Tag: Mac

Aug 09, 2001

Aug 9, [Guns N’ Roses, "Used To Love Her"]

OMG, tonight’s been really great. There’s just so much that I want to talk

about. Ok well I’ll start at the beging. I left here about 6:30 or so cause

I had to go to my bank before it closed, so I went over to Hy-Vee and did

my banking shit and stuff and then went over and returned Adam’s phone to

him, cause he left it here. Then I had to go to Wal-Mart to get something.

But when I got there I couldn’t remember what it was, so I decided to go

see if Julian was working, which he was, so that was cool. We talked for

a bit, but I didn’t really get a chance to talk to him to much cause he

was pretty busy. I left there about 7:30 or so cause I had to meet Angie

and Adam at Hy-Vee at 8. On my way out I walked past the Pharmacy area and

I remembered what I had to get. So I got it, and went back to Hy-Vee. I

hung around there while they closed and we were also waiting for Vero and

Mandy to get there. Once they got there, Adam and I went back to his house

so he could change, and while we were waiting for the rest of the group

to get there we chatted a bit about things. It was nice to have some time

with him even though we didn’t talk about things involving us.

Once everyone showed up at Adam’s we all went to the Chat Noir. I’d never

been there so I was really excited about going there. WE had a great time

there and we all just hung out and talked about random things. Really good

times there. After we were done there we headed back to Ankeny cause Angie

had to be home. We dropped her off there and Vero wanted to go home to,

so she took us back to Adam’s where my car was.

After she left Adam, Mandy, and I went to the park there in the court thing.

And we just talked about anything and everything. It was really good to

talk to Adam about us and our relationship having Mandy there cause she

acted as kinda a moderator and helped out with the conversation. It was

good to have her there. We even talked about what happened that Saturday,

and Mandy got details. lol. That was funny as hell. But I was giving alot

of details about what happened and from my perspective of things, but Adams

wasn’t giving to much information about his perspective of things, and that’s

what I was wanting, I wanted to know what he was thinking during what happened.

Overall though it was realy good converstaion and I’m glad that we had it.

Adam said tonight that he wouldn’t mind having a "Freind with benifits."

That kinda sparked my ears, cause I’d enjoy that. Not like alot of benifits,

but being able to still cuddle with him and that kinda stuff. I know that

"Friend with benifits" will probably never be me. But I liked

knowing that he’d like having one. lol.

There’s still alot we need to talk about, but things are getting better,

and he knows alot more about how I feel now. I think things really will

get better.

There’s so much more that I want to say, but I just can’t get it into workds

right now. It’s really annoying when that happens.

July 25, 2001

July 25, [S Club 7, "I Really Miss You"]

Gay boys and teenage girls have this much in common: both take a long time

to get ready to go out, and both love going to malls.

In fact, malls have become the convergence point of modern America: brightly

lit and often discounted melting pots of commerce, cash machines, and culture.

So imagine my surprise at my local mall recently, in suburban Des Moines,

when I saw two 16-year-old boys walking around holding hands. Picking my

jaw up off the floor, I looked around for a camera, thinking there must

be a movie filming. But there was no camera. This was real life.

I shadowed them for a time, thinking they were, by example, making fun

of gay people. But no – as I watched them move in and out of The Gap and

Structure, I could tell the handholding was genuine, and I was awestruck

at the simple act.

They were not alone, but were part of a group of teenagers, mixed male

and female, including at least one obvious heterosexual pairing. They all

laughed together, walked around together, made fun of each other, and shared

both a common voice and common ground. It was a remarkable and moving sight,

and one that I did not expect to see.

Wasn’t it just a few years ago that Matthew Shepard was tied to a fence

post? And isn’t this the generation that is making Eminem a vastly popular

hate-monger?

So many questions ran though my head: Was this an anomaly? Could it be

some extended social science class project? Or have we been Will & Graced

enough to break though some of the last barriers that separate the gay community

from the straight community? Are incoming High School students now so comfortable

being who they are that they will feel no need to politicize themselves

for the cause? Is it simpler to "just do it" than to debate it

forever?

There were other eyes following my two young men around the mall as well,

especially those of older, married couples who did double takes [and in

some cases , triple takes[ at the sight of two 16-year-olds boys doing no

more, or less, then they were doing themselves. I walked slowly and listened

to some of the comments. They were not all positive, yet they were not all

negative either. Said one sixty-ish woman to her husband, "It’s just

like your brother. Let them be happy."

Some people shook their heads as they walked by, while other stiffened

and refused to look at all, but their eyes betrayed them. You could tell

then had noticed and were unnerved by the sight. The boys themselves seemed

oblivious to the ruckus they were causing by just holding hands, feeding

each other ice cream at D.Q., or by holding up a leather jacket to one another

to share opinions on it’s style.

I wondered if they faced persecution by anyone at their school, or if they

surrounded themselves with this small group of friends who understand and

are supportive. How do other boys react? Do their parents know their children

are having a profound impact on people who cross their paths? And do these

boys know what they may have to face in their future by being so completely

honest in the present?

We hear how cool it is to be gay in high school these days, but in fact

thiswas the first conclusive evidence I had seen to support that urban legend.

Maybe it is true. I hope it is.

I lost the group somewhere near Sam Goody, where a sign announced that

MTV was sponsoring a yearlong examination of hate crimes, urging their viewers’

acceptance of other races, religions, and preferences. And it occurred to

me as I stood there in the mall, that we are at a pivotal moment in out

times when a media outlet aimed at youth had the foresight to promote tolerance,

and young people respond with simpler acts of kindness and affection for

one another.

Having been around more teenagers in the last year then I had been for

a few years had been quite enlightening for me, and in mostly a positive

way. For some time I’ve been an advocate of the idea that the current generation

of 16-year-olds is set to take a big step toward compassion for all lifestyles.

Although we aren’t completely there yet, I’m happy to see that those steps

have been taken out of a conceptual stage and into the malls of middle America-possibly.

The most unlikely yet brilliant common battlefield of all.

-Thomas Long

June 1, 2001 #1

June 1, [amber, "flying above the clouds"] OMG OMG OMG OMG OMG

OMG OMG, my mom left a message on the answering machine today saying "

Why don’t you leave your advocate and XY magazines downstairs in my sewing

room so that andy won’t stumble into them and you won’t have to have them

at camp.” holy fucking shit. well i guess that letter won’t be as hard as

i though it would be to mail. huh?

May 26, 2001

may 26, [robbin black, "more effeminate then you"] i really hate

shoping with my mom and brother. we had a list of things to do right. it should

have taken, maybe two hours. so we left, i was driving, i needed to get some

personal things so i was like, lets go to walmart cause it was on the way

to where we needed to get the other stuff. so we went there, and first my

mom bitched about my driving all the way there. and then we went in and i

was like, ok i only need a few things from the pharmacy area, so we don’t

need a cart or anything, so we get over there and my brother was like, oh

well i need this and that, and my mom was like oh well i need this and that.

so i had to go get a cart. needless to say we ended up spending an hour and

a half there and spent $128. i was so pissed. cause my mom was like, we don’t

need to go to wal-mart we can go to kmart or somewhere like that. but i wanted

to go to walmart cause i knew where everything was and i also wanted to say

hi to julian and see his hair cut, lol. by the way, it looks really good.

well ok we left there and my mom was like "I’m going to drive" so

i let her drive which really annoys me too cause she drives her truck like

it’s a damn semi and if she would just drive it like a truck, we’d get to

places a whole hell of alot faster and she wouldn’t get as pissed off at other

people driving. ok so then we went somewhere else. and she was looking at

getting my dad a $4000 grill and i was like, if you’re even looking at getting

him that don’t bitch at me about my college funding any more. and she was

like "well i haven’t said a word about it" and that just really

pissed me off cause they’re saying now that i’m going to have to pay for my

own apartment and shit, and later in the day she was looking at buying a $6000

piano and a $500 gitaur. and i was like, ok if you’re even _thinking_ about

looking at this shit then don’t go saying you can’t afford my college education.

then we went to mcdonalds and she was bitching at me cause i said i didn’t

know what i wanted and i would tell her once we got up to the sign thingy.

and we got there, and i told her, then we sat there for like 5 minutes waiting

for her and my brother to figure out what they wanted. and it’s like damnit,

you make things so dman fucking difficult when it’s damn simple just pic someting

and eat it. so i don’t remember how it came up excatly but i said "i’m

pissy becuase you people make thyings so damn difficult" which they do,

and she’s like "YOU PEOPLE" and i just wanted to yell at her and

say "YES YOU PEOPLE. you aren’t my family or my parents or my mom or

my dad, you’r YOU POPLE. cause that’s what you’ve been fucking acting like"

but i didn’t i just let it drop. so here we are back at hme. 5 hours after

we left and we only got a couple things done, we didn’t get my shoes like

i needed, we didn’t get my camel bak like i needed, we didn’t get any groceries

like we needed, we didn’t get _most_ of the stuff on the list done. and that

just really pisses me off cause i only have one pair of shoes now and she’s

been saying we would go get the camel bak for weeks now, but she always comes

up with some damn excuse not to go get it. on a completely differnet note,

i talked to danny last night, that was really really nice to hear his voice

again. it was really funy calling though cause he ust gave me the 800 number

and the code for his calling card and i called him, but the only number that

he had for the card was in spanish so i had to figure that out, but he toldme mostly how it worked, so that was funny shit. he thinks that i should ask

julian out on a date too, lol. i dunno. he really want’s me to be dating people,

but i don’t really want to, not yet. cause i mean it’d only be for the summer

cause ya know, i’m moving in aug. and with camp and shit i couldn’t have a

meaningful relationship with anyone. but i wouldn’t mind a few dates withsomeone

as long as they understood that it wouldn’t really go anywhere, lol yeah whatever.

oh i also put up the article about steven cozza that i have, it’s here.

just check out the files called Steven Cozza Page *.jpg there’s 8 pages and

it’s worth the time it takes to download them, sorry about the huge files,

but they were 21 megs each, so you should be happy that they are only 300k

or so now.

May 4, 2001

may 4, I’M DONE WITH CLASSES. FINALLY. it appears though that my roomie is

going to skip his last day of classes. he’s still in bed. where’s ben since

9:30 last night, i mean comon i sleep alot but even i don’t sleep that much.

he’s actually got a job now on tues, thurs. so he’s been sleeping a normal

schedule, which has been better, but it’s getting kinda annoying cause he’s

been going to bed earlier then me lately. lol. god i can’t beleive i’m done

with classes. the PU’s should be here tomorrow sometime, i dunno when exatly.

but yeah. i gotta get up early to get my laundry and shit done before they

get here, and also before everyone else gets up and gets theirs in there.

the week before finals it always seems that the laundry machines really kick

up thier usage, lol. nathan and i have been talking alot lately, pretty much

about nothing. computers and that kind of shit, i want to talk to him about

other stuff but he always changes the topic when i bring something else up.

i dunno, i’m going to his house sometime, i’ll corner him and make him talk

to me. i have this thing, everyone knows i do, i want to know what everyone

else is doing. lol. ok this is weird, i just checked my pages hits for yesterday

and today, well i had someone from BYU at my page, and also someone from bard

college in NY. odd. and what’s even weirder is that they are direct hits,

not linked from somewhere. so they must know me, but i don’t know anyone from

either of those areas. oddness. and plus you’d think that byu people wouldn’t

be able to get to the internet. you know, to much coruption. lol.