My Life

Major Blow Up

We spent the last few days in Vung Tao. It’s been ncie being at the beach and having a hotel room with nice AC, a real shower, a real toilet and some calm. No Kids running around.

I met this guy Phong on Tinder who’s a tour guide, so I talked to Army about it and he agreed to have him come give us a tour of the area. So on Monday he came out and we toured around. There really wasn’t much to see and we spent more time just hanging out talking, etc.

Phong was all over me for the whole day and Army was encouraging it. Pushing it along. At the jesus statue we made out a bit. From there we went back to the hotel and went to the pool. At first I kept trying to just push Phong away and keep Army involved but Phong kept coming over to me and grabbing my dick through my shorts, etc. We ended up just going around the pool holding each other and talking. Army got mad and I could sort of tell but I was so wrapped up in the attention.

Phong missed his bus back, so we went back to the hotel room and changed to go eat dinner. While I was in the shower he apparently molested Army. Which set things way down hill. I ended up paying for a room for Phong because I know how that made Army feel and I felt instantly bad for everything that happened that day.

We all went to dinner and it was super AWK and te food was horrible Phone ordered a lot of fish stuff which I hated but whatever. I really wasn’t hungry anyway.

After dinner we checked Phong into his room and I sat there chatting with him for a while and then went back to the room with Army. I really wanted to just hold him that night and tell him but I know he’s sick of hearing about it.

We just went to bed. The next morning Army and I went to breakfast and Phong txted me as we were just sitting down. He showed up and Army was instantly pissed off again. I honestly didn’t realize having phong around for breakfast would be such a problem for him. I offered to let him just go back to the room and I would get rid of Phong but he wanted to stay. So we all sat there in pretty much silence.

Army left after a while and Phong and I sat and talked a bit. He has an interesting history but Army and I figured out his deal. He does this where he “misses” his buss and then has to stay longer, get a free hotel room, etc.

Anyway went back to the room and Army let me have it. I totally understood where he was coming from but was also a bit shocked because of how he was encouraging it the day before. I’m still honestly not sure what set him off at breakfast.. but I get where and why he was mad the night before. I apologized to him and I thought we would move on.

Phong left and Army and I went about our day. We went out to get lunch and it started POURING rain we ate and then went back to the hotel and watched a movie. After the movie we went and to exchange money which is where everything went WAY down hill.

The exchange came out with a $10,000 difference and I just took the 10k, which is equal to $0.25USD. I didn’t think it would be a big deal but he got pissed. We took a taxi to Ho May park and then decided not to go. As we were there I asked him what was wrong and he just BLEW UP at me, his army voice acme out and he was screaming at me. I got back into his face and basically told him to fuck off and don’t talk to me like that. We separated ways after walking a mile. He sat at the pier thing and I walked around for over an hour.

During that time I booked myself my own hotel room in Ho Chi Mihn city. I might just go check into it today and leave it empty just incase. I’ve already paid for it. So why not.

Eventually I went back to him and asked if he was ready to talk or if he was just going to keep screaming at me. We talked. He talked a lot, about life, about his family. He cried. I cried a bit. I feel so bad for him when he tells me these things. I just want to protect him and show him how good I can be to him. How much I love him.

It’s things like that that make me so sad we can’t be together. We could be happy together, do so much together. Go so many places and achieve so much. If only the ages were closer, if only I weren’t so needy for him.

We went and walked to get Bahn Mi and then back to the hotel. Watched another movie and then went to bed.

I downloaded grindr again and of course he was on there. That made me so sad. He’s got a guy right here who treats him so well, cares about him so much and he doesn’t give a shit. I get it but I also don’t get it.

Last night I just wanted to cuddle him so badly. I basically just kept my hand on his back all night. I hope that it makes him feel comfortable and not awk at night.

This whole situation is really making me understand the Jason/Me relationship as well. We’re almost the same. I mean I ‘ve known forever that Jason has strong feeling for me, but I just cannot be in a relationships with him. So Iknow the same feeling that Army has. You care about someone a lot, but you don’t want a relationship. It’s so tough.

I wish we could just have a summer fling, summer relationship, summer love. And move on.

Honestly. I’m not sure if I want him to come back after June 20th. I want him too because I want to be around him and I want to have that summer with him but I also don’t because I need to move on and I need to focus on myself. On my relationships with other people.

Kevin and I talked the other day and he also doesn’t want a relationship. Rich is very interested in me, but I duno if I’m that into him. We have a full day date when I return, I’ve planed a little road trip to see how it goes. I’ve been chating with thig guy Justin but h’s in fucking Phoenix and he’s only 23 again. He’s nice but I just don’t know if anything could even happen there.

We shall see what happens.

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