Category: Not Published

I feel so stupid (1)

5:39:40 PM bnett84: hey i got an invite to sit on his lap…haha

5:39:57 PM blackc2004: and you’ll probably use it too, but you won’t use mine.

5:40:09 PM bnett84: i can never spend the night

5:40:21 PM blackc2004: never ever

5:40:31 PM blackc2004: ?

5:41:07 PM bnett84: i can, just havent been able to

5:42:36 PM blackc2004: i wish you could

5:42:55 PM bnett84: for breakfast?

5:43:06 PM bnett84: so you can make me breakfast i mean

5:43:22 PM blackc2004: lots of reasons

5:43:33 PM bnett84: you just want my cock…haha

5:43:36 PM blackc2004: no

5:43:42 PM blackc2004: if i wanted that i’d have had it already

5:43:53 PM bnett84: haha

5:44:11 PM blackc2004: tis true

5:44:26 PM blackc2004: , no?

5:44:57 PM bnett84: yea

5:45:33 PM blackc2004: if austin wanted it could he have it.

5:45:47 PM bnett84: wanted what?

5:45:52 PM blackc2004: what are we talking about?

5:45:59 PM bnett84: not right away

5:46:13 PM blackc2004: but he could get it?

5:46:24 PM bnett84: yes with requirements

5:46:29 PM blackc2004: what requirements

5:46:36 PM bnett84: commitment

5:46:42 PM blackc2004: are you just mocking me now

5:46:44 PM bnett84: trust

5:46:57 PM bnett84: not really

5:47:01 PM blackc2004: not really?

5:47:19 PM bnett84: i would need time

5:47:30 PM bnett84: i dont know what the requirements would be

5:47:45 PM bnett84: I was telling him tonight that i can see my old b/f in his pictures

5:47:54 PM blackc2004: oh?

5:48:35 PM blackc2004: how so?

5:48:39 PM bnett84: it is weird

5:49:16 PM bnett84: the one you sent me where he is wearing the yellow shirt, i can totally see him there

5:49:27 PM blackc2004: ah

5:49:31 PM blackc2004: do you like him already?

5:49:40 PM bnett84: not yet

5:50:18 PM bnett84: i am sort of debating getting to like him because of my whole ex thing

5:50:38 PM blackc2004: oh.

5:50:43 PM bnett84: but then again it may be good, i dont know

5:51:00 PM bnett84: thats why i am happy and sad and sort of depressed

5:51:38 PM blackc2004: Ahh, happy and sad because he reminds you about him?

5:51:44 PM bnett84: yea

5:51:50 PM blackc2004: what bout the rest of it?

5:52:15 PM bnett84: depressed because i cant have him back

5:52:20 PM bnett84: i will never see him again

5:52:29 PM blackc2004: yeah.. what about the loving part?

5:52:51 PM bnett84: that has nothing to do with him or you

5:53:02 PM blackc2004: what does it have to do with then?

5:53:30 PM bnett84: just me and Jimmy

5:53:35 PM blackc2004: what about?

5:53:42 PM bnett84: our fight today

5:54:01 PM bnett84: i wish it didnt happen

5:54:13 PM bnett84: he wont even answer the phone when i call him

5:54:23 PM blackc2004: aww, that sucks. how’s he know it’s u?

5:54:45 PM bnett84: Caller ID i call from his mothers house in his room where he has his own number

5:54:58 PM blackc2004: oh, why don’t you use your calling card?

5:55:09 PM bnett84: those minutes are for you

5:55:21 PM blackc2004: use them for him. he’s more important then i am.

5:55:34 PM blackc2004: fix your friendship and get it off your chest, it will make you feel better

5:56:04 PM bnett84: i know, but anyways babe, i have to get going now…i may be online tomorrow but not until after 5 or so

5:56:20 PM blackc2004: please call him, do it for me, eh?

5:56:23 PM blackc2004: have a good night

5:56:33 PM bnett84: you too talk to you later babe::hugs::

5:56:39 PM blackc2004: bubybe

The whole time I wanted to ask.. “What about me”.

And I really wanted to say. “If you really wanted to, you would find a way”

ICU

Well, I just got news that Blake is in ICU.

Jimmy says that he stopped breathing last night in his sleep.

I had a feeling last night that I should have gone home Friday like I wanted too… At least then I could have driven up to the hospital and seen him.

:'( I really hope he gets better soon.

I told Jimmy to give him a midnight kiss for me. haha.

Blake’s Visit

Wow, so last night was great, and yet now I’m so depressed.

I’ve been so excited for Blake to come for the last week! I had it all planned out, have dinner about ready, have a nice fire going and candles lit. I had presents for him.

He told me he’d be there between 6 and 6:30, yet at 5:30 there was a knock on my door. So I go and answer it and there he is! I was so happy. 🙂

He came in and we talked for a while, then I cooked dinner and we ate. Then we watched “But I’m a Cheerleader”… Well, we didn’t really watch it too much. We spent most of it cuddling and kissing. It was so amazing to hold him and kiss him again! He’s so beautiful!

After the movie he complained about the couch being too small, so we moved into the bedroom and spent the rest of the night in there kissing and cuddling and talking. It was just so great to have someone I care about around again.

I really wish I could see him every weekend, or every day! Or something more then just the once a month we’ve been getting for the alst two months!

I also got him to tell me about this big secret he has… Which honestly, I was expecting more! He just said that he wished he could see me more. Him and Jimmy both made it up to be so much bigger.. I had a feeling he was holding back what it really was. lol.. But At least he did admit that he did miss me… I really miss him a lot.

He had to leave at 9:00 which was sad… I walked him out to his car and I was a little annoyed by the fact that he was so scared to even hug infront of anyone! I’ll change that! lol.

Anyways, we hugged one last time, and I wanted to give him a kiss but since he was so scared about hugging I didn’t think it was right… I also wanted to tell him how much I care about him, but I chickened out at the last minute.

And then I got back to my apartment and instantly remembered that I had presents for him and forgot to give them to him!

I already really miss him and am looking forward to the next time we can hang out… whenever that may be. 🙁

One last thing though is that I wish he’d be more open with me about how he’s feeling, what he’s doing and all that stuff…

Blake’s a Party Animal

So… I guess that Jimmy’s mom is out of town for the weekend… Blake’s been spending 99% of his time over there…

To me, this is like a perfect opurtunity for me to come up and visit him there… he even spent the night over there last night!

Oh well.. i guess it’s understandable that he wants to just spend it with his friends.

Just makes me sad. 🙁