Category: My Life

Oct 1, 2001 #2

Oct 1, #2 [Robyn, "I Wish"]

Do you know what I think about all these nights when

I can´t sleep, sleep at all

Slowly I close my eyes

My thoughts they fly away to you no matter what I do

I wish I could turn back time

Back to the time when you were mine

I wish

I wish the day, the day you went away never had happened baby

I wish the stars, the stars in heaven would come down to me

So I could give them to you

Tell me then would you be lovin´ me like I wish

It´s so hard when you love someone this much

But you just don´t know how, how to love him the right way

If you could see, what you´ve done to me

What you´ve done to my heart,

what you´ve done to my soul my baby

All of my mind and all of my body then you should know

Why I can´t let go and baby I

I wish the day, the day you went away never had happened baby

I wish the stars, the stars in heaven would come down to me

So i could give them to you

Tell me then would you be lovin´ me like I wish

I don´t know what you want me to do

To prove my love is real for you

I don´t know what you want me to say baby

There is no if´s or maybe´s

All I want is you ´cause baby you are my only wish

Adam and I talked. I knew what it was about. I knew that things were growing

a bit to close for him. I should have stopped it, but I didn’t cause I have

to admit that I enjoy that closeness. I know that I can’t have him, I know

that right now, that’s not what he wants. And I know how he feels about

a realtionship between me and him, "I could never be romantically in

love with you again." But I still love being there and being able to

hold him. Like I said though. I take our relationship at face value, we

are just friends. (You know it was almost exactly three months (three months

tomorrow) ago that I first said that about him, but this time it’s true).

That’s all we are, and for the future that’s all we’ll ever be.

Oct 1, 2001

Oct 1, [Better Than Ezra, "Heaven"]

Yay for Oct. being here.

So I didn’t sleep last night, mostly cause I was thinking about things

and going over what’s happened in my life lately. But yeah, so I didn’t

sleep all that well and this morning I really didn’t want to get out of

bed. So I laid in bed tell about 8 and then I was like, grrr. I should really

get up so I can go to my class. So I got up and got dressed and such. Walked

all the way over to LA, got there, and there’s a fucking note on the door.

"Engl 105 is cancelled today, Oct 1, 2001" I was like. FUCK. I

walked all that way. So then I walked all the way back across campus to

Campus Ave. to get my car and move it. I got back down to the stadium and

just as I was walking across the street to my bus stop. The damn bus drove

by, so I had to wait 10 minutes for the next bus. I felt really bad standing

on the corner there, it just didn’t look good. lol. Oh well. So now here

I am in my room, waiting fot things to happen. I should be studying right

now for my Soc test. But I’m really not in the mood to. I’ll get to it sometime.

Adam said that "We need to talk" after reading my post from yesterday.

I can kinda see what he might want to talk about. I don’t know if I like

where it might go though.

Sept 30, 2001 #2

Sept 30, #2 [Sophie B. Hawkins, "As I Lay Me Down"]

It felt like spring time on this February morning

In the courtyard birds were singing your praise

I’m still recalling things you said to make me feel alright

I carried them with me today

Now

As I lay me down to sleep

This I pray

That you will hold me dear

Though I’m far away

I’ll whisper your name

Into the sky

And I will wake up happy

I wonder why I feel so high

Though I am not above the sorrow

Heavy hearted

Till you call my name

And it sounds like church bells

Or the whistle of a train

On a summer evening

I’ll run to meet you

Barefoot barely breathing

As I lay me down to sleep

This I pray

That you will hold me dear

Though I’m far away

I’ll whisper your name into the sky

And I will wake up happy

It’s not too near for me

Like a flower I need the rain

Though it’s not clear to me

Every season has its change

And I will see you

When the sun comes out again

Sept 30, 2001

Sept 30, [Linkin Park, "The End"]

So it’s Sunday night and here I am just getting back to my dorm room. I

really have alot to talk about here tonight, but unfortunatlly most of it’s

private. I really wish that I could talk about what’s going on in my life

here, but I just can’t outside forces won’t let me and I don’t want to break

the trust that people have in me.

I was awaken this morning very rudly by my aunt. I didn’t get home tell

about 3 this morning and then I mooped around the house tell about 4, so

I was planning on sleeping in tell like 2 or so so that I could get up and

leave and not have to put up with the family. But no about 11, my aunt came

into my room (luckely (sp) I had heard her coming up the stairs so I covered

up, since I was sleeping nude) with her stupid little dog and she put that

damn dog on my bed and let it jump all over me and lick my face. I just

said, "Go Away" and pulled the covers up over my head. She took

the dog and left, I went back to sleep. About 15 minutes laters, she came

up and did the same fucking thing. So I decided I might as well get up.

I got up, went and took my shower and went down stairs. I got down there

and she said "Like your wake up call." I was like, what the fuck

kinda question was that, would _YOU_ fucking like it if I came into your

room when you were trying to sleep and let Gordy jump all over you and lick

you. I just gave her an evil look and went about my business. There was

supposed to be an article in the paper today with Adam in it. I couldn’t

find it. Well my aunt stayed tell like 1 or so, and then she left. About

45 minutes after she left my Grandma and my other aunt showed up. I found

out that my cousin Steve was moving into the same park thing that Adam lives

in. Actually, he lives like just like down the street from Adam now, so

that’s freaky, then shortly after they got there, he got there and we were

talking and I found out that he come to Ames all the time and hangs out

on College Ave, which is just like a couple blokcs from here. It’s freaky

as hell. But yeah. I left there about 2:45 or so and went over to Adam’s.

We went out to The Garden tonight, LOTS of hot guys there. It was good times.

Now I’m back here on campus and I’m really fucking depressed. I so don’t

want to be here at all. This week for some reason leaving Adam is just hitting

me really hard. I had to stop along the interstate cause I started crying

so badly. I love him so much, and we’ve got this connection that I could

never have with anyone else. I just wish that we could be back together.

I mean I love the relationship that we’re in, but sometimes. Sometimes I

just wish we had more.

Sept 28, 2001

Sept 28, [Deep Forest & Enigma, "New Dawn"]

So it’s FRIDAY!! It’s about noon and I’m all packed and ready to go. I’m

gonna head down and get my car here soon. I’m skipping me Math 150 class.

Oh well. What we’re doing isn’t that hard, and I’ve already got my assingment

done (yay for bordom before Soc class). Today in Soc we went over what would

be on the test. It’s going to hurt. But I’m going to spend most of Monday

studying for it. I hope that works out. We’ll see. Eh?

I’m off to home now and then to Adam’s of course. Laters all.