Humanity

So I was in bed tonight trying to sleep and my head was spinning, thinking, and I came up with this topic: Best way to Kill yourself.

Now just a notice, I’m not doing any research on these, just my impressions…

Gun (Head/Heart): Ok, I’d say this is probably one of the most “popular” ways of doing things. I mean, as long as you use the right caliber of gun the bullet will enter your scull and then get stuck because it won’t have the momentum to break through the other side. And because of the curvature of the scull the bullet will literally bounce around inside there and will just rip your brain apart in seconds. The real question here is do you feel the pain of your brain being ripped apart? And if you do it wrong, the bullet will just rip a whole straight through your brain and exit stage left… This could be a problem because then you aren’t destroying the main parts of the brain which feel pain, so then it’ll be more painful, right?

The second part of this is shooting yourself in the heart, which I think is just stupid, because well, if you don’t hit it right and you completly miss then you’ve got to shoot yourself again! Plus, you’re only killing something that provides a source of life to your brain, so while you’re brain dies from lack of blood you still feel all the pain of dying, right? Or is your brain in such shock that you can’t feel it?

Jumping Off Building: Ok, this one is logically flawed, right? I mean, first you’ve got to find a building to jump off of that’s big enough, then you’ve got to get to the top of it… So you’ve got to REALLY want to die, eh? Plus then you’ve got the few seconds from the time you jump to the time you hit the ground. What in the WORLD is going through your mind during that time, could you imagine? And then if you don’t pick a building big enough and you don’t die the instant you hit the ground, you’ve got all the pain of living and then having to try to kill yourself again. Example, when I was living in Ames, some woman tried jumping off the ISU Parking garage (30 feet tall), she lived but spent tons of time in the hospital… I can’t remember if she ended up living or dying.

Decapitation/Throat Slitting: Ok the real question here is what happens to you after you cut your head off. Your brain is still in tact, but do you feel the pain of having your head removed from the rest of your body? Because your brain does live for a few minutes or so after it stops getting blood/oxygen. I think this is just a stupid way to go, no?

Strangling: This one seems like a smart way to die. If you do it right it snaps your spine and you die instantly, but you’ve got all the work of tying the knot (Which isn’t easy to do RIGHT, I know I taught knot tying) and finding somewhere to hang it from. And then if you don’t do it right you just hang there for minutes slowly strangling to death. So that sucks.

Drugs: I’d say this is probably a good way of dying, as long as you get the right drugs. They do it to people on death row. Knock them out first and then inject something that basiaclly stops the heart. Easy enough to do, no pain and it’s quick. Only problem is you have to select the drug carefully. You don’t want to be alert and puking or having horrible convulsions.

Carbon Dioxide Inhalation: This one is just stupid I think, it takes forever and is easy to chicken out of. It’s my opinion that people who kill themselves this way are just asking for attention because you hear more of people starting to do it and being found then people who actually do it.

Anyways, my hypothesis is that the best way to die is by drug overdose.

The point of this bulletin is: I’ve started reading Humanity again. It’s one of the few books that I kept after graduating college. The book is all about the Ethics and Morality of war during the Twentieth Century. It’s amazing, everyone should read it.

Myke

Man… I don’t know what’s wrong with me…

I can’t stand not talking to Myke… I want to talk to him. I see him get online, I want to IM him and say “Hey sexy”. I want him to invite me over, or say, “lets go on a date”. I hate the fact that he’s been online for 3 hours and hasn’t IMed me yet. Or that he doesn’t repsond to me on things on myspace.com.

I want to keep looking at the pics of him in his profile and how sexy he is!

Why do I feel this WAY!?! Damnit!

I don’t Know what to feel…

Ummm, I really don’t know what to feel about this whole Myke thing.

I think I might have a crush on him. Or do I feel this way because he reminds me so much of Andrew? I just don’t know what to do. I feel rejected too whenever I talk to him online, because he always seems really short and doesn’t want to talk to me.

I really want to know what this is. Am I just clinging to the first person that I like, or do I really have something for him maybe? Did he have anything for me is even more of a question. Because I just don’t know… and I really don’t know how to ask him either.

I want to go on a real date with him, but I just can’t really bring myself to ask him…. God, I’ve never had to ask someone on a date before, what do I do!

Later.

Back In Iowa

Hmm.

Why’s it seem that all the people I WANT to date are in Iowa. 🙁

Jed’s there, I wouldn’t mind dating him. And even before dating him, I can see that it would work for a while. He might have some annoying habit, but we spent a lot of time together at camp, and well. He’s a great guy.

Justin’s there, I could date him. Though he’d have to stop drinking so much.

And lastly, Andrew’s there. My one true love.

Fuck this world… I think I need to see a mental guy..

I’m very depressed right now… And I really want to go see Andrew. I want to tell him not to go, because I want to be his friend again. But I just can’t. It won’t make any difference now.

If only he had stayed at ISU when I asked him to 2 years ago. If only.

Fuck my life. Nothing works out.