Category: My Life

I leave Miami in an hour and I CANNOT WAIT to get back to LA, work two short days at the office there and then take a fun weekend out rock climbing with some great people this weekend!

This week in Miami has really taken an emotional and mental toll on me. I cannot work 14 hour days 7 days a week. It’s just not who I am! I need my time to myself, to relax, refresh and forget the stress, idiots at work.

It’s taken such an emotional toll that I’m pissed at Morgan and I don’t know what to do. Yesterday he made a joke about me hooking up in Miami and I countered with a joke about him in Vegas. His response was “what happened in vegas…”.

That really pissed me off, specially after the lack of communication all weekend from him and hearing about him staying out partying till 6am! I’m pretty sure nothing happened there, he doesn’t seem to be that sort of person. But My mind is so fried right now and I’m so easily upset that the joke that I normally would have just let slide really got to me and made me almost cry here at my office.

So here’s our convo:

1:05:40 PM Cj B (blackc2004): Sorry, best kept for in-person discussion, hence why I was extra pissed when I found out I had to stay till Wed!…..But I’m sure you’ve figured out I’m pretty interested in you and would like to discuss what you’re looking for, ie “activity partners”, bf, etc in the long run. If you even are interested in me that way? And since I’m interested, the idea of you doing whatever with other guys kind of annoys me.
1:11:42 PM Morgan: ya that sounds like an in person talk
1:13:04 PM Cj B (blackc2004): Yeah, maybe we can meet up for dinner Wed and discuss whatever. I can come down to LB after my flight lands if that works.
1:24:14 PM Morgan: wed is my hermit day
1:24:39 PM Cj B (blackc2004): Um. ok when?
1:32:20 PM Morgan: dunno
1:33:13 PM Morgan: and you’re going to hate me for this, but do you think we could reschedule harry potter for next week? I forgot I’m riding down to manny’s on thurs
1:33:59 PM Cj B (blackc2004): Um, phone sometime tonight then? I’d rather discuss before leaving for robbers on Friday.
1:48:07 PM Morgan: I’m going over to Sam’s tonight.. not sure when I’ll be back
1:48:48 PM Cj B (blackc2004): Ok. Um, well when do you want to talk about this? Because I don’t wanna go to Robbers and act like an idiot if you want different things then I do.
1:50:16 PM Cj B (blackc2004): I doubt it’s going to take more then 30 minutes, no? If even that long to discuss. I’ve already spilled my side.
1:59:28 PM Morgan: I suppose if you’re up when I get back tonight or wed?
1:59:32 PM Morgan: when do you get back tomrorow?
2:00:31 PM Cj B (blackc2004): I land at 3:35 tomorrow.
4:10:11 PM Cj B (blackc2004): Ok. Well I have to run to the airport to pick up a guy from LA then we’re going to dinner. I’ll leave it in your hands as to when to discuss. But I’ve missed hanging out with you, chatting, going and doing stuff, I think we have a lot in common, etc. So I just want to get an idea of what you’re wanting, how you feel, etc so that I don’t keep thinking we’re going down one road while you are going down another road. Just want to make sure we’re both on the same page as to what we’re looking for/want, etc. If you don’t want anything more, then I’d just like to know now so we can be friends and not ruin anything. So give me a call or let me know what you wanna do…

So yeah…. this whole convo really annoyed me. Basically if he wanted more, wouldn’t he have wanted to at least meet up Wed to talk about it for a little bit? I could understand if he wants time alone, he’s been with people EVERYDAY since last weekend, but come on. Or couldn’t he at least call before heading over to Sam’s? Couldn’t he CALL at SOMETIME today. It’d take just a few minutes to discuss this stuff with him, it’s not like I’m wanting to fucking bitch and cry for hours on end. He could have even just said YES OR NO over AIM!

And then the fact that he didn’t even reply to me from 2pm onwards? So basically I’m preparing myself for the worst. At this point, I don’t know what to do.

I couldn’t sleep at all last night. I was so pissed/waiting for his call. I was hoping he’d call me and talk about it. I just want to know. I can’t stand NOT KNOWING! It’s breaking my heart to not know. I know this sounds so stupid, but Morgan is fucking amazing, really. I have never felt like this in so long! Even with Constantine, it took me a couple months to feel like I really cared about him. Morgan, I’ve felt like it since basically the drive up to Yosemite!

I can’t deal with this and the stress from all this work shit and the lists and lists of stuff that’s piling up for me to do once I get back to LA! In the next three months, I have to completed design and program a traceability system for Mexico from scratch. The one that we have in place now will do NOTHING for the upcoming year. Plus I have to do a phone switch over manage all the stupid help desk calls that come in daily, maintain all the servers, etc AND do all the projects that are adding up! I really need a second person to help me out with all this shit.

I’m out. I’m going to go home tonight, change into some PJ’s, cuddle with the pussy on the couch and catch up on Movies, TV and finish AdBusters!

Soooooo. I’m stuck in Miami 3 extra days, which really blows because I really wanted to get home to see Morgan today. Specially after the week/weekend I have had.

Basically since I got to Miami, I have seen my office and my hotel. Working 14-16 hour days every day. It’s been a mess, but I think all the hard work has paid off some in the short term. We’ll see what happens.

Besides work, there has been NOTHING going on here. ALL the office boys are HOT here. Which is sad because all the ones in LA area ugly!

Yesterday I finally got a few hours off and went to the Everglades and did some fun off roading! It was great. Came back to the office and worked for the evening.

So Morgan, I haven’t seen him since last Monday. 🙁 At Sirin’s he was all touchy/feely, etc. Which was REALLY nice. Then we talked on the phone Tuesday and Wed night. Then I’ve hardly heard from him all weekend while he was @ defcon. I suppose he’s probably really busy, but it just ANNOYs the hell out of me that it takes him so long to reply to txts, etc. He hasn’t called, what not. I’ve tried to ask him what’s been up. That’s one of my biggest annoyances with anyone that I like is when they are not very responsive in conversation like that.

I’m sure I’m just totally over reacting, but you know, that’s how I am! I can’t wait to get back on Wed now and see him and see how things are between us.

I also wish he were more open about what’s been up in his past. Like I found out his last BF was 2 years ago, but I haven’t been able to really find anything else out. I want to just flat out ask him what he’s looking for. I don’t want to end up like the Mexican wanting more then he’s willing to give!

Anyways, I’m back at the office in Miami and really should get to work! Later all!

Sooo. This past weekend it was basically myself and Morgan. From Thursday-Monday morning. And let me tell you! Holy jesus this boy is great!

So Thursday he met me at my office and we drove up to Monterey. Had a great little drive up there and saw one CRAZY ass accident in which the engine of the car was about 100 feet down the road from the rest of the car! Insanity! The whole drive up there we chatted about all kinds of stuff and what not. Got there, checked into the hotel then went and wondered around the city a little bit. Came back tried to watch a movie which was HORRIBLE. After that we made out for a while (first time!) and then went to bed. He’s a little awk at the whole making out thing, damn nerds, but it was still fun! 🙂

Friday we got up, went out to Crepes for breakfast and then came back to the hotel where we both worked for a while. I had to leave at noon for a lunch meeting and then my conference. The conference was very interesting and I learned a lot, I also realized that we have a LONG ways to go in this whole traceability issues.

Met up with Morgan again after that and we drove south. I would have liked to have stayed in Monterey for a while, perhaps another time! 🙂

We stopped at a few places along the coast and EVERYWHERE we stopped people kept telling us about this concert on Saturday night in Big Sur. Morgan was wearing a pink floyd shirt and apparently it was a pink floyd tribute band or something. It was really funny.

Got to the place where we were going to camp and it was FULL so we had to find an alternative. Drove south a ways only to find out the next two camp grounds were also full, then drove back north to our first camp site, talked to some fun germans and found out the ranger told them it’s ok to just camp alongside the road. So that’s what we ended up doing.

Saturday we got up early and headed out into the canyons and hills above into the Los Padres national forest. It was a really nice hike although only 5 miles in to our camp ground. We got there by noon, setup camp and then wondered on for alittle bit more. After our campground the trail got really hot and annoying it was just desert like, 3200 foot of elevation gain in 3 miles and deadly! So we stopped at a nice view point, ate some lunch and then headed back to camp. Took a nice nap for a while, chatted and then went swimming in the HUGE pools that were all over camp! (That’s sarcasm! The pools were tiny!)

Got done with that, came back to camp, made some tea and then ate dinner. Hung around till about 10ish and went to bed. Yay for more making out! In the wilderness even!! 🙂

Sunday we got up around 8ish, packed camp, ate breakfast and were off on the trail back to the car by 9. Got to the car at 11, jumped in the ocean (freeeeezing) and then drove south. Got to Hearst Castle, did a tour there, ate lunch at a Mexican place, drove down to San Luis Obispo and had some frozen yougurt on the main drag. Booked it home from there. We got back to my place around 9ish, showered real quick and then had to run to my office to fix a server. He sat here and read while I did that and were back to my house by midnight.

Went to bed, I cooked him breakfast in the morning and coffee and then went to work.

Work was pretty boring all day and I really just wanted to leave to go see him again! lol.

After work I went home, did the worst packing job ever and then headed to Sirin’s house to meet up with Morgan and her to make pizza from stuff in her garden! 🙂

It was a great evening of hanging out with them, cooking dinner, Morgan and I did most of the prep work, so cute to have someone to cook with! 🙂

So yeah, I’m totally falling for him hard core style. Even Sirin said that she hasn’t seem me act like this before! LOL.

Anyways, I have to be in Miami all week for work! 🙁 I’m sad to not being able to see Morgan all week.

Hmmm, what a busy week this is going to be! But first, all about the weekend!

Friday I got off work a bit late and headed over to Morgan’s (Yosemite’s) place to meet up with him, his “sister” and to go see the Star Trek. So I get to his house, it’s been a long day, I have a headache, etc. walk into this house and there’s this girl at his table who I think to myself, this doesn’t look at ALL like his sister! But whatever, he introduces her as his sister and off we go. Like 30 minutes later he’s like, “Oh by the way, this isn’t my sister”. Kind of annoying, but also funny I suppose.

So the whole night I was a little slow and tired, but we saw the movie which was amazing, I can’t believe I waited this long to freaking go see it!

His sister joined us like half way through the movie, then we went back to his place and I left shortly after that. Got home around midnight and just crashed.

Saturday I got up early, cleaned my apartment ALL freaking day, did other random chores and basically just stayed home. It’s nice to have a semi-clean apartment now!

Sunday I got up early, drove to the office, dealt with a guy who speaks ONLY Spanish when trying to get BLUEBERRIES! Ugh.

Morgan, Molly (his sister) and Sophia (his co-worker) showed up and we piled into my car and then drove off to Malibu to go climbing, even though we were late we were still way early! LOL. Jerry had JUST finished setting up when we got there and I took the opportunity to make the first climb! I am in LOVE with climbing at Malibu! I cannot believe how much I had been missing out on all the climbing there! There are so many great routes and great people to meet there.

We climbed till nearly 3pm and had a great time! Morgan was shirtless, wearing skimpy shorts and just being sexy as hell! I wanted to grab him and just make out with him on the beach, but I’m sure his sister would have found that awk!

So anyways after the climbing the group headed out to a place in Malibu to eat dinner and then I drove them all back to my office which took forever because traffic was so slow! The day was absolutely amazing and after hanging out with Morgan and his sister for so long I was really crushing on hm hard core!

Monday was a really long day at the office, nothing was working right, had a 7am meeting with contractors and bosses and got myself a personal business consultant, so that’s amazing. 🙂 Hopefully now we can really get things moving forward with the project.

That evening I drove over to Morgan’s house and hung out. We made dinner, blueberry cobbler and hung out. It was a great time just chatting and hanging out with him. He even said a few times that he “really liked me”. And I’m really starting to like him! But flirting with a nerd is so awk! OMG! Like we were laying on the couch the last night and I wanted to just kind of cuddle up with him, but it was just strange trying to like do the smooth moves with him. lol.

So we drank wine, had a great time, went to bed. Climbed in bed and he turns his back to me, but then grabs my arm and pulls me so I’m doing the whole spoon thing and held me in tight. So I lay there for a bit massaging his chest and holding his hand and I decide I want to kiss him, so I try to do the whole smooth kiss thing, but I end up having to basically grab his face, pull it towards me and give him a little kiss on the lips. It’s nice sleeping next to him. 🙂

Anyways, so this morning we got up, he made me breakfast and coffee and sent me on my way! What else could a boy ask for! Perhaps it’s time to make a real commitment again. It has been over a year now since Const, which a year between real relationships is about my standard! lol. We shall see.

This weekend Morgan and I are headed to Monterey and are currently trying to find a place to do some overnight camping. We had found a GREAT sounding place, but apparently it’s VERY very busy anymore. So that sucks.

I’m out!

So I just broke up with the Mexican (daniel). I feel pretty bad about it. But things just aren’t going where they should, he’s just not into the things that I am into, etc.

We had a long talk. He’s only the second person I’ve ever broken up with. It was pretty hard for me, but I don’t wanna be that asshole boyfriend who just breaks up and then kicks the other one out. So we chatted about it for a while.

He left and called me 30 minutes later bawling his eyes out. Again, felt bad. But at the same time, it had to happen.

Sad to see it go, but ready for the future…..