Subject: (no subject)
Date: Sun, 6 Apr 2003 21:20:00 EDT
APLit and Comp.
Writingan entire paper about oneself at first seems to be such a simple task. Afterall, who knows myself better than me? However, as the beginnings of this paperbegan to take shape, I see that it is much harder to look at yourselfobjectively and tell the truth than I initially thought. I have enjoyed theexperience, though, of getting a chance to step back, look at myself, andrealize my values and how I view myself.
Myphysical characteristics are, I believe, the most difficult to explain. Findingthe right words to describe myself as I would like to be described has provento be a taxing endeavor. As I gaze at a picture of myself, I decide to justwrite exactly what I see. I see me: a young man of medium height and mediumbuild. Nearly jet-black hair arranged in orderly spikes is dispensed evenlyabout my head. My forehead contains two beauty marks, one above the righteyebrow, the other just under my hairline on the left side of my forehead. Mybushy eyebrows come next, and IâˆšÂ¢â€šÃ‡Â¨â€šÃ‘Â¢ve always felt that the bushiness adds a touchof character. There is a hole in the right brow through which a metal barbellhas been placed. My eyes are brown and commonplace, yet also achieve a depthand expression that is, in my opinion, unrivaled. Full and passionate lips areprobably the most striking feature on my face. They are cherry red, andconstantly chapped and scarredâˆšÂ¢â€šÃ‡Â¨â€šÃ„Ã¹I have a habit of picking off the outer layer ofskin whenever I get anxious or nervous. My ears are just the right size inproportion to the rest of me, and the left one contains two bumps: one on mycartilage, and the other on my earlobeâˆšÂ¢â€šÃ‡Â¨â€šÃ„Ã¹these are the remnants of formerpiercings. Probably my favorite feature on myself is something that isnâˆšÂ¢â€šÃ‡Â¨â€šÃ‘Â¢tvisibly seen by the naked eye. I have a tattoo down by my pelvic bone. It is ofa four-leaf clover. Being the impulsive and crazy guy that I am, the day Iturned 18, I was at the tattoo parlor getting it done. The tattoo, to me, addseven more depth to my character. When I look at the whole deal, IâˆšÂ¢â€šÃ‡Â¨â€šÃ‘Â¢d like tothink IâˆšÂ¢â€šÃ‡Â¨â€šÃ‘Â¢m a pretty handsome guy.
Iquestioned many friends during the course of writing this paper, in an attemptto find out if what I thought about myself was parallel to what my friendsthought of me. Nearly all of their answers matched up with what I believed, soI would say that I have a pretty good self-image of myself.
Iwould say that my distinguishing characteristic is my humor. I enjoy makingpeople laugh and seeing them have a good time. Humor to me comes naturally andI constantly tell stories with zeal and zestâˆšÂ¢â€šÃ‡Â¨â€šÃ„Ã¹nearly all of them are veryentertaining. Sometimes I tend to exaggerate what really happened, just a bit,for comedic effect. But I truly think that it isnâˆšÂ¢â€šÃ‡Â¨â€šÃ‘Â¢t a big deal; it adds to thestory and most of the time isnâˆšÂ¢â€šÃ‡Â¨â€šÃ‘Â¢t even that far of a stretch from what reallyhappened. My humor, I think, is sometimes a mask for me. I use it to mask mycynicism, my pains, my sorrows. It is sometimes easier to just laugh aboutsomething and make it into a funny story than to deal with it. This can lead meto repress things. When this happens, I often explode with anger aninappropriate times; usually it is directed towards someone who hasnâˆšÂ¢â€šÃ‡Â¨â€šÃ‘Â¢t evendone anythingâˆšÂ¢â€šÃ‡Â¨â€šÃ„Ã¹whoever happens to be there at the time will receive the brunt ofmy rage. At the same time, though, humor is also what keeps me going. I make itthrough my school days, I make it through work, I make it through speechpractice because of humor. I love to laugh. It makes me feel good and fuzzyinside. It also is a very good stress reliever to just laugh and laugh aboutabsolutely nothing, which I frequently do. I think I have a sense of humor thatis just slightly off kilter with everyone elseâˆšÂ¢â€šÃ‡Â¨â€šÃ‘Â¢s. While not a big deal, sometimesI will laugh uncontrollably at something that other people just roll their eyesat. One thing I do that no one else seems to enjoy, save just a select few ofmy friends, is quote things. I love Margaret Cho, the Queens of Comedy, andThe Simpsons. I think they are just the funniest things I have ever seen. Ican spend an entire night quoting them, much to the dismay of the people aroundme. I would have to say that my favorite quote is from Margaret ChoâˆšÂ¢â€šÃ‡Â¨â€šÃ‘Â¢s movie,IâˆšÂ¢â€šÃ‡Â¨â€šÃ‘Â¢m the One that I Want: The photographer kept saying, âˆšÂ¢â€šÃ‡Â¨Ã€ÃºCould you just twistso you have a waist? And stretch out your face so you donâˆšÂ¢â€šÃ‡Â¨â€šÃ‘Â¢t have a double chin,ok?âˆšÂ¢â€šÃ‡Â¨â€šÃ‘Â¢ twist, chin, Twist, Chin, TWIST, CHIN, AHHH! Tears filled up in my eyesand rolled down my face and the makeup artist came and powdered over it.
Onething about me that I feel makes me stand out around other people is myuniqueness and individuality. I feel that I am very different than most people.One of the reasons I feel this is because IâˆšÂ¢â€šÃ‡Â¨â€šÃ‘Â¢m gay. It may be fairly common in someplaces, but here in Waukee, it is practically unheard of. This circumstancesets me apart from most others. Another thing is that I am just wild, crazy,and adventurous. I am willing to try anything once. Occasionally, I do reallyrandom things. I donâˆšÂ¢â€šÃ‡Â¨â€šÃ‘Â¢t care what other people think; I just like to go out andhave a good time. For example, when Ginny Ray and I go shopping, sometimes shewill trip me and we will just fall to the ground as dramatically as possible,laughing the whole way. IâˆšÂ¢â€šÃ‡Â¨â€šÃ‘Â¢m just weird all around. I constantly have verystrange ideas, and I say the most random things. However, it is all just a partof my sense of humor. Me being random very often gets people to laugh, if notonly at the sheer randomness. And making people laugh makes me feel good aboutmyself, and makes others happy, so I feel that it is all a good thing.
Iam valorous and loyal. I try to always be the person who says, This isnâˆšÂ¢â€šÃ‡Â¨â€šÃ‘Â¢t theend of the world. We can make it through. I think I have been through somepretty tough stuff, and I have always come out on top. In the face of adversity, I steel myself,and am strong. I always hope that others follow my example, or are inspired byme. I donâˆšÂ¢â€šÃ‡Â¨â€šÃ‘Â¢t think anyone ever is, though. Loyalty is a trait that I value verymuch. I stay true to my friends, and I would expect that they do the same forme. I attempt to not betray my friends, though I have before, and more thanlikely it was unwittingly.
Withevery good, of course, comes bad. I have talked for two pages about my goodqualities, and why I think I am so great. I have just as much to say about myfaults.
Afault that can probably be gathered from this paper is the fact that I amconceited. I have a very high opinion of myself. I hold myself in higherregards than I do most other people. This does not include my friends ofcourseâˆšÂ¢â€šÃ‡Â¨â€šÃ„Ã¹people who I like I feel are on the same plane as me. However, peoplethat I dislike, I tend to think of as lower than I. Why I feel this way is amystery to me. I just think that I am a great guy, and deserving of goodthings. Along with this comes the fact that I am selfish and egocentric. In myworld, I come first, before anyone else. My happiness, my enjoyment, mypleasure must be in place before I think about anyone elseâˆšÂ¢â€šÃ‡Â¨â€šÃ‘Â¢s. For the mostpart, I lack the skills of sharing. I make sure that I get what I want. It isdefinitely a bad trait to have at times, but I feel that oneâˆšÂ¢â€šÃ‡Â¨â€šÃ‘Â¢s own happiness isof utmost importance. If a person spends their entire life just trying to makeother people happy, they are the ones who will end up downcast later in life.
Ihave not always been, but lately have become, very cynical. Like I said, it isusually masked with humor. I tend to look at the worst parts of a situation.For example, eating at McDonalds one day, after I had finished reading the bookFast Food Nation (an expose about the fast food industry), I spent the entiremeal complaining about how fast food is made, and how terrible it is and howhorrible our government must be to allow such things to exist. My friend Mike,who was with me, just looked over at me and said, Since when did you become sodamn cynical? I honestly donâˆšÂ¢â€šÃ‡Â¨â€šÃ‘Â¢t know when it started. I just suddenly startedthinking that there are so many problems in society that need to be fixedbefore we can live healthy, moral lives again. This makes me sound like a sad,melancholy person, who just sits home all day and broods over societyâˆšÂ¢â€šÃ‡Â¨â€šÃ‘Â¢sproblems. That clearly is not the truth. I donâˆšÂ¢â€šÃ‡Â¨â€šÃ‘Â¢t think about these things allthe time. I am very good at pushing things out of my mind and just pretendingthey donâˆšÂ¢â€šÃ‡Â¨â€šÃ‘Â¢t exist. So while I am cynical, it doesnâˆšÂ¢â€šÃ‡Â¨â€šÃ‘Â¢t show very often. However,there are rare occasions, such as the McDonalds incident, where I just canâˆšÂ¢â€šÃ‡Â¨â€šÃ‘Â¢tstop discussing the worldsâˆšÂ¢â€šÃ‡Â¨â€šÃ‘Â¢ puzzles. At the same time that I say this, I ambeing hypocritical, which is another one of my downfalls. I donâˆšÂ¢â€šÃ‡Â¨â€šÃ‘Â¢t think mymorals are as high as the social âˆšÂ¢â€šÃ‡Â¨Ã€ÃºnormsâˆšÂ¢â€šÃ‡Â¨â€šÃ‘Â¢, though they are higher than manypeople that I know. This is mainly because I feel that life is for living, andthat IâˆšÂ¢â€šÃ‡Â¨â€šÃ‘Â¢m not going to waste my time worrying about if what IâˆšÂ¢â€šÃ‡Â¨â€šÃ‘Â¢m doing is rightor not. I will do what I want, when I want, and how I want to. If people haveproblems with it, they can get over it. My life is for me, not for anyone else.
Thatstatement is hypocritical in itself. What I consider to be my biggest fault isthat I am sensitive. I let things get to me too easily. One person saying onemean thing to me can ruin my day. Many of my friends complain that they canâˆšÂ¢â€šÃ‡Â¨â€šÃ‘Â¢tjoke with me because I take everything too seriously. In that kind ofsituation, I find it hard to tell when a person is joking or not. This causesme much distress sometimes. I do not enjoy being ridiculed. Occasionally, whenit is by close friends and not in excess, it is ok. But oftentimes, I justwonder why my friends would be mean to me. I donâˆšÂ¢â€šÃ‡Â¨â€šÃ‘Â¢t understand why I canâˆšÂ¢â€šÃ‡Â¨â€šÃ‘Â¢t justrealize the fact that they are joking. Especially because IâˆšÂ¢â€šÃ‡Â¨â€šÃ‘Â¢ll do the samething back to them, and expect them to just be fine with it. I am attempting totoughen up and work on this, and so far, I have had some success. I just tryto dismiss it as a joke, and strive to not let it bother me.
Onemore thing, and this probably bothers people the most, about me is that I amultra melodramatic. I tend to blow things way out of proportion, sometimes forno real reason. Often times, it is because I really feel that the situationwarrants the attention I give it. Many people just think IâˆšÂ¢â€šÃ‡Â¨â€šÃ‘Â¢m dramatic bynature. I guess there are several situations that I see as very big crises, andothers see as just a small inconvenience. Part of the reason I do this is toadd at least a little variety to life. Living here in Iowa can get quite boringat times, so I feel the need to spice up my own life with some good old drama.
Despitethese faults that I find in myself, I still believe I am a good guy. Everyonehas good in them, though sometimes it takes a bit more effort to unearth. Ihave big plans for the rest of my life. My immediate longing was to livesomewhere other than Iowa. This is finally going to happen. Next year, I willbe attending Chapman University, a small private school in Orange, California,just thirty miles south of Los Angeles. I plan to study law, and am consideringa career in entertainment law; however, this is tentative and will probablychange many times before I finally decide what I want to do with my life.Whatever I do, I know that I want to make a success of myself, and I want tomake my family proud. I want to have at least one positive impact on the livesof the people who know me and on the world as a whole. I think I have a lotgoing for me. The future seems bright.
Thereis a song by Pink Floyd (my favorite band) that sums up how I feel aboutmyself, my life, and my future. It is called Learning to Fly. It is about aman who, as the title implies, wishes to learn to fly. He says, My soleintention is learning to fly. Condition grounded, but determined to try. CanâˆšÂ¢â€šÃ‡Â¨â€šÃ‘Â¢tkeep my eyes from the circling skies. Tongue-tied and twisted, just anearthbound misfit. I feel that at the end of high school, I really am learningto fly. I will be spreading my wings in a new state, with new people, and neweverything. I hope to one day see my shadow fly, out of the corner of mywatering eye. I will be able to start my new life, be who I want to be,experience life to the fullest, and for the first time, live.