Category: My Life

So, last night at dinner Army told me he wasn’t coming back. Since he couldn’t find a job he just couldn’t justify the cost of being here for the summer. I totally get it. It’s the responsible thing to do, but I’m also heartbroken and sad. I had so much I wanted to do with him for the summer.

We spent our last night together going go-carting, having a nice dinner, watching a movie and cuddling. We drove to the airport in silence, him DJing one last time and playing a bunch of sad sappy love songs. I wish I could remember all the songs he played but we got into the car and I was in tears before we even got out of the drive way. I had to hold them back so hard though. At one point he started crying, then I would cry then he would cry again. But we didn’t say a word to each other. I think we both knew that if we talked about it, we’d both just ball our eyes out.

I dropped him at the airport, we hugged goodbye and said “see you soon”. Although I don’t know when I’ll see him again. We talked a lot about going to the fair together in Iowa. But I texted him today that I was going to be there Aug 16-20. He will be out of town at Army training. So I won’t see him then.

Last night after I got home he texted me this:

Now that I’m all checked in.
I wanted to say it before I went in but I would prob ball my little asian eyes out.

Chris Black 😋 told you I remember your name ,

I just wanted to say thank you for everything. Food, water, shelter and everything you paid for. Words can’t express how much I appreciate everything you did for me and you go above and beyond. It was very sad to leave because I had so much fun hanging with you and all the adventures we had / cooking all those meals were fun too! Like I said before you’re a great guy. Smart, funny ish. Weird in your own ways and have accomplished many things that I am very jelly of. I hope today isn’t the last time we speak or see each other. Because I would be sad to never see you again or speak. Many you want it like that but I don’t want to. Yes I understand you wanna be with me but I see with someone better than me who can meet all your needs. Everyone is unique in their own ways and sometimes it hard to find similar traits. I guess what you see from me is a free spirited with goals and dreams in life. But everyone you talked to has the same American dream as me or even better. Life is short and time is limited. Go out there and do everything on your bucket-list. You don’t always have to experience it with someone because experiencing stuff on your own you can see it better without any interruption. Overall this sums up most of the stuff I wanted to say earlier. Please don’t block me outta of your life or let me go. Here’s one thing I can promise you. Friends come and go but I will stay loyal to those stick with me till the end. Also I want to show you my future of what I got brewing up. I hope to see you soon and don’t be sad because I know you have another awesome adventure ahead of you! ❤️❤️❤️

Ps. Excuse my grammar. Lol 🤪🤣

Love,
[redacted] Army

I’m heartbroken but I do hope we can be friends and he will stay loyal. That we can chat. I just don’t know the boundaries of how much or how far, etc.

Now I can move on in life…

If only I had met Wings a few months earlier or a few months later… Things would have been so different. I miss him. I miss Calvin.

I always fuck shit up.

Army told me today he probably won’t be coming back. I had a gut feeling but now that he said it, it makes me sad. I wish I had known the last two days. He made me breakfast again today.

But Wings and I could have been good together… Ugh.

JUST STOP Chris. Stop fucking shit up. Appreciate what you have.

We made it back from Vietnam without any more drama. We came back to the city on Wednesday. I had booked myself a room and Army said he wanted to come spend the night there with me. So we checked into the hotel, spent the evening walking aroudn the city and then went to bed. There was some hotel drama but that’s not important.

Thursday morning we got up and I went to the tour of the Mekong Delta. It was horrible. I was the only person on the whole tour and we really didn’t see very much. Boat ride, Taxi ride, some walking. Etc.

Got back to the city about 3pm and I had agreed to meet this guy at 6 for dinner. So I quickly found another hookup named Peter. He was fucking HOT and the sex was amazing (perhaps just cause I was SO HORNY) but either way we had a lot of fun. I had to kick him out at 5:30 though so that I could meet the other guy. He was not so cute and not so fun but we had dinner, a beer and then went back to the hotel and fucked him.

Army called me while I was at dinner with the second guy and I lied to him that I wasn’t back in the city yet. He was apparently downtown with the sister. I’m not sure if that’s true or not. I don’t see why he would have taken a taxi BACK to the house then BACK to downtown again. Doesn’t really make sense.

Army texted me a bit later saying he was throwing up, so I left the city to go back home and see how he was doing. I got home and he was sound asleep. I was chatting with Peter and he asked to hang out again. So I invited him over and we met and just walked around the little water front there by the house we were staying at. Had a really good chat.

Went back to the house and Army was awake and sounded a bit annoyed, we watched a movie and slept.

Friday we took the bus and went to this hat factory that his distant distant family owns and then went to get hair cuts. That night we took the family out to dinner. During dinner Peter was texting and apparently we were very close to him so he asked if we could hang out again. I said yes and told Army after dinner that I was gong to meet him. Army decided to stay downtown and have a Grindr date as well. He claims they just met as friends, but who knows.

Anyway Peter came and picked me up on his scooter and we went around the city. It was so fun to sit behind him on the scooter and hold him and kiss him and grab his cock while driving around. At one point we were on the scooter and he reached behind and unzipped my pants and had my cock out!! We ended up close to his house and at another little waterfront walk thing. This one was pretty empty so we found a little dark area and gave each other blow jobs. Form there we just sat on a bench and talked and made out more. We had bought a Durian and we fed that to each other. I left at midnight and went back home.

Saturday we got up early and went to the airport and flew home. Got back and just hung out and went to bed. Sunday we went to the Outlet malls, then arcade and then winchester mystery house. It was nice.

While we were at the outlet malls he was bitching about his cousin and something and i was was like “oh what are you planning” and he was VERY VAGUE about it. Finally he admitted he was planning a trip to Disney. WTF. I hate that he doesn’t at least keep me semi in the loop about his plans for this summer. I had a dream the other night that he left on June 20th then texted me a few days later saying he had decided to not come back. I told him about the dream and his response was “Well I can make that happen”.

I just need to be over him and move on. I have 4 dates planned for after he leaves. Plus now Peter is sort of in play.

Also I’m like 92% sure I’m going to Japan for Thanksgiving.

We spent the last few days in Vung Tao. It’s been ncie being at the beach and having a hotel room with nice AC, a real shower, a real toilet and some calm. No Kids running around.

I met this guy Phong on Tinder who’s a tour guide, so I talked to Army about it and he agreed to have him come give us a tour of the area. So on Monday he came out and we toured around. There really wasn’t much to see and we spent more time just hanging out talking, etc.

Phong was all over me for the whole day and Army was encouraging it. Pushing it along. At the jesus statue we made out a bit. From there we went back to the hotel and went to the pool. At first I kept trying to just push Phong away and keep Army involved but Phong kept coming over to me and grabbing my dick through my shorts, etc. We ended up just going around the pool holding each other and talking. Army got mad and I could sort of tell but I was so wrapped up in the attention.

Phong missed his bus back, so we went back to the hotel room and changed to go eat dinner. While I was in the shower he apparently molested Army. Which set things way down hill. I ended up paying for a room for Phong because I know how that made Army feel and I felt instantly bad for everything that happened that day.

We all went to dinner and it was super AWK and te food was horrible Phone ordered a lot of fish stuff which I hated but whatever. I really wasn’t hungry anyway.

After dinner we checked Phong into his room and I sat there chatting with him for a while and then went back to the room with Army. I really wanted to just hold him that night and tell him but I know he’s sick of hearing about it.

We just went to bed. The next morning Army and I went to breakfast and Phong txted me as we were just sitting down. He showed up and Army was instantly pissed off again. I honestly didn’t realize having phong around for breakfast would be such a problem for him. I offered to let him just go back to the room and I would get rid of Phong but he wanted to stay. So we all sat there in pretty much silence.

Army left after a while and Phong and I sat and talked a bit. He has an interesting history but Army and I figured out his deal. He does this where he “misses” his buss and then has to stay longer, get a free hotel room, etc.

Anyway went back to the room and Army let me have it. I totally understood where he was coming from but was also a bit shocked because of how he was encouraging it the day before. I’m still honestly not sure what set him off at breakfast.. but I get where and why he was mad the night before. I apologized to him and I thought we would move on.

Phong left and Army and I went about our day. We went out to get lunch and it started POURING rain we ate and then went back to the hotel and watched a movie. After the movie we went and to exchange money which is where everything went WAY down hill.

The exchange came out with a $10,000 difference and I just took the 10k, which is equal to $0.25USD. I didn’t think it would be a big deal but he got pissed. We took a taxi to Ho May park and then decided not to go. As we were there I asked him what was wrong and he just BLEW UP at me, his army voice acme out and he was screaming at me. I got back into his face and basically told him to fuck off and don’t talk to me like that. We separated ways after walking a mile. He sat at the pier thing and I walked around for over an hour.

During that time I booked myself my own hotel room in Ho Chi Mihn city. I might just go check into it today and leave it empty just incase. I’ve already paid for it. So why not.

Eventually I went back to him and asked if he was ready to talk or if he was just going to keep screaming at me. We talked. He talked a lot, about life, about his family. He cried. I cried a bit. I feel so bad for him when he tells me these things. I just want to protect him and show him how good I can be to him. How much I love him.

It’s things like that that make me so sad we can’t be together. We could be happy together, do so much together. Go so many places and achieve so much. If only the ages were closer, if only I weren’t so needy for him.

We went and walked to get Bahn Mi and then back to the hotel. Watched another movie and then went to bed.

I downloaded grindr again and of course he was on there. That made me so sad. He’s got a guy right here who treats him so well, cares about him so much and he doesn’t give a shit. I get it but I also don’t get it.

Last night I just wanted to cuddle him so badly. I basically just kept my hand on his back all night. I hope that it makes him feel comfortable and not awk at night.

This whole situation is really making me understand the Jason/Me relationship as well. We’re almost the same. I mean I ‘ve known forever that Jason has strong feeling for me, but I just cannot be in a relationships with him. So Iknow the same feeling that Army has. You care about someone a lot, but you don’t want a relationship. It’s so tough.

I wish we could just have a summer fling, summer relationship, summer love. And move on.

Honestly. I’m not sure if I want him to come back after June 20th. I want him too because I want to be around him and I want to have that summer with him but I also don’t because I need to move on and I need to focus on myself. On my relationships with other people.

Kevin and I talked the other day and he also doesn’t want a relationship. Rich is very interested in me, but I duno if I’m that into him. We have a full day date when I return, I’ve planed a little road trip to see how it goes. I’ve been chating with thig guy Justin but h’s in fucking Phoenix and he’s only 23 again. He’s nice but I just don’t know if anything could even happen there.

We shall see what happens.

So we’ve been in Vietnma for a week now. It’s been a fun trip. We flew here First class which was nice but also a bit annoying. The comforts were great and I got a pretty nice sleep but I hated that we couldn’t talk. When dinner time came around they asked Army if we should eat together and I was surprised he said yes. That was nice. So he came over to my little suite thing.

Got to Vietnam and his Aunt and Uncle and these kids picked us up. Went back to the house which is ok. The accommodations are not that great but they aren’t horrible either. They have been nice. We ate dinner here that night and then we just exchanged money and walked around a bit.

Pretty much the whole trip has been short shopping trips with a few sight seeing things. We did the whole list of city sight seeing in one day. We really have no way to get out of the city which is frustrating. Army had told me they had a car to get us around but that’s not the case at all. This whole “plan it by ear” thing is NOT working out. We have wasted so much time sitting around, watching movies etc.

We have spent so much time together over the past week that I am liking him more and more but nothing ever happens. He is so cold. I still don’t know how I got myself into this situation.

I’m not really sure how much more I want to write about this. It’s been said and done over and over. The whole army thing has ruined two potential relationships. I just need to move the fuck on.

His summer plans keep changing too. Now he says he is leaving July 18th. I’m 100% sure that when he leaves that will be the last I will see of him. I have to get him out of my life otherwise this will continue to cause issues and not allow me to move on to someone else.

Kevin and I talked today too. He doesn’t want a relationship. No one wants me.

I’m just over this BS.