I feel as though I’m getting a little bit too attached to JonJon latelly.
Last night we spent like a good 45 minutes talking on the phone, wich was really good. There are very few people I can talk on the phone with for that amount of time, and even fewer people I can talk to and enjoy it for that amoutnt of time.
This morning he came over and slept with me, and that was really nice. I enjoyed laying in bed kissing him and holding him. It made me happy.
Though, I feel I’m becoming a bit too attached to him, like Saturday night I got way mad at him for kissing all the girls on the neck and paying so much attention to his ex-Matt. And I know I shouldn’t be, but it bothers me. I dunno why, well I do. It’s cause I like him.
Then tonight he wasn’t even drunk and he was laying on girls lap, who was laying in matts lap and they were both licking her neck, again it bothered me.
I hate that this bothers me because it’s not like he’s mine to be jeleous over. You know.
But at the same level I kinda want him to be mine to be jeleous over. And then I don’t, because things like today happen, and it makes me annoyed, and I know that if he did that and we were classified as bf’s I would get insanely mad at him.
I just don’t know what I want. I really enjoy the relationship that he and I have now…. Whatever it may be classified as.
(12:43:01 AM) Cj: I just feel dumb.
(12:43:09 AM) JonJon Sydow: i dont see a reason to feel dumb
(12:43:20 AM) JonJon Sydow: ever now and again i get jealous that yer always with andrew
(12:43:31 AM) JonJon Sydow: but i’m no one special
(12:43:38 AM) JonJon Sydow: no one u should be jealous over
(12:43:43 AM) JonJon Sydow: i have nothing good to offer
(12:43:52 AM) Cj: But I am…That means something.
(12:44:34 AM) JonJon Sydow: (((hugs)))
(12:44:44 AM) Cj: thanks. ::hugs:: back.
(12:45:48 AM) Cj: Bah
(12:46:08 AM) JonJon Sydow: i dunno! i’m confused about things too to be honest with u
(12:47:38 AM) Cj: What are your feeling?
(12:47:40 AM) Cj: s*
(12:48:06 AM) JonJon Sydow: i really like u
(12:48:14 AM) JonJon Sydow: and want so badly to just be with u
(12:48:23 AM) JonJon Sydow: but at the same time i know there are things that i do that u hate
(12:48:35 AM) JonJon Sydow: but honestly thats me… and most likely those things wont be changing soon
(12:48:56 AM) JonJon Sydow: i get around my friends and we’re just always sexual… it doesnt mean anything its just how we are with each other
(12:49:06 AM) Cj: Yeah…but see. Even with those things… I still really like you. Which is what’s confusing me.
(12:49:53 AM) JonJon Sydow: and to be honest, even tho matt is my ex i still care for him.. not in the same way that it was when we were dating but to be truthful its different then “just friends” even tho he probably doesnt see me in that way
(12:50:11 AM) Cj: I know, that’s what you’ve said about the sexual thing. And honestly, I think what bothers me most is that you pay complete attention to them, and never make out with me!
(12:50:20 AM) JonJon Sydow: i’m always afraid i’ll end up doing something that is going to upset u or chase u away
(12:50:38 AM) JonJon Sydow: i
(12:50:44 AM) JonJon Sydow: i’m sorry
(12:50:51 AM) JonJon Sydow: i never mean to make u feel left out
(12:51:46 AM) Cj: It’s ok… You don’t make me feel left out, except for when you’re making out with everyone but me… In fact, it makes me happy that all the other times it seems like you go out of your way to include me… .And that makes me feel special.
(12:52:34 AM) JonJon Sydow: but i never want it to seem like yer being left out
(12:53:24 AM) JonJon Sydow: and the making out with them i would never do it like that with u
(12:53:28 AM) JonJon Sydow: i dunno… its just different
(12:53:33 AM) JonJon Sydow: i dont know how to explain it
(12:54:12 AM) Cj: You don’t make out with me, just to make out with me?
(12:54:18 AM) JonJon Sydow: but when i make out with u i just feel comfortable in more private situations.. smaller groups because.. its more intimate
(12:54:25 AM) Cj: Yeah
(12:54:44 AM) JonJon Sydow: to me kissing u is something special
(12:56:12 AM) Cj: And it’s the same for me.
(12:56:35 AM) JonJon Sydow: i’ve always been weird when it comes to public displays off affection
(12:56:50 AM) JonJon Sydow: which to me is different then just licking yer friends ear or playing with her boobs
(12:57:23 AM) Cj: Yeah… It is different.
We had another long talk tonight. It was nice.