Category: My Life

Dec 12 hehe, i’m doing this way to early, but o well. todays

been kinda a downer day. i haven’t gotten much done really, went to math,

that was fucking boring like normal so i won’t go into that. then i went to

programming an hour early and sat in that room and got all my notecards made

out for tomorrow, but now i just have to figure out how i’m going to say shit,

i have it all, i just need the order of it all. know what i mean. haven’t

seen or heard from danny since late sat night, i hope he’s alright, he made

some snyde (i think that’s the word) comment on sat night, i was watching

the fight on HBO, and i was like i don’t get how they score this. and he told

me, then i was like well you’ll just have to come explain this shit to me

more some time, and then he said “yeah the jock, is that what you’re

saying about me, that i’m a jock.” and then i was like “why you

say that” and then he said nothing i was just tugging your leg, but then

the next thing he said was, not going near that. so what’s he mean by all

this. he meant something, but he won’t tell me. damnit i love him. i want

to know what he’s thinking. why did he say that. fuck. i’ve been really sad

lately. i really don’t want to go “home” for the holidays, i just

want to go out and be on my own. i don’t want to face my family again, not

after all that shit at t-day. I’m really not looking forward to the holidays.

o yeah, i’ve been thinking alot lately about what i want to do with my life.

I’ve decided that if i end up with a nice guy, like a really long term thing,

i want kids. matt’s really helped me decide that lately. he’s so cute. lol.I’ve

also been thinking about my choise in careers. i think i might seriously think

about going into teaching, i think i would like that more then the private

sector of computers, but you know there’s always that mone problem. maybe

i can get a really good summer job or something. yeah. i don’t know, but o

pseaking of summer jobs, i’m thinking about going out of council for summer

work this year, that way i can be alittle bit of my self, but i would still

have to hide the REAL me. you know what i mean. but i know if i worked here

in council i would have to go as far as taking my ear ring out,cause the freaks

here are really homophobic. but some of the councils that i’m looking at like

The Cradle of Liberty they aren’t as stuck up about it. and that would be

cool to cause they have the FIRST every BSA camp out there and i’d also be closer to danny, only like an hour or so. that would be REALLY cool. but i

probobly won’t go out there, i’ll end up working at shitty ass Kum & Go

again or something knowing me. I HATE KUM & GO. wow i really wasn’t planning

on babbling this much. so i’ll go now, maybe i’ll write more later.

Dec 11. yeah it’s like noon or there about, it’s BLOODY FUCKING

COLD. damn it. last night we got about 4 inches of snow and it’s still snowing.

and the high today is supposed to be -2 or something and they are saying windchills

from -30 to -70 for the next week, o joy. sounds like fun damn it. i want

out of here. haven’t talked to danny yet again since sat. hope he’ alright,

i’ve sent him two e-mails now. hope he’s on tonight after my meeting so i

can talk to him. i really love him, incase you hadn’t noticed. i should be

working on those damn speeches but i don’t want to. i’ve just got total writers

block, i came up with some pretty damn good intros and stuf last night while

i was in bed, but they were just way to reveiling of me. listeing to Oaisis,

Champane SuperNova, it’s a good song, it’s been years since i last heard it

and then the other day i was on napster and suddenly had an urge to hear it

so i want and got it. hehe. it’s a good song. well i think i’m going to go

off and do something now, i don’t know what, i think maybe i’ll just go galavant

around the internet. i should be writing papers. well it’s now 6:30 and danny

still hasn’t been on. I’m sad. i miss him so much. i hope i didn’t say anything

that offened him. i don’t think i did. i miss him. that’s all i have to say,

i’m going to go pout now, i miss him so much. I love danny.

Dec 9 OMG. last night was sooooooooooooo great. i was on cloud

9, i really love danny. he’s so sweet. ahhhhhhh. yeah. OMG, it was so great.

after he left i just kinda sat there thinking about him. for hours, and when

i got up this morning i just sat there thinking about how much i love him,

and what he means to me. he’s so great. i really do love him. well i haven’t

seen BJ yet today, hope all went ok with his comp fix, hehe. wouldn’t want

to cause problems for him. lol. o well i’m sure it went fine. i’m sure it

did. he’s a smart kid. Well i looked into changing my major again today. I

really do think i would love teaching it would be so much fun i really think

that it would be. you know that, i would love it. but yeah, i e-mailed a guy

from SDSU to find out what all i needed to do if i got in out there. and also

just looked round other places to see what was up with it all. yeah, danny

and me. i wonder what he’s going into, when we first met he said pre-med,

but now he says he doesn’t know for sure, that would be cool though a doctor

and a teacher. lol. yeah. but other then that nothing much has happened yet

today, it’s ony 12:30 i’ve been up sinve 7 but i didn’t get out of bed tell

9 or 10 cause i was just laying there thinking about danny, how nice it would

be to just lay there and hold him. hold him close to my body, to love him.

so see his beutiful eyes when i wake up in the morning just laying there,

how cute, i love him. cloud 9 again. ahh, i’m going to go out for a walk now.

so i’ll be back later to add more. WEEEEEEEEEEE. I’m on a danny high. REALLY

HIGH. He called me out of the blue, we only talked for like a couple minutes,

but it was cool. i love him, he’s got such a sweet voice, he talks really

softly.

Dec 8, some time after dark. ahhhhhh, it’s been a good day so

far. went and took a test in CSC 105, that was easy, then my partner and i

got that project done, and then i came back here and wondered round for a

bit doing general stuff. then i went to a meeting with one of my teachers,

that went pretty well we went over my speeches and why i got such a low grade

on the last one, i still don’t understand why, but o well. he seems to justify

it. I’m talking to danny right now, well not RIGHT now, he had to brb for

a while he said so i’m just waiting for him to come back, i’m starting to

worry though, this is the secnod fri in a row he hasn’t gone out. very odd

for him i do beleive. o well i love him, i’m glad he’s here to talk to. o

yeah speaking of talking to people, i talked to BJ today, he’s this really

cute guy from camp that i had a crush on. it was nice to talk to him, even

though we just talked bout computer problems and stuff, but o well, he said

“talk to ya tommow” though so hey, you never know. but yeah, i think

that’s all that’s going on round here. i gotta get math done this weekend

though, that’s not a good subject for me at the moment. not good at all. well

off to do something now.