Another post about Davey….. :'(
The problem with things like this. Morgan, Constantine, David…. Is that it takes a week or so for it to really hit. A week of them ignoring you, not replying to your txts. A week of everything being different. Not talking to them every day, wondering what they’ve been up to. Wanting to call or text and just say “HEY! What’s up!”. Longing to hear their voice, hear about their day, just talk and chat and laugh again with them.
I was supposed to be busy all day on Saturday. I purposely made it that way. I wanted to keep myself busy all weekend. Instead, everyone cancelled on me and I spent the day sitting at home, being sad, watching TV and wanting to talk to him. I txted him. “I really miss you”….
I thought about him all day. Wondering what he was doing, where he was, wanting to just chat and ask him what went wrong. What’s wrong with me that he doesn’t want anything, what’s wrong with him that he’s passing someone like me up!
I talked to Leo, he’s got a bf now. I talked to Michael, he’s got a bf now. I talked to Denny, my hookup, he doesn’t want to hang out because he’s “starting to get attached”. What’s wrong with being attached to me!
Why is it so hard for me to get a fucking BF! I try so hard. I put so much effort into David, into Morgan, into Constantine. Why can’t I keep them around. Am I boring? Am I a bitch? Am I not cute enough?!
I was really spoiled by my second BF, Andrew. Everytime something like this happens, I am just hoping that they’ll fly here to see me. Come and knock on my door to say, “I love you”. But it never happens….
I’m so fucking sick of being single. I’m so sick of just hooking up. I just want to cuddle with someone all night. I want to kiss them, come up behind them when we’re out and just give them a hug. Lay on the couch and watch TV. Go to the beach and watch the sunset together, cook dinner together. I want to do all those lame ass fucking romantic things, but yet no one fucking wants to be with me!
Today I just want to cry… I’ve wanted to cry all week, but I couldn’t. I’m a cold bitch…. Today, I can. I’m to that point. I just don’t get it.
We had such a great fucking time together, we chatted, we laughed, we cooked dinner, we made fire, we camped, we climbed, we bonded!
He hates me
I’m so fucking sick of this shit. Where is MY guy. The guy that will LOVE me back the way that I want to love them. The guy that will actually realize what it means when I treat them the way I do.
THE GUY, MY GUY!