Category: Not Published

So it’s been a really long time since I’ve written a private entry. I shoud have done a lot more of them over the last 4 months of my relationship with JonJon. There’s a lot that this journal missed.

But alas, that part of my life is now over. We’ll continue to be friends.

I felt so bad about doing it to him. I really do love him, and he’s a great person. I cried thinking about having to break up with him. I cried while I was going it, and I cried after… I’m even getting teary writing this. I really didn’t think it’d be this hard.

He seems to be taking it pretty well though. So that’s good. I hope that he doesn’t hate me. I hope that we can continue to be friends. I really do.

I just feel really bad about doing it to him. Hopefully he will find someone better then me, someone who won’t try and force him to stop smoking, and someone who can talk to him about the things he really likes.

Anyways, just wanted to update my life about that.

laters all.

JonJon let me top him today…

It was great! 🙂

I think he’s planning some romantic get away here in Nov. Strange, but it’ll be nice.

I like him a lot more then I should. This all was supposed to just be a cuddle buddy/fuck while being broken up with andrew, but it hasn’t stayed that way.

Though, when I say that I love him. I mean it. 😀

That’s all. Night!

JonJon told me he loved me today…

I dunno what to do. I’m scare of hurting him.

I don’t want to hurt him.

I think JonJon is going to tell me he loves me…. Or maybe that he’s falling in love with me. I don’t know what to do.

He sent me a txt tonight that said…”And I kinda think I have something to tell u later to that i’m really hoping isnt too early for u to hear”… What else could that be?

I’m just not sure what I should do about that situation. I was really hoping to get a chance to talk to him this weekend about that because i’ve been getting a feeling that that might be happening. I was hoping to talk to him while I was drunk. I had it all planned out. Drink a little hang out at my house and talk about it all.

I was going to tell him that I loved him as a friend and that things were going great in our relationship, but I just didn’t feel anything much stronger then a friendship with him because of his smoking and financial situation. Which honestly is a big hold up. He’s a GREAT person and I could honestly have a great relationship with him. If it weren’t for those two things. I honestly could.

He’s so wonderful, and he’s so much fun to hang out with, and hes responsive. Though sometimes I get annoyed because it seems like he doesn’t want to hear about my days and such. But he’s really great and I really do like him….

But only as a friend.

I’m going to give it some more time. But we’ll see where that goes to. I do know that I told him how much I hated his smoking last night while I was drunk.

Anyways, laters all.

So my aunt tonight said, “Cali sure has changed you”.

Yeah, we were talking about things, and she was like, yeah you don’t need to settle down yet, and stuff and blah blah. And I was like, that’s true. So she agreed with me.

And things with JonJon are going good. Though I wish there were a few things he’d change cause then he’d be like a really perfect bf. Namely his inability to manage money and his smoking and drinking. But yeah, other then that he’s really great.

Things with Andrew however aren’t that great. He wants to go on a date this weekend, which I’m not kean on, but I’ve agreed to it on Friday. We’ll see how that goes.

Tonight I was very annoyed though when Andrew called 4 times while JonJon and I were laying in bed. Very annoyed about it. I think that JonJon was a bit annoyed about it, along with when I talk to Andrew and stuff. Which it’s sad that he does.

I feel that I might have to break up with him soon… I dunno when, but sooner rather then later like I was planning on doing. I’d really like to keep this going as long as it should, because he’s a great bf.