Author: Cj B

The Seach

Well, today’s been really long. I got up about 7:30 for some odd reason. I just woke up and couldn’t get back to sleep, so I got up. The showers were warm this morning which was nice. I went to breakfast and then came back to my room where I complided apache and some other random stuff. It’s nice having time in the morning to work on that kind of stuff. I went to classes about 10:30 and it’s been a pretty good day as to class work and such. I’ve been running the hell all over campus though. After my ComS 207 class I went out to Hawthorn to get an app thing to live out there next semester. Then I went back to Coover to class, then after that I had a doctors appointment so I had to go to the doctor. I got out of there about 3:30 and had half an hour before my next class started so I went to the library to get a copy of The Wall Street Journal but I couldn’t find the fucking thing in the periodicals section. So I went to my lab for ComS. It was a waste of time. She went over the same thing that he went over for the last two days. “How to use project Vincent.” All of which I already knew how to use in the first place. So it’s been a waste. So after that I went to the library and went an asked where The Wall Street Journal was, and I found out that they keep it behind the bloody counter. So yeah. I found it.

I got back here about 5:15 or so. And now I’m just here. I’ve got to do some MIS 330 work here soon, but I’m not in the mood to right now. I dunno. I should call my grandma, maybe I’ll do that after 7:00 so that I can use my cell phone and get my $30 a month worth out of it.

At the doctor today, she asked how I’d been feeling and I told her that my bf said, “You’ve been bitchy lately.” She got a good chuckle out of that one. She’s a funny lady. But yeah, she said that the meds I’m on will cause irritability, and also with the stress that I’ve been under lately with the whole car thing, she said it would probably be worse then normal. But after I’ve been on the meds for a couple more weeks that’ll go away. So that’s good.

I can’t wait tell this weekend. I’m going to use the rest of my film and it should be just a good weekend to hang out with Adam.

I Hate January

So it’s January 22nd, that horrid time of year again. Yep, that’s right. It’s my b-day and I’m 20 years old. I feel like a damn old fart again. lol. I hate b-day’s, especialy mine. And this year it seems as though it’s pissing me of even more then normal. Last night at the GLRC it pissed me off to. EVen though there wasn’t a GLRC meeting, but that’s beside the point, the whole lot of us went out to Java Joe’s. It came up that it was my b-day on the 22nd and yet not a single person said, “Oh, Happy B-day” Gwar. I did get a card from Adam and family which was nice. It was a really cute card. But it just really pissed me off, Mandy’s b-day we all did something. Adam’s B-day we all did something. But mine. Not a thing, Fuck it. I hate B-days.

Last night I did have fun though. Adam and I got to talk about things, we all got to go out, which we haven’t done in a while. And it was good times. Adam and were talknig though and we realized that we haven’t been going out at much as we used to, or at least it doesn’t seem like it. But in reality we have been going out as much as we always have. It’s just that we haven’t really had any thing to do the last couple weeks because of the whole holiday thing, and also with it being cold, there’s not as much to do at Java Joe’s and the like. But we decided that we’re going to go out “more” then we have been. We’ll see how it works out. But it should be good.

I couldn’t sleep at all last night and it really sucked. All kinds of random things kept going through my head, like finances, trying to find ways that Adam and I can live together in a year, or how I could get an apartment this summer. Just trying to get my life going in a direction that I want it too. Not that it’s not already, but I’m trying to figure out what I’m going to do over the next couple years while Adam and I are still in school. I dunno, last night was just a night of thinking.

I dunno. I just hope this week goes by fast so that I can see Adam this weekend. And I hope that his PU’s go out this weekend as well so that we can have some quality time together. And since he is grounded we’ll be able to hang out alot this weekend, unlike the small amount of time that we got this past weekend.

So I’m shopping on-line some, I really want to buy the QaF-US DVD set. It’d be fucking cool. 17 hours of show. I so want that show. But I just can’t afford it right now. I’m going to put myself on a very strict budget. I get $400 a month to spend, and from that I have to pay my car bill, cell phone bill and gas. Which should add up to about $360 or so. And then the extra $40 is spending money and anything over $400 goes into savings and stays there. Damnit. I’m going to have money for spring break and such. We will go on a roadtrip somewhere.

Oh, speaking of going palces though. My mom and Andy made a deal that if he gets on the honor roll they’re going to go to Florida over spring break. Now first. Why the hell didn’t I get this kind of stuff when I was on the honor roll. I was on the honor roll five semesters and I was on the presidents list for both semesters at DSU and I didn’t get jack squat extra. Hell I was lucky if they said good job or something and here they’re talking about taking him to Florida. What the fuck is up with that. Second, if they really do go through with this, then there’s going to be a party at my house over spring break. 😉

Ok, well here it is, like 4 hours after I started writing this update. I kept getting interupted. So yeah. I’m finally going to post, laters all.

Sucky Weekend

This weekend has sucked royal ass. Mostly because Adam’s been grounded but there’s alot of other reasons as well. Most of which I won’t get into in a public entry. But yeah, Friday I spent the night at Adam’s, Rob and Abbie were gone, but Melinda stayed home, it wasn’t that bad, but I was hoping to spend the night with Adam. We just stayed there and watched movies or something, I don’t remember what we did.

Saturday sucked as well. I was stuck home with my parents all day, until 10pm. It fucking sucked. I had to go out to supper with them as well. Gwar. I hate them. At 10 I went to Adam’s cause he had just got off work. Melinda and Abbie were gone, but Rob stayed home. What the fuck is up with that. I wanted to spend time with Adam, but they wouldn’t fucking leave this weekend. Gwar. Adam and I talked Saturday night about things. About how I felt that I could loose him any time. It’s better now, but I still feel that way. I don’t feel 100% in our relationship. I think it’s mostly because I lost him one other time. But I also feel that way because I he’s not romantic at all. When it comes time to leave at night, he’s like “bye, love you.” We kiss, he goes back inside. For me, I don’t want to leave, I hate leaving, I want to spend every waking moment with him, or talking to him. It kills me when I have to leave. Like tonight, when we were saying bye, I said, “I hate having to do this.” And he said, “We’re going to see each other tomorrow for fricks sake.” That’s not what I was wanting to hear. But then also earlier, we were talking about weather I should leave or not. I said that I think I will, because being around his family when they’re eating is wierd for me. I don’t feel like I should be there, unless they specifically invite me to stay. I just don’t feel right. I feel as though I’m intruding. But back to tonight, Adam and I went to the g-store to get they’re groceries. We were talking and I said that I think I’ll probably leave, he said that “Yeah, I’m tired and I have hw to do and I have to take a shower yet.” Again that’s not what I was wanting to hear. But I’m not trying to make Adam out to sound like an ass or anything. He did say that he didn’t want me to leave, but he also didn’t give off the aura that he wanted me to stay. But that’s a hole nother thing….

Also today we had my b-day thing here with my family. When I left here, there was still half the cake left. I came home 4 hours later, wanting some more of my cake. It was gone. I got one fucking piece of my cake. Fuckers. How can three people eat that much cake? I mean, we all had a piece earlier and I took a piece to Adam, and that was only half the fucking cake.

In general this weekend has sucked, birthdays bring out the worst in me. I hate them with a passion.

Ok, so I got into a little more detail then I wanted to in a public entry, but you know what. I don’t care. But I mean, in general. I feel that our relationship is going well. There’s just a few things that we both need to change, I need to be able to tell him what upsets me more, then just coming here and writing about it, and he, I feel needs to be more romantic, and show me that he really does care. But I’m also guilty of alot of other things. I’m not saying in the least that I’m perfect in any way. In fact, I’m probably causing more problems on my own then anything. I do take small things and take them out of porportion and it’s not like I mean to do it in any way. I’m edgy, I’m not sure that he really loves me the way that he sayd he does… How does one know? Really? I know how I feel for him, I know that when I leave his side, it’s like leaving a part of me. I know that when I look into his eyes, it make me so happy, I know that when he hugs me I feel as though I’m in the arms of a god, I know that when I see his name on my cell phone that my heart skips a beat because I’m so happy to talk to him. I know all this. I know that I really do love him, I love him for everything that he is, and who he is and I hope that in 9 years and 11 months we can be celebrating our 10 year anniversary and that we’ll be living together in Arizona. But there’s some things that we both have to change for that hope to work. And we are coming along the right path.

One Month

Today’s Adam and my one month anniversary. One month. It seems as though we’ve been together forever. Well in a way we have. The thing though is that today’s not going to have anything special, I can’t see him, we’re not going to be able to go out for supper, or eat together at all, we won’t be able to just sit around and talk about the last month, or the last six months. This sucks. It’s our annyversary, one month. This should be something special in my opinion, but it’s not. Tonight I’ll come home and talk to a box, an emotionless box. A boxy box, it’s not going to be Adam’s cute, rounded face, but just a gray and white box that beeps when ever he has something to say, it’s not his sweet voice that I love. It’s a beep. Today’s our month.

But it seems as though we’ve been together forever, this month would have been our six month had we stayed together the first time. But I’m glad that things have worked out the way that they did. We’ve become so much closer now then we ever were before, we’ve shared so much, we know that we’ve been through some bad times, and hopefully the worst times. We’ve seen each other in so many different lights.

Happy one month anniversary Adam.

I don’t understand people.

[ABBA, “Does Your Mother Know”]

So I was sitting in Coover this afternoon waiting for my class to start. The bathrooms on the first floor there are “Out of Order.” Hence a HUGE sign that says “Out Of Order.” So one would think that people would look at the sign and say, hmm. The bathroom must be out of order, therefore they can’t use it. Well in the 20 minutes I was sitting there, 4 people went into the bathroom, and used it. Crazy fucking people.

Other then that not much going on here. I’ve been really busy all day with some programming and shit in Perl. I’ve pretty much taught myself, so I’m happy. Classes today were good. I didn’t have to start tell 11, so that was really cool. I think the only one that I’ll have problems in is Bus Law. But eh. I should live through it.

I got my car scheduled to go into the shop today. I have to take it in Friday or Monday, and I should have it back in about 7 working days. So it’s good times. I love my Saturn.