Author: Cj B

Army Army Army.. Aren’t you all sick of hearing about him considering we don’t live anywhere close to each other, we aren’t ever going to date, and yet he’s still such an annoyance/care in my life!

Sunday we were texting and he starts going off on this “I want to meet all your friends when I come visit so that I know that daddy is mine”. And then he says things like “Daddy is mine now, my mark is on you”. WTF! If you’ll recall, right after Christmas he and I got into a bit of a tiff because I kept wanting to know about his day, what he was up too, trying to be friendly and chatty with him. And he went off on me saying “We’re not dating, I don’t have to tell you anything” but then he says this shit?

Then yesterday he wanted me to help him with his resume, so I told him to add me on linkedin. He asked me: “What’s your last name”… I’ve known you for THREE FUCKING YEARS. You’ve met my entire family, you say shit like the above, but you don’t know my fucking last name?! I do not understand! It’s just like two years ago when he wanted to come visit me at Thanksgiving but had NO CLUE what city I lived in. Clearly he is either an idiot or just doesn’t give a SHIT about anything regarding my life. Like he never asks me how I am doing, how my day is, etc.

Last night at the gym this guy I ghosted got on the elliptical next to me. Super AWK. My gym husband was there again and we smiled at each other in the hallway. Woof. Lots of other gym yummies there too. I feel like my right boob is getting bigger then my left so I need to work on evening that out a bit.

Sunday night Astra was acting super weird. Usually when it’s bed time she jumps in bed, crawls under the covers passes out and doesn’t move again until morning. That night she was up and down, pacing around the house, she jumped in the roommates bed for a bit. At first I thought she had finally decided she liked him better then me and was just waiting for him to get home. But once he got home and shut his door she kept pacing around, laying down and then getting right back up. At one point I found her laying on the floor in the empty bedroom. I figured I’d just let her go and see how she was Monday evening. At lunch time the roommate messaged me that he came home for lunch and she was whimpering and being really funny. So I went home and checked on her and decided to take her to the VET. Got there and something was wrong with her tail, like if you tried to touch it she would flinch and back away. They wanted to do X-rays, give her two meds for pain and one for antibiotics, if I did everything they suggested it would have been $900!!! I told them to just give me one pain med and I’ll keep an eye on it. She seems to be about 80% better today but you can see a weird kink in her tail that was never there before.

I’m so sick of these GOP people and the gun control debate.. It’s not that hard, we need BACKGROUND checks, we need to BAN certain style guns, we do NOT need CCW reciprocity. Some GOP guy this AM on CNN said “We don’t need gun control, we need idiot control”… Yes I agree we do need idiot control, IN CONGRESS. We need these idiots out of there. As someone who grew up around guns, owns guns, has a CCW in three states and carries a gun every single day. I _AM_ FOR GUN CONTROL.

First Reciprocity is a horrible idea, the laws in each state are so drastically different. For example in WA state you basically go in, fill out 10 questions, do a background check and you’ve got it. In California you have to take training classes, you have to do a more extensive background check, finger prints, etc. It’s way more detailed. If they were to standardize the rules for a CCW in every state, as they are with drivers licenses, I would be fore CCW Reciprocity. But as it stands now, I am very against it.

Second Banning certain guns.. This one I am a little more on the fence on. Obviously If you look at every mass shooting there’s something in common (besides nearly every suspect being a white male) is that they all use AR style guns with high capacity magazines. Now, I admit, I used to own an AR-15, two of them actually. I sold them when I moved to CALI. I don’t think we should outright BAN them, but they need to be much more difficult to buy them, they need to be registered and they need to have magazine limits. Again, example. When I bought my TWO in WA state. I walked in, filled out some paper work, they ran a background check and I walked out with them within an hour. WAY TOO EASY to obtain! These are NOT hunting rifles, they are killing rifles. When I bought them, I bought them to PROTECT MYSELF. As an out gay man living in a very very racist area, I wanted to protect myself.

Ok, I’ve written enough. I’m out!

When I was home for Christmas Army was talking a lot about babies and how he wants two kids, one with his DNA and one with his Partners DNA. Last night we were texting and he was like “I want babies now” and we talked a bit about it for a while.

That caused me to have some crazy baby dreams last night. First dream they were new borns, driving them around in child seats in the back of my QX60. Taking them to their first Christmas. Our families were together at my parents house. It was cute.

Then the roommate woke me up by getting up in the middle of the night.

Second dream they were older. We had bought my parents house and remodeled it. The kids were starting to learn how to drive and I was teaching them on my ’78 Bronco. I had quit my job and was working from home and we were home schooling the boys. Army was working.

I sort of want babies now. Before I get too old.

Hmm, lots of boys to talk about here…

Let’s start with Army, he’s been very quiet lately, barely any txts. On Sunday he texted “Zaddy” and I was very busy so didn’t really message much. Last night I txted him “Why you never call daddy any more” and then a few minutes later he facetimed and we chatted for 30 minutes. This AM he txted me. Weird. I’m still very concerned that I haven’t told him about my status and I’m scared to bring it up now. I dunno what to say/do.

Last night I was in the shower and started thinking about Calvin, when I got out of the shower he had txted me. First I had heard from him since my Birthday. He just sent some random link. I replied “Creepy, I was just thinking about you”. He replied “not in a bad way I hope”. We didn’t really say anything after that. I want to say something to him about how I miss us, but I need to move the fuck on.

Had a second date with Illegal on Sunday. He came over to my house and we cooked dinner, watched two movies and made out in bed. He’s a nice guy but I haven’t made any effort to reach out to him since Sunday and neither has he, so I assume that means he’s not interested and neither am I really… So that’s that.

I’m still frustrated over the whole Thumper thing. I just don’t get it. I was SO EXCITED to be back in contact with him. WTF.

As I said before I’ve been hitting the gym daily. Some days I look at myself and I feel like I see improvement, slightly bigger arms, chest, etc. Other days I look in the mirror and just see a fat ugly bitch. When I last posted, I was under 200lbs. Now I’m back above 200lbs, I’m hoping it’s all muscle?! I have a hot asian gym husband that I stare at when I work out. Woof. I cannot tell if he’s gay though. His routine is to do this dance class and then he does weights. In dance class he shakes his booty all over and it’s so hot. I just stare at him while doing the elliptical.

I’m out!

So last night was Valentines day. I had been talking to this guy for a week now and we decided on Monday to have a date Wednesday, when we decided I didn’t even realize it was Valentines day! haha.

So we decided to meet at this place called Crush in Fairfield. We figured there would be a huge wait, so I got there early and the place was EMPTY. There are only about 5 tables in the whole place so we got one right away. They were having a prix fixe meal for V-day, which I wasn’t expecting and cost $100, so I paid.

The food was really yummy. I’m going to have to go back there again when it’s not prix fixe and see what the other dishes were like.

The guy was super nice, very very cute. He works at a fast food place and is trying to save money to go to college. He likes hiking and outdoors.

After dinner we walked to this mexican ice cream store and got ice cream and just chatted then I walked him back to his car and we made out a bit and said goodnight.

We’re already discussing a second date to go hiking so we will see if that works or not.

Army also got his V-day gift and he seemed happy about it. Though he never said “Thanks” which is a bit annoying. He just said “awwww, daddy got me a present. I’m happy” and then he asked me what my shirt and pants sizes are. Weird. He has been saying “Night daddy” the last couple nights but no phone calls/facetimes… I FaceTimed him the other day on my way home from the gym to tell him a story about this crazy situp guy, but he didn’t seem that interested and said he had to go study so it was very brief.

Yesterday at work we also had a huge Chinese new year lunch. It was SUPER AWK and took like 3 fucking hours! There was SO MUCH FOOD but most of it I didn’t eat cause it was fish.

I hired a new guy yesterday. I emailed HR and asked them to please extend an offer letter. My boss came over to me a few minutes later and was like “We really need to make sure we have group interviews moving forward”. Umm, excuse me? It’s my fucking department. He’s a low level fucking employee, why do we need to have GROUP INTERVIEWS. Let me fucking run/hire my department myself. I fucking hate being micro-managed!

RPF called me yesterday and apparently their new ERP system is delayed YET AGAIN until May. When the new bosses took over they said they would have it in place in 3 months and they kept me on for 6. Now here it is a year and a half later and they aren’t LIVE with it yet! I guess the company they chose to go with just cannot deliver anything they promised. I should have just stayed on with them.

I’m having trouble writing much here today…

Army things have been strange again. Last week he called me nearly every day to chat. One day he even called twice. Then Saturday he called me twice, then yesterday barely anything and nothing yet today. I don’t get it. Jason says I need to stop. It’s super annoying how army never seems to care about what I’m doing or how my day has been, etc. I always ask him how his day is, what he’s been up too, etc. But he never asks me things like that. I bought him a small v-day gift that will be delivered on Wed. Why am I doing this to myself? Stupid.

I went on a date with this asian guy last night. He literally lives around the corner from my house, he was nice but super AWK.

Saturday I met this other guy from Vacaville, also nice but not exactly my type. We will for sure hang out more though because we had fun, but nothing more then friends there.

Sunday I went shopping, accidentally spent $600+ in about 45 minutes at the outlet stores. That place is dangerous. Then I purged my old clothes. Donated 3 garbage bags full of old clothes. I have only ONE pair of blue jeans left because I decided I hated all of the ones I have. Plus I donated ALL of my shoes except for the pair I wear every day and my hiking boots.

I matched with this really cute guy on Tinder, we were chatting and then he said “Oh I”m just visiting.” I asked where are you from. He said: “You won’t know where it is, but The tri-cities”. WTF why couldn’t I meet him when I lived there!

The roommate never came home on Friday night after work, then showed up randomly about 2pm Saturday and was home for about an hour then left and said “I’ll be back tonight”. He didn’t come home again until about 11pm Sunday. Sure, he’s an adult he can do what he wants and come and go as he pleases, but I just wish he would let me know if he’s going to be home or not. Cause I feel super AWK if I have someone over and he’s going to be around or he will just randomly show up. So I don’t want to invite people over unless I know for SURE he will be gone.

I’ve been debating blocking Calvin on social media, but I feel like I should email him and explain why before I do.

We just had our weekly corporate meeting and they are shuffling all these people around. Making things more “independent”. They hired these expensive ass consultants and so far everything they’ve at least announced, _I_ could have told them needed to be done.

This weekend I officially am UNDER 200lbs! Need to keep up at the gym and hopefully by next weekend I’ll be down to 190! I haven’t been under 200lbs in years.