Category: Not Published

come away with me in the night
come away with me and I will write you a song
come away with me on your bus
come away where they can’t tend to us with thier lies
and I wanna walk with you on a cloudy day
in fields where the yellow grass grows knee high
so wont you try to come, come away with me
and we’ll kiss on a mountaintop
come away with me and I’ll never stop loving you
I want to wake up with the rain falling on a tendril
while I’m safe there in your arms
so all I ask is for you to come away with me in the night
come away with me.

The strands in your eyes that color them wonderful
Stop me and steal my breath
And emeralds from mountains thrust towards the sky
Never revealing their depth

And Tell me that we belong together
Dress it up with the trappings of love
I’ll be captivated, I’ll hang from your lips
Instead of the gallows of heartache that hang from above

And I’ll be your cryin’ shoulder
I’ll be loves suicide
And I’ll be better when I’m older
I’ll be the greatest fan of your life

And rain falls angry on the tin roof
As we lie awake in my bed
And you’re my survival, you’re my living proof
My love is alive and not dead

And tell me that we belong together
Dress it up with the trappings of love
I’ll be captivated, I’ll hang from your lips
Instead of the gallows of heartache that hang from above

And I’ll be your cryin’ shoulder
I’ll be loves suicide
And I’ll be better when I’m older
I’ll be the greatest fan of your life

And I dropped out, I burned up, I fought my way back from the dead
I’m tuned in, I turned on, remembered the thing that you said

And I’ll be your cryin’ shoulder
I’ll be loves suicide
And I’ll be better when I’m older
I’ll be the greatest fan of your

I’ll be your cryin’ shoulder
I’ll be loves suicide
And I’ll be better when I’m older
I’ll be the greatest fan of your life

The greatest fan of your life

So I’m pretty proud of myself for going out this last weekend… I mean going out with someone who I’ve never met before is usually totally out of who I am. It’s really not something that I would ever do. I plus, as Andrew said last night, me hugging people who I’ve never met before is really not me. I think that I’ve come along ways over the last 8 months to a year, and I think that I have Andrew to thank for most of that. I really think that he’s helped my self-esteam quite a bit and he’s helped me to really get out there and do some crazy shit.

Well, as crazy as shit gets in my life. I’m so happy right now in life though, I’ve got a great boyfriend, who I just lived with wonderfully for a whole month. Which if you ask me is a HUGE accomplishment all in itself. I really am very happy in our relationship. Even though we are so far apart, I think that it makes me realize how wonderful he is.

Everytime he comes back, it’s like rediscovering why I love him so much, why we put up with so much over the time that we’re apart, to stay together. And not take the easy way out of… Just taking a break.

Being away from him has made me stronger and more sure of myself, it’s made me happier in our relationship and helped me to realize that I can get through some really tough things. This semester though is going to be our greatest challenge of them all so far though. With the longest stretch of being away from each other we’ve yet to have. More then 60 days. But if we can make it, I have strong hopes that that means we can make it through so much more.

I’m a little scared though as to what will happen when he goes to study abroad. I know it’s only time before that happens, and I hope that we can work things out to make the best of it.

I’m happy in my life now, and it’s getting even better gradually. My social life is expanding for the first time in years, into friends who I’ve made on my own for once, instead of just hanging out with my bf and his friends. I’ve got people that I know want to make out with me, or get with me, and I get to tease them because I’m taken. And knowing that people find me that attractive is just such a great thing for me. Now I just have to keep with my promise to myself to have visible pecs by the time I go to Mexico. 😀

I really miss my baby really badly, and I wish that he could have been here for this last weekend. He would have been so proud of me, I think. Because of the things that I went out and did. 🙂

I love you Drew Bear!! ::hugs::

Ok, well I guess so sum everything up that this post is going to say, is that I’m a little horny right now, and really want Andrew to come back so satisfy things. I think the thing that’s really causing it is that we never really got a really good time to make love while he was here, another thing is that going from being able to do something pretty much whenever we wanted to, and being able to kiss/makeout every day, to nothing is really hard.

I think another thing that’s also adding to it, is that recently I’ve really been wanting to expand my list of people who I’ve made out with/done stuff with. I dunno what’s really brought this on, but everytime I hear of Andrew’s past experiences, of even think about them, it makes me mad. Not at him for having those, or doing them, but because I never really got the chance to do anything like that. And the last couple days with him being gone, and having people hit on me, it’s been like. I want to make out with you.

But the biggest thing that I wanted to write about, is how horrible I feel for even HAVING these feelings. I have a WONDERFUL boyfriend, who is so cute, and so wonderful. And just such a great guy that I feel so horrible about having feelings of wanting to make out with/do things with someone else.

We talked about it the other day, and Andrew says that he understands, and has said that it’d “be alright” if I made out with someone else. And that makes me feel really bad that he’d say that. I don’t really know why it makes me feel bad, well. I guess it does because in the first place, I should never have to talk to him about that. But secondly, I feel as though there may be other motives that he’s wanting here.

I feel as though him giving me “permission”, I would have to give him the same permission. Which would thus cause jealousy and so many other problems. Like on one level, I kinda want an open relationship, since we are so far apart and stuff. And this isn’t a new feeling, but even more so is that even if we DID have an open relationship, that would cause HUGE amounts of problems. And my moralness I wouldn’t be able to do stuff with anyone even if we did have an open relationship, because I would still feel like I would be cheating on him.

Another thing has been that I’ve been feeling really… I dunno… Just I’ve really wanted to top lately, and I think that’s one reason why I didn’t really let Andrew top me much when he was here. Because I REALLY want to do that again. And I’d like to make love to him and have that chance to give him those pleasures, but I totally understand why he doesn’t want to give that up yet, and it really makes me respect him a lot more. It makes it so much easier to “forget” all those random hook-ups he’s had because of the fact that he’s so adamant about keeping his virginity for that one person who he’s going to spend the rest of his life with.

But all at the same time, I also want to be able to do that. I guess it’s why I had really wanted to do a 3-some when he was here. But again, I didn’t because we had such a short time together, that I didn’t want the possiblity of any drama with that. Like there was with me and Adam when we did threesomes. So much drama there!

And also, I really enjoy them, so I think that who ever I do spend my life with will have to get used to them, and enjoy them just as I do. Because I think those are something that will be a part of my life for a while.

I guess in short, I want something that I can’t have, but I don’t really want it in the first place, and I feel bad about wanting something that I don’t really want.

So I hope that this isn’t really bad for anyone who reads it, and I hope you (Andrew) don’t take anything wrong. If you do, please call me! I love you so much, this is a just a memory dump…