A True Post

Well, I really wanted to make a really funny joke about this being post number 1111, and it being all true! But, I wasted post #1111 on a private entry, so we’ll just pretend that this is post #1111, and that this post is all true.

(Now, you’ll only get that if you’re a programer, :-P)

Last night sucked. Lots of crying, and such. I tried calling Beak to talk about it about 10:00 or so. Left a message and the hoe never called me back. So I just went to bed about 11. Missed both the Gilmore Girls and what I hear to have been a really funny episode of Queer Eye. Very annoying.

Today has been going a tab bit better. But not by much. And it just got 100 times worse. I’m very very cranky.

Got up this morning and had an e-card. It was very sweet. And made me smile. Went to campus, and tried to work out at the rec, but just didn’t have the energy to do as such. Then went to class and worked out a bit there, but still didn’t really put my all into it.

After that it was back home. Changed into my suit and went back to campus to pick up my recommendation letter from John Boehm. He wrote some really good stuff about me. It was very nice and touching. So that was good. Came to work, and we got the Xserve. That was the highlight of my day so far… Well minus the E-card, that really was the hightlight of my day.

Talked to Andrew for a while online, and looked at the Vegas pictures. They made me cry. I miss him so much.

Got an e-mail from my other faculty and went and picked up the recomendation letter from her. I didn’t get to read her’s. 🙁 I hope she wrote good things.

I must now go turn in my app tomorrow and everyone hope that I get accepted!! ::crosses fingers::

Career fair after that. Which was a COMPLETE waste of my time. God it’s so annoying. I talked to like 15-20 companies and only TWO, count them on ONE HAND… TWO! Companies took my resume, everyone else was just like, “Put it on our website.”

If that’s all that I HAD to do then why the hell did I WASTE the $24 that I lost by not working to go to that god damn thing. WHY? Back when I first went EVERY company that I talked to took your paper resume. Now no one does. Very very annoying and a complete waste of my time. I hated it.

Now I’m back at work, and Andrew’s in the shower. I’m waiting for him to get back so we can talk a bit more.

Ok, he’s back, so I’m going to break. Laters

I Won’t

“I won’t apologize for the way I am. I won’t apologize for being who I am, and I won’t apologize if people like that.
I’m selfish. Always have been…. I put my happiness first, and I’m sorry if others don’t think that way.

My thought pattern is that MY happiness comes first b/c in my world, I matter most. I am happy now. I haven’t been happy in a LONG time. I haven’t had someone care about me in even longer.
And it’s nice. “

So, where’d that Andrew go? Do what you want to do, put your happiness first.

In the words of an evil Corp…Just do it.

Confusion

BlackC 2004: Shouldn’t you have an away message up?
Auto response from BlackC 2004: I’m Idle

BlackC 2004: I’m sorry about everything. I hope that you have a great night watching Gilmore Girls.
BlackC 2004: You’ll have to tell me exactly what happened since I had to miss it.
BlackC 2004: … I miss you too. ::hugs:: Don’t feel bad, do what you want.
BlackC 2004 signed off at 9:02:22 PM.

What the fuck am I supposed to do?
1. I love Chris and care for him very very much.
2. I want to date someone else before I commit to him.
3. I do not want my dating someone else to affect his thoughts about me. I want him to still care about me, b/c I will still care about him.
4. I wish this wasn’t so fucking hard b/c I don’t know what to do.
I want to date someone else, but that will hurt Chris and I don’t want to hurt him but I want to date someone else, which hurts him, which is osmething I don’t want to do. And thus, the cycle continues.
I just want to be sure….

An E-Card.

You’ll never know
how much
your smile lights up the room
or your laughter fills my soul,
making all the little problems of the day disappear.

You’ll never know
how much it means to me
when you do or say something
thoughtful and totally unexpected –
usually just at the moment I need it most.

You’ll never know
how much pride I hold in my heart
for the person you are and the things you do –
for your strength and your gentleness,
your courage and your determination,
your accomplishments and your dreams.

You’ll never know
how much I need you by my side –
in the best of times and the worst of times
and all the times in between.
It really doesn’t matter where we are
or what we’re doing,
as long as we’re together to share it all.
I love you with all my heart and soul.

You’ll never know how much.

You really do mean a lot to me, Topher man. Nothing can change that… not time, not distance, and not somebody else. Please remember that and always keep it in your heart. I miss you terribly.
Love,
Drew Bear

Gilmore Girls

I just missed the whole premiere of Gilmore Girls and I’m very annoyed by that. Did anyone happen to get it on tape and want to let me watch it?

I’m also very annoyed that my whole life keeps going in circles.

As I’ve said before, it’d be better if things were black and white. And I knew what I was supposed to think about things.

Test today, it was easy. Test Thursday, should be hard. I need to study for it.

Career fair tomorrow. I’m going to look hot. Though I haven’t yet decided what shirt I should wear. Does purple go with Orange? I think it looks pretty good. But I can’t tell for sure.

Laters.