Chris' Site

Sometimes i just don’t get things. nope, i just don’t

get it. yeah so in this class we have, yeah, it’s american govbernment. and

the teacher guy is fucking nuts. he’s doing like this simulation, and he hasn’t

really explained anything yet. it’s all screwed up. he’s like, ok get into

your parties and figrure out who’s on what committees, then get into your

committees and then figure out who’s your leader, and then go talk to so and

so and tell them when you want to present your bill. and then he LEAVES, just

leaves, and doesn’t come back for the rest of the time, WTF? he just left

us all there. so yeah, i think we all got it figured out, but who knows. so

i have to give my bill on the 8th of feb. so we’ll see how that goes, lol.

and you know what else, i just wish i was more spontanteous, i want to call

danny so bad, and you know i dial like all the digits, except the last one,

i just can’t bring myself to dial that last digit. i just can’t dail that

last number. damnit, i want to talk to him so bad. i haven’t seen him since

sunday when he called :'( and he claims to have changed his number, so i don’t

even know if that’s thier # anymore. damnit. why won’t he tell me, why won’t

he open up to me. i know, i know. it’s an internet relationship, but still

talking to him means alot to me. having him there, knowing that i can tell

him stuff. just seeing him on-line is enough for me, i’ve never really been

able to open up to people, like i can with him. people here don’t know me,

people at home don’t know me, people in my family don’t know me, people in

scouting don’t know me. only he had even come close to seeing the REAL me.

and he’s just so detatched, i just don’t get it. i wrote him a letter the

other day, i think it was pertty damn good. here, i’ll put it here so in many

years i remember what i wrote: Sometimes, you just don’t

want to know what someone is thinking, other times you wish they would say

more. tell you more of what they are thinking. Other times, you just wish,

whis they were there, so you can see what they are thinking, what they are

doing. How thier life is going. What’s hurting them, what makes them happy,

what makes them cry, what makes them laugh. Sometimes you just wish they would

say hi, so you know how thier day was going, so you can hear them, you can

tell alot from one’s voice, from one’s words. Sometimes…….. Sometimes

you wish they would tell you everything, sometimes, you wish the person you

love most, would tell you what they are thinking, what makes them cry, what

makes them laugh, what makes thier day what it is. Sometimes. Not sometimes,

all the time, all the time i wish the person i loved would tell me what they

were thinking, all the time, i wish they would tell me what makes them happy,

what makes them cry, yes. all the time, i love that person, i want to know

what they are thinking, what makes them happy, what makes them cry, what makes

thier day what it is, what makes thier life what it is. I want to know…….

Because I Love you. so yeah, you think it’s good? i thought it was

damn good, but i haven’t heard anything back from him about it. why doesn’t

he reply to e-mails? fuck, i’m 🙁 now. i know i don’t love him the way i can

love someone, truely, but i do love him in the sense that he’s there, that

he’s someone that i can talk to, someone that i can say stuff to without feeling

like a fool, someone i can talk to about personal stuff. i think that if we

met in real life, we would either get along REALLY well, or just totaly hate

each other, i know we are total opposities, but i think that’s what i’m looking

for, is someone that will get me out, someone that will get me to use my energy,

instead of just sitting here thinking so much, and i think (notivce the word

THINK) that he’s looking for someone to bring him down, someone to get him

to sit more, instead of being out so much. i think he’s realizing who he is.

and that his freinds are really “jock, assholes” (his words). and

that he want’s to seperate himself from that somewhat. but i don’t know. maybe

i’m just making generalizations. ok well enough babbling about him. i’m going

to go make some phone calls.

People are so fucking rude. you know that. RUDE MOTHER

FUCKERS. yeah, so i wasn’t feeling to good last night, so i went to bed at

like 9 or so. then my roomie came in with a bunch of his freinds and were

all loud and shit, so i was like fine DAMNIT. so i watched some tv tell they

left, then i tried going to sleep again, but some mother fucker upstaris decided

they wanted to play backetball in their fucking room, so they were like bouncing

this fucking ball tell about 1 am. and it was REALLY fucking loud. so i didn’t

get to sleep tell really late. and then i had to get up early to fucking hell

go to class and shit. bastards. that’s the problem with having most of my

classes on Tues, Thurs. is that most other people don’t have any classes on

these days, they are all MWF classes. so they stay up late M and W nights.

assholes. o well. tonight had better be quiet. well i haven’t talked to danny

since sunday morning when he called (12:02 am his time). it was so cool when

he called. i love his voice it’s so soft and sweet. but yeah, not much going

on here. so hmm, i don’t know. what should i do.

WOW, i lived through christmas break, and what a ton

to talk about. well i guess i shall start where the last left off, eh? well

on sat the 23rd we went to my uncles house and had christmas there, that really

sucked ass. pam was there the fucking bitch. it just plain sucked, i don’t

want to get into that. and then on sunday we had part of our christmas, i

really hate the holidays, they just plain suck, i can’t be who I AM. i have

to be someone else. and i hate it. i have decided that if i ever find someone

to live my life with, we won’t be at my families very much for the holidays,

my cousin and i have been talking about it some lately too. so yeah. but christmas

itself just really sucked to. you know i hate the whole gift giving shit,

but yeah, well i gave y Pu’s a ist of fairly simple things, k, well they only

fucking got me one thing oiff the list, and i was like, damnit. if you’re

going to ask for a list get shit that i want off the list, not other shit

that i have no use for, k. bastards. o well, i got my coat, that’s all i really

wanted anyhow, other then to be with danny, but we all know that wouldn’t

have happened. but yeah, then i spent the week’s at my G&G’s which was

ok, i got the whole bed to my self and shit, and didn’t ahve to put up with

the sibling, or the PU’s, but dannydidn’t call me while i was down there,

he said he was in NY. which i believe, so that means he wouldn’t

have had access to a phone, but i’m still asd that he didn’t call. well then

i got back home, and xak had a party at his house, which was pretty fun. yeah.

hehe, it was fun. and then i spent a week at home, going insane and shit.

and working at the HS. i had somefun there. but yeah, i’m going to stop now,

i could go on for hours about shit that happened, but i won’t cause i’m going

to go read this mag i got, it’s XY’s latest, it’s FILLED with cool stories.

Dec 21 well i’m all done with finals and shit now, yeah. yesterday

my last final was canceled so i left about noon to come home cause they were

daying really bad weather today and fri. So i left but not after a hole shit

load of problems, first i couldn’t find the damn ra to check me out, and then

i went out to get my fuking car and i had a flat ass tire damn it. FUCKING CAR. but i got that fixed fucking froze my ass off though, i needed danny

to keep me warm. but yeah and then i drove home and i took i29 then i80 wich

was a really good thing, but still the dreiving on i29 was pretty bad, the

roads were fine it’s just that there was mostly white out condintions the

WHOLE fucking way. but then once i hit i680 towards des moines the roads were

fine and i was doing between 80 and 85 until i hit des moines then the roads

started getting bad again so i slowed it down, i got home last night just

after 7 or so, yucky, i so didn’t want to come home. I’m sad too cause i haven’t

seen danny all fucking week, i want to know whati’s up, 🙁 i miss him. o well

hopefully i’ll get to see him tomorrow. well not much else going on here,

other then that i DON’T WANT TO BE HERE. so i’m going to go sit in the hot

tub. bubye. OK so today has really sucked ass. I’ve realized why i hate this

house so much. my family is just a bunch of rude ass holes. every single one

of them. the fuckers. so it’s story time, eh kiddies. Well before i left for

college i packed all the shit i didn’t want my little bitch brother messing

with, k. well i came home over t-day and saw that he had been through it and

shit, but i didn’t have time to find out what he had stolen, so i just bitched

him out and told my PU’s about it. what do you think they did? NOTHING. the

bastards, if i fucking put one godamn foot in my brothers room i get my fiucking

head chewed off, but when he fucking GOES TROUGH ME STUFF STEALING THINGS,

they do fucking nothing. and this has been going on for FUCKING YEARS. fucking

YEARS. damn it. I’m pissed. so then i come home this week and see that’s he’s

been trough it again, so i start looking round and see what all he’s stolen,

well guess how much fuckin shit he’s stolen? ALMOST EVERY GODDAMN THING I

OWN. and what do you think my PU’s did? NOTHING AGAIN FUCKING NOTHING. the

bastards goddamnit it’s my FUCKING stuff. so yeah tomorrow he doesn’t have

school so he’s gonna fucking get a beating. yeah in case you hadn’t noticed

i have a shitty ass relationshiop with my family, if my dad fucking opens

his mouth i just want to fukcing scream at him. they are all so fucking unfair.

FUCKING UNFAIR. you know i find out that andy’s getting a brand fucking new

computer because he’s on the honor roll, well god damnit i was on the honor

roll every fucking semester every fucking year, WHERE THE FUCK IS MY COMPUTER?

i had to begg for parts to get my first computer in my room and that was jsut

about two years ago now, and it was a 486, he’s getting a brand FUCKING new

computer. damnit, does this sounds fucking fair? i hate siblings, damn it.

i just want the fuck out of this damn family, i want to be as far away from

them as i can get. i want to be with danny. never to see these ass holes again.

and yuou know it’s not the begining of it, all this shit has been going on

for ever, and it’s not just little things either damn it. it’s everything,

andy’s got ADD so he doens’t understand, my FUCKING ass he doesn’t understand.

if he doesn’t understand then i don’t fucking take it up the arse. and it’s

like fucking everytyhing they do this with, like when i was his age, i didn’t

even have a fucking TV in my room, but you know what he has a BRAND NEW 21″

tv, you know i got my first tv in my room when i was 16 and it was a little

13″ used one. and if i spent more then 30 minutes a day watching it they

took it away from me, you know andy fucking comes home, goes to his room watchs

tv, comes down to eat then spends the rest of the night in his room watching

tv. and he never fucking turns the thing off, it’s on all the damn time. and

he always records things all damn day long. you know if i left my tv on i

would have it taken away, if i left my Bed room light on they would take it

away from me too. but him he always fucking leaves everything in his room

on. like tonight i walked past there and he had his light, TV, fan, radio,

and scanner on. if i left those things on and i wasn’t in my room i would

come back to find them GONE. and he doesn’t just do it once in a while it’s

all the FUCKING TIME. ARG. and damn it i haven’t talked to danny all fucking

week, i miss him so much 🙁 i hope he’s on tomorrow so i can talk to him.

i really do love him with all my heart and i would love to be with him, to

have him here, and hold close on our couch. well i’m going to go now, i wish

the roads weren’t so bad, i’d go out. but then fucking suck, so i’m going

to go over to my other computer and wonder round the internet for a while.