Jan 28, 2001

ya know, usually i don’t think when i write these. i

just sit down and type what’s on my mind, just what ever my fingers say. But

yesterday, danny was reading these. and i went back and started readig some

of them. ya know i think i obses a bit much, don’t i? well i just wanted to

write this and say i’m sorry if i ever offend or scare anyone here. it’s just

what’s on my mind. danny i truly do love you, even though it’s not in a way

that most peope love, the fact i can’t see you, or have enver seen a picture

of you. but i love who you are. your voice, your personality, everything i

know so far about you. but my life is messed up i guess, i’ve been depressed

alot of my life, ya know, most of my friends from back home would know i used

to be really athletic, i was in about every sport when i was younger. but

something happened when i was 12, and just dropped everything my grades slipped,

the fun in my life, it all just left. i hate my life. Something else though.

when i was younger i used to spend most of the summer out side withouta shirt

on, no suntan lotion, i used to get really nice tans, but i haven’t had a

good tan for years now, because i rarly take my shirt off when i’m out side.

The reason is becuase i have three very large moles on my back, one of them

is three different colors. i think it might be skin cancer. and it’s not just

on my back i have oddly shaped moles all over my arms ad stuff too. they have

been there for a coupleyears now. and i’ve just never really cared what they

were. i just leave them alone, and hope to god that they aren’t cancer. i’ve

never had a doctor look at them, my PU’s have never seen them, no one knows they are there, but me. that’s why i always go swimming late at night, that’s

why i haven’t been in the mitigwa pool since the summer of ’96. I’ve never

really cared if i die from them, because my life has been nothing to me so

far. it’s been shitty, i hated my life in HS and so far i’ve hated my life

in college. although it is a bit better.

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