure you’re ready.
I knew that I was, I had been thinking about that lately. I felt that we were ready, or close to being close enough to do that. But what was he really thinking.

The whole time I was debating this in my head we were hugging and kissing, and I was just holding him so close, but I wanted to hold him closer.

I finally decided that he’s mature enough, he would know when he was ready for something like that. Not like my last bf, who freaked out after wards and caused a huge fight… Andrew’s mature, and he wouldn’t say that if he didn’t mean it.

We fooled around some more, he would give me a rimmy, and then more dry-humping… Finally we got into a good position, and he got Enfuego nice and lubed, and gave me a good rimmy and then slowly got it in.

That was by far the best I had ever had, and also the most meaningful. When Adam and I first did it, we weren’t even dating, there was no emotional feelings there that time. This time it was so wonderful. So great, and so pleasurable as well. I was so close to coming but he pulled out just before both times.

That night I was so happy, Andrew and I had shared so much, and I think we became closer on an emotional level. The feelings are just so indescribable.

Sunday was nice, though Andrew was acting a bit weird. I really wanted to talk to him the whole day about what had happened the night before, but the right time never seemed to come up, though I really didn’t try that much, because I attributed most of his weirdness to the moving since we spent the whole day packing.

Finally that night we got to talk about it while laying in his bed. It was good to hear that he wasn’t really regretting what happened, just that he was scared that I didn’t feel the same way that he did. And I do, so I reassured him on that. And hopefully all was better after that. We talked some more about other things, and he said that I should come with him to Cali.

I really wish that I could, I don’t want him to move away. I’m going to be losing so much when he leaves. Hopefully I won’t lose it for good.

Leaving was even harder then usual that night. I really wanted to just stay there and hold him, and let him know that how much he means to me. But eventually I had to leave.

And that drive home, seemed even longer than normal. Way longer. All I could think about was him, and how hard it’ll be without him here this fall. I know I’ll get through it, but it’ll be hard… And I know that he’ll do just fine out there in Cali.

Lenni Lenape

It’s the Nanticoke Lenni-Lenape. That lived in New Jersey, not the main tribe of the Lenni Lenape. 😛

Anyways, yesterday was so great. We spent some time scanning pictures at his house, which was nice. Though, boring for me all at the same time. lol. I didn’t mind really, beecause what else would we really have been doing??

After that swimming, then hottubing. I really wish that my PU’s wouldn’t have been home when we were doing that. Perhaps this weekend we can go after dark if it’s still warm enough. Hopefully it will be.

From the pool/hottub we went up to my room, where we made out for a while. Then I gave Andrew another nice massage. I don’t think he really needed it, but he earned it. 😛 I also got more access again. Which is very exciting. I hope that means he’s getting used to it, so that way it’ll be easier in the future. He sure came a good one though last night. lol. I laugh just thinking about it… But I also get hard at the same time… “Down Hoody, Down!”

Once we were done with that, it was movie, food, camp. Camp was so nice to have him there, and so great that he really wants to learn about it all, and is trying to understand it all. Because I know it can be confusing. It really means a lot to me that he came. I’m still contemplating whether I want to go up on Friday or not. WE’ll have to see if we have any other plans for that day before then.

Drove home talking about more camp stuff and the like. Got home and just sat in my drive way forever saying goodbye, it’s always so hard. I don’t know how it’ll happen in LAX.

He said “I love you” again. It’s always so reassuring to hear him say it, and be the first to say it. It really makes me feel good when he says it those words.

We finally parted ways.

As I said in the public update… I can’t wait tell Friday!

Laters.