My Life Not Published

Fly me HOME!

I leave Miami in an hour and I CANNOT WAIT to get back to LA, work two short days at the office there and then take a fun weekend out rock climbing with some great people this weekend!

This week in Miami has really taken an emotional and mental toll on me. I cannot work 14 hour days 7 days a week. It’s just not who I am! I need my time to myself, to relax, refresh and forget the stress, idiots at work.

It’s taken such an emotional toll that I’m pissed at Morgan and I don’t know what to do. Yesterday he made a joke about me hooking up in Miami and I countered with a joke about him in Vegas. His response was “what happened in vegas…”.

That really pissed me off, specially after the lack of communication all weekend from him and hearing about him staying out partying till 6am! I’m pretty sure nothing happened there, he doesn’t seem to be that sort of person. But My mind is so fried right now and I’m so easily upset that the joke that I normally would have just let slide really got to me and made me almost cry here at my office.

So here’s our convo:

1:05:40 PM Cj B (blackc2004): Sorry, best kept for in-person discussion, hence why I was extra pissed when I found out I had to stay till Wed!…..But I’m sure you’ve figured out I’m pretty interested in you and would like to discuss what you’re looking for, ie “activity partners”, bf, etc in the long run. If you even are interested in me that way? And since I’m interested, the idea of you doing whatever with other guys kind of annoys me.
1:11:42 PM Morgan: ya that sounds like an in person talk
1:13:04 PM Cj B (blackc2004): Yeah, maybe we can meet up for dinner Wed and discuss whatever. I can come down to LB after my flight lands if that works.
1:24:14 PM Morgan: wed is my hermit day
1:24:39 PM Cj B (blackc2004): Um. ok when?
1:32:20 PM Morgan: dunno
1:33:13 PM Morgan: and you’re going to hate me for this, but do you think we could reschedule harry potter for next week? I forgot I’m riding down to manny’s on thurs
1:33:59 PM Cj B (blackc2004): Um, phone sometime tonight then? I’d rather discuss before leaving for robbers on Friday.
1:48:07 PM Morgan: I’m going over to Sam’s tonight.. not sure when I’ll be back
1:48:48 PM Cj B (blackc2004): Ok. Um, well when do you want to talk about this? Because I don’t wanna go to Robbers and act like an idiot if you want different things then I do.
1:50:16 PM Cj B (blackc2004): I doubt it’s going to take more then 30 minutes, no? If even that long to discuss. I’ve already spilled my side.
1:59:28 PM Morgan: I suppose if you’re up when I get back tonight or wed?
1:59:32 PM Morgan: when do you get back tomrorow?
2:00:31 PM Cj B (blackc2004): I land at 3:35 tomorrow.
4:10:11 PM Cj B (blackc2004): Ok. Well I have to run to the airport to pick up a guy from LA then we’re going to dinner. I’ll leave it in your hands as to when to discuss. But I’ve missed hanging out with you, chatting, going and doing stuff, I think we have a lot in common, etc. So I just want to get an idea of what you’re wanting, how you feel, etc so that I don’t keep thinking we’re going down one road while you are going down another road. Just want to make sure we’re both on the same page as to what we’re looking for/want, etc. If you don’t want anything more, then I’d just like to know now so we can be friends and not ruin anything. So give me a call or let me know what you wanna do…

So yeah…. this whole convo really annoyed me. Basically if he wanted more, wouldn’t he have wanted to at least meet up Wed to talk about it for a little bit? I could understand if he wants time alone, he’s been with people EVERYDAY since last weekend, but come on. Or couldn’t he at least call before heading over to Sam’s? Couldn’t he CALL at SOMETIME today. It’d take just a few minutes to discuss this stuff with him, it’s not like I’m wanting to fucking bitch and cry for hours on end. He could have even just said YES OR NO over AIM!

And then the fact that he didn’t even reply to me from 2pm onwards? So basically I’m preparing myself for the worst. At this point, I don’t know what to do.

I couldn’t sleep at all last night. I was so pissed/waiting for his call. I was hoping he’d call me and talk about it. I just want to know. I can’t stand NOT KNOWING! It’s breaking my heart to not know. I know this sounds so stupid, but Morgan is fucking amazing, really. I have never felt like this in so long! Even with Constantine, it took me a couple months to feel like I really cared about him. Morgan, I’ve felt like it since basically the drive up to Yosemite!

I can’t deal with this and the stress from all this work shit and the lists and lists of stuff that’s piling up for me to do once I get back to LA! In the next three months, I have to completed design and program a traceability system for Mexico from scratch. The one that we have in place now will do NOTHING for the upcoming year. Plus I have to do a phone switch over manage all the stupid help desk calls that come in daily, maintain all the servers, etc AND do all the projects that are adding up! I really need a second person to help me out with all this shit.

I’m out. I’m going to go home tonight, change into some PJ’s, cuddle with the pussy on the couch and catch up on Movies, TV and finish AdBusters!

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