Well I finally asked him.
JonJon’s my bf. Though I dunno how long that will last.
I’m already annoyed. He went to long beach and said he would call me when he got home. It’s 2:30am and he hasn’t called yet. We’ll see what happens with him.
That night I layed in bed crying because I thought I missed Andrew. But I guess I don’tknow. Now I feel like I don’t really.
What to do!
Laters all.
Well… Things with JonJon have officially come to and end tonight. Even before they were officially started.
I bought him a boy scout shirt… I was going to ask him to be my boy that day. But that stupid Matt got in the way. And then he did again.
We went to dinner tonight and had agreat time. I gave him the shirt and he said thanks and was all excited, he kissed me on the cheak. It was cute. We went to the party. I had a great time.
Though when I left. I had a feeling that something was going to go down that was bad.
And something did.
He made out with Matt and some other guy.
So yeah. As we all know about my feelings with this sort of thing.
Everythings done with between he and I. Even before anything oficial could have been started.
But, that still doesn’t mean things between Andrew and I can be started again. We’ll have to wait and see what happens.
JonJon and I have been on the phone for the last couple hours… Since midnight.. 4.5 hours. He keeps saying that he just doesn’t want to see me at all, and all this stuff. I really don’t want to do that.
Well. Laters all.
So, the Scout Shirt…
I told JonJon that I bought him a Scout Shirt. Which I did have full intentions of buying him one. But come to find out that Matt had already bought him one. 🙁 That for some reason really hurt me and made me feel really bad.
I reallly wanted it to be something special, because I knew he had wanted one and I had connections to get him one and all that shit and I was planning on getting him one.
But anyways. He seemed a bit upset when I told him that I wasn’t going to let him have it.
But I think that I’ll still get it for him. Though, I’m going to just put it in his car or something. lol. We’ll see what happens.
I also dropped hints that I want to consider him my bf. We’ll see what comes of that as well.
Even if we did, it won’t last long, because I’m eager to get back with Andrew.
Laters all.
Umm, so tonight was another night of speaking to JonJon on the phone for hours. It was very strange the fact that we talked for that long yet again. I dunno what to think about there.
Though, tonight I was a bit annoyed because pretty much the whole time I could hardly understand what he was saying.
Anyways. The real point of this update is to talk about what some of the thing he said. I guess that Jenny O one of his managers at ON said something about how we’re pratically boyfriends just without the title. And it’s so totally true. But I just don’t know if I could handle having JonJon as a boyfriend persay. As I’ve said before.
At this point, I really don’t WANT a boyfriend. I just want to have some sexual expereinces in my life. Like I’ve told Andrew and I want nothing more. But JonJon totally wants osmething more and I just don’t know what to say or do about that.
I really like JonJon and I like our relationship as it is. Being practically boyfriends, having sex and having fun. It’s not like i’m going to go out and fuck anyone and everyone out there.
Also he said that he gets impatient. I really hope that he doesn’t mean he’s putting things off with someone else by waiting on me. Because I really don’t want him to wait for me. I’m really no good for him and I don’t want him waiting around for me. But whatever. Who knows what’s going on.
JonJon!
Laters all.
I feel as though I’m getting a little bit too attached to JonJon latelly.
Last night we spent like a good 45 minutes talking on the phone, wich was really good. There are very few people I can talk on the phone with for that amount of time, and even fewer people I can talk to and enjoy it for that amoutnt of time.
This morning he came over and slept with me, and that was really nice. I enjoyed laying in bed kissing him and holding him. It made me happy.
Though, I feel I’m becoming a bit too attached to him, like Saturday night I got way mad at him for kissing all the girls on the neck and paying so much attention to his ex-Matt. And I know I shouldn’t be, but it bothers me. I dunno why, well I do. It’s cause I like him.
Then tonight he wasn’t even drunk and he was laying on girls lap, who was laying in matts lap and they were both licking her neck, again it bothered me.
I hate that this bothers me because it’s not like he’s mine to be jeleous over. You know.
But at the same level I kinda want him to be mine to be jeleous over. And then I don’t, because things like today happen, and it makes me annoyed, and I know that if he did that and we were classified as bf’s I would get insanely mad at him.
I just don’t know what I want. I really enjoy the relationship that he and I have now…. Whatever it may be classified as.
Laters all.
Edit://
(12:43:01 AM) Cj: I just feel dumb.
(12:43:09 AM) JonJon Sydow: i dont see a reason to feel dumb
(12:43:20 AM) JonJon Sydow: ever now and again i get jealous that yer always with andrew
(12:43:31 AM) JonJon Sydow: but i’m no one special
(12:43:38 AM) JonJon Sydow: no one u should be jealous over
(12:43:43 AM) JonJon Sydow: i have nothing good to offer
(12:43:52 AM) Cj: But I am…That means something.
(12:44:34 AM) JonJon Sydow: (((hugs)))
(12:44:44 AM) Cj: thanks. ::hugs:: back.
(12:45:48 AM) Cj: Bah
(12:46:08 AM) JonJon Sydow: i dunno! i’m confused about things too to be honest with u
(12:47:38 AM) Cj: What are your feeling?
(12:47:40 AM) Cj: s*
(12:48:06 AM) JonJon Sydow: i really like u
(12:48:14 AM) JonJon Sydow: and want so badly to just be with u
(12:48:23 AM) JonJon Sydow: but at the same time i know there are things that i do that u hate
(12:48:35 AM) JonJon Sydow: but honestly thats me… and most likely those things wont be changing soon
(12:48:56 AM) JonJon Sydow: i get around my friends and we’re just always sexual… it doesnt mean anything its just how we are with each other
(12:49:06 AM) Cj: Yeah…but see. Even with those things… I still really like you. Which is what’s confusing me.
(12:49:53 AM) JonJon Sydow: and to be honest, even tho matt is my ex i still care for him.. not in the same way that it was when we were dating but to be truthful its different then “just friends” even tho he probably doesnt see me in that way
(12:50:11 AM) Cj: I know, that’s what you’ve said about the sexual thing. And honestly, I think what bothers me most is that you pay complete attention to them, and never make out with me!
(12:50:20 AM) JonJon Sydow: i’m always afraid i’ll end up doing something that is going to upset u or chase u away
(12:50:38 AM) JonJon Sydow: i
(12:50:44 AM) JonJon Sydow: i’m sorry
(12:50:51 AM) JonJon Sydow: i never mean to make u feel left out
(12:51:46 AM) Cj: It’s ok… You don’t make me feel left out, except for when you’re making out with everyone but me… In fact, it makes me happy that all the other times it seems like you go out of your way to include me… .And that makes me feel special.
(12:52:34 AM) JonJon Sydow: but i never want it to seem like yer being left out
(12:53:24 AM) JonJon Sydow: and the making out with them i would never do it like that with u
(12:53:28 AM) JonJon Sydow: i dunno… its just different
(12:53:33 AM) JonJon Sydow: i dont know how to explain it
(12:54:12 AM) Cj: You don’t make out with me, just to make out with me?
(12:54:18 AM) JonJon Sydow: but when i make out with u i just feel comfortable in more private situations.. smaller groups because.. its more intimate
(12:54:25 AM) Cj: Yeah
(12:54:44 AM) JonJon Sydow: to me kissing u is something special
(12:56:12 AM) Cj: And it’s the same for me.
(12:56:35 AM) JonJon Sydow: i’ve always been weird when it comes to public displays off affection
(12:56:50 AM) JonJon Sydow: which to me is different then just licking yer friends ear or playing with her boobs
(12:57:23 AM) Cj: Yeah… It is different.
We had another long talk tonight. It was nice.