Off to Miami!

This week has been incredibly boring!

BORING!

Both at work and in my personal life.

Last weekend, I went up to Bishop. Drove up Friday night and got stuck in horrible traffic. I left at 2pm and yet traffic was insane. I have no idea. Took the G35 this time because I didn’t want to drive the Bronco alone.

Got up there, found a place to camp, sat out and read for a while and then went to bed. Woke up early Saturday, did about 6 hours of climbing, went into town, did some random stuff, went to Manzanar, thought about David.

Texted David. Asked why I was sent to “friends only” land. He said “I keep people at a distance when I first meet them, plus I can’t be in a relationship right now”. Then the whole, nothing personal, you’re really cool guy, don’t want to lose touch. Blah blah blah.

So I got depressed and went home.

Spent Sunday working on the Bronco. Since then we’ve texted, etc. I asked him if I could call one night, no reply. But he replied to another question in the same text. Ugh.

Like I said, this week has been insanely boring. Went to see “You Again” with eric chad ho. It was an ok movie. I’d suggest waiting for the netflix streaming.

Last night went climbing with Peter. Did some pretty good stuff.

That’s about it. Headed to Miami today…

Davey

Another post about Davey….. :'(

The problem with things like this. Morgan, Constantine, David…. Is that it takes a week or so for it to really hit. A week of them ignoring you, not replying to your txts. A week of everything being different. Not talking to them every day, wondering what they’ve been up to. Wanting to call or text and just say “HEY! What’s up!”. Longing to hear their voice, hear about their day, just talk and chat and laugh again with them.

I was supposed to be busy all day on Saturday. I purposely made it that way. I wanted to keep myself busy all weekend. Instead, everyone cancelled on me and I spent the day sitting at home, being sad, watching TV and wanting to talk to him. I txted him. “I really miss you”….

No reply.

I thought about him all day. Wondering what he was doing, where he was, wanting to just chat and ask him what went wrong. What’s wrong with me that he doesn’t want anything, what’s wrong with him that he’s passing someone like me up!

I talked to Leo, he’s got a bf now. I talked to Michael, he’s got a bf now. I talked to Denny, my hookup, he doesn’t want to hang out because he’s “starting to get attached”. What’s wrong with being attached to me!

Why is it so hard for me to get a fucking BF! I try so hard. I put so much effort into David, into Morgan, into Constantine. Why can’t I keep them around. Am I boring? Am I a bitch? Am I not cute enough?!

I was really spoiled by my second BF, Andrew. Everytime something like this happens, I am just hoping that they’ll fly here to see me. Come and knock on my door to say, “I love you”. But it never happens….

I’m so fucking sick of being single. I’m so sick of just hooking up. I just want to cuddle with someone all night. I want to kiss them, come up behind them when we’re out and just give them a hug. Lay on the couch and watch TV. Go to the beach and watch the sunset together, cook dinner together. I want to do all those lame ass fucking romantic things, but yet no one fucking wants to be with me!

Fuck!

FUCK!

Today I just want to cry… I’ve wanted to cry all week, but I couldn’t. I’m a cold bitch…. Today, I can. I’m to that point. I just don’t get it.

We had such a great fucking time together, we chatted, we laughed, we cooked dinner, we made fire, we camped, we climbed, we bonded!

He hates me

I’m so fucking sick of this shit. Where is MY guy. The guy that will LOVE me back the way that I want to love them. The guy that will actually realize what it means when I treat them the way I do.

THE GUY, MY GUY!

Please Register

Hi everyone.

I’m sorry to say that I feel like it’s time to make this a semi-private blog. So if you’d like to continue reading go ahead and register.

Everything is still here and once you register you will have the access to read all the private entries that I am writing and continue to read about my OVERLY exciting life! 🙂

Thanks to everyone who cares enough to read!

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Clark Canyon and Davey

What a trip!

Heading back in time to Thursday. I worked late, had to pick up David from the airport. So I came in at noon and worked til 9:30. Apparently Matt has been leaving early by an hour or two each day. So I was pretty pissed about that and his general lack of ability to keep notes, etc. So I was going to write him up. Then his car got hit by a fork lift and he was throwing very bad language around at Andy and other GLC people. Which is just unacceptable. He and I had some words. Apparently I made him cry.

Went over to the airport and picked up David… I was so happy to see him! He was so cute and he was so excited to be in LA! It was great. I didn’t know if I should hug him or not at the airport, so I didn’t. Just hello and off to the car. We stopped at In N Out for dinner and chatted there.

Drove about 2 hours north to Ridgecrest area. I wanted to sleep at Robbers Roost, but I couldn’t find the entry to it. So we just pulled off the side of the road and went to bed. The drive up there we chatted pretty much the whole way. It was really great to talk to him again. I could already feel the weight on my heart.

Got up early Friday morning and drove north. Got to Bishop around 10 and ate a quick brunch at Schatts then drove to Mammoth to meet up with Connor. Found him at the camp site. The site was amazing and so pretty!

The three of us drove up to the climbing area and found an area with a bunch of 5.7-9’s that were all four or five star climbs. Did all those and decided that would be the perfect place to bring everyone the next morning.

Once we were done with that we had about 2 hours before dinner so we went off to the hot tubs. Got a little lost trying to find them so ended up with only about an hour before dinner. Found a tub that had 4 guys in it, three of them were just getting out so we stopped. The guy that was left, gave us one of the best stories of the trip..

He was a crazy local… I’ll let Connor explain:

As Friday drew to a close, and since the three of us constituted “the group” thus far, we decided that visiting one of the hot spring tubs would be an excellent pre-dinner activity. So we headed out and checked in, via text of course, on all of the converging Bottoms and Flashers. Dinner was to be at 7:30 in Mammoth Lakes. Now 6:30, we were racing to squeeze in our hot dip. We arrived at one of the tubs in a grassy field a few miles from the Mammoth Airport. There were 4 men in the tub, and 3 were getting out. So we jumped in and started chatting with the one remaining man. He had long hair, and wore a old cowboy hat. He identified as a “local” although he also said that his camper was just over the hill.

The scene couldn’t have been more picturesque: there were a few large bull wondering around in the amber fields as the orange sunlight beaming down on the vast landscape was cut in half by the towering mountains to the west.

The local started to tell us about how he was camping on an indian burial ground. He knew this because he had spent the day digging a hole for his second-hand recliner to nestle. And he told us about his “friends” that put on a show for him after kicking back in said recliner. One was black, one was white, and all the women were “hussies”. The black one and the white one got in fights often, but the white one always seemed to win. “The white won had all the power, naturally,” he said. We all shot a look at each other as if to say, “We’re not in the city anymore.” The local saw this non-verbal communication and qualified his statement, “I’m talking about cows, of course.” We all laughed.

When asked what the local does for work, he rambled off about “unlimited funds” and “giving back to the world.” Which I think meant not much more than, “I have a nice truck, possibly because I won the lottery” and “I sit in this hot tub and act like a crazy hippie.” He then insisted us on “showing us” by taking us on a spiritual journey that was supposed to help us live in the moment. It was so silent that for the first time that I began to hear the Enya-like music coming from his truck, as if on cue. Chris and David looked scared, and I decided to provoke the hippie by reaching out and grabbing his extended hand. He told us all to “reach in, close your eyes, and feel your ass.” I think Chris was about to reach for his because, the hippie qualified, “feel your ass against the tub… your legs warmed by the water… etc etc.” It was actually quite fun to think about all of the things he listed from the wind that seemed to gust almost at his will, and the sunlight on our faces. But at the same time, we all knew this guy was crazy and we had to get to dinner. So I told him we had to leave and asked him his name. “I have many.” So I asked for his favorite. “Spirit wind” he replied. I almost cried trying not to laugh.

We got some awesome laughs after that… Headed into dinner and the rest of the crew showed up. Great times!

Got up Friday morning and again hit up Area 13, climbing, etc. Lots of awesome laughs, fun times, and what not. The climbing was pretty typical, the story here is David…

The whole weekend he spent so much time around me, so much time talking to me, we bonded, told stories, joked, spent something like 20 hours together of JUST HIM AND ME without any other group around. And even WHEN the group was around he spent most of his time just around me hanging out. The last night around the camp fire he kept standing RIGHT next to me, arms almost touching, etc. Yet he doesn’t want anything, he’s “taking a break from men”. UGH. I had such an amazing time with him this past weekend, so happy when he was around and it felt so great.

I just don’t get why he doesn’t want anything! I even met some of his family this weekend, which was AWK! I just wanted to hold him, cuddle with him at night, walk up behind him and put my arms around him. On the drive back, I just wanted to reach over and hold his hand. He’s such an amazing person. So smart, so cute, so funny.

I know a lot of other people don’t really see that side of him, he is very shy, but once you get to know him, he’s a great guy.

I also don’t get why he’s still not completely out to his family. His parents know he said they were ok with it. But example his family here in Cali, he wasn’t out to them. They LIVE IN BURBANK! It’s a pretty GAY area. I’m sure they’d be fine with it. He also wouldn’t go into why he’s not out which was annoying.

Also apparently he’d been “sort of dating this guy jesse” in dallas. But apparently that guy has some one else now. So WTF.

It just drives me nuts.

I can’t wait for John to get back so that I can get my mind off David. John at least SHOWS that he has an interest in me. I just wish he were STAYING back instead of just visiting for a month!

Check out the HC blog for more from Connor on the trip.

Bronco is Back.. And I’m Pissed

So this past weekend was both tons of fun and a total let down! UGH!

So Friday night I went climbing, goods times. Didn’t do a lot, but it was still nice.

Saturday I got up super early and drove up to Malibu to go climbing with the gang. Eric, Rex and Elsie came. She brought some hot new guy. He was straight! 🙁 But totally awesome, into canyoneering, trad climbing, etc. I hope he and I can hang out and do some trad! Awesome!

Did some great climbs. Led a few, cleaned a few, etc. Had to leave early because I had a company picnic to go to. Drover over to that and it was surprisingly fun. I am the new “company photographer”. I took nearly 900 photos there, got some good ones too I think. It was at this nice place in malibu that had a pond, baseball field, pool, etc. They were having a wedding there later and it was a really pretty place for such a thing!

Drove home after that and just relaxed at home.

I couldn’t sleep at all that night. I was excited to get the Bronco back! Got up at 5:30 that morning and just lounged around the house, cleaned up some, did some laundry. Etc. Parents txted me at 8:30am telling me they were in San Bernadino. Which is like 1.5 hours away from me. I figured they’d be there by 10:30 at the latest. But they didn’t show up till just before noon.

Pulled up to the drive way and I went down there… Already I was very unhappy!

Basically it LOOKs like the only thing he did was put on new wheels and paint. EVERYTHING else looks exactly the same as it did when I sent it to him.. AND to top things off, it stinks like CAT PISS. Apparently he left it in the barn with the top off all winter and the cats lived/pissed/shit in it! WTF!

The paint job SUCKS. I should have just had my mom pick it up and take it to macco. There’s HUGE runs, splotch marks, overspray, etc.

The “new” tires looked like shit. They were all rusty in parts, etc. The bronco is missing bolts EVERYWHERE. There are bolts that hold the hood on, there are bolts that hold the top on, there are bolts that keep the hood from bouncing, there are bolts that hold the molding on the outside… ALL MISSING! WTF. He fucking spent tons of money on just bolts and shit.

I did a quick calculation last night. I can only get back to December online for my account, but I found $5,311 that he spent.. $5,311 ON WHAT! There is no way there is $5k worth of shit done to this fucking truck!

Ugh I was sooo pissed. It doesn’t even look like he WASHED it while it was there, the whole engine compartment, etc is still a disaster. I can’t see ANY new parts on the underside, etc.

Then the best part. So I post on my facebook. “Bronco is back, and I’m pissed”… Deanna (the wife of the guy who’s been working on it). Sends me a message. “I am so sick of this shit”.. And then deletes me on facebook! WTF!

I am just not sure what to fucking do now. I’ve spent nearly $7k total on this thing and it’s no where close to what I want. I quickly found some stuff on LMC Truck and I know that it’ll cost me about another $2,000 in parts to get it looking halfway decent.

I don’t know if I should take it this weekend or not… 🙁

Ugh.
UGH!

John De Renzy called me the other day. It was so cute how excited he is to see me in Oct and to stay at my place! I can’t wait to see him too! I hope the spark is still the same as the last time I saw him!

So yeah. That’s the weekend. Now to just get to THIS weekend and get to Clarks Canyon for some awesome climbing!