Author: Cj B

July 23, 2001

July 23, [Phil Collins, “We Wait And We Wonder”]

Well tonight hasn’t been good. I went out with Adam and Ang. When I got

to Adam’s place he was being a little wierd. He didn’t hug me or great me

when I came in the door. He just laid there. Then we went out and he was

just out of it all night. He didn’t want to be touched, or anything. So

I knew something was up. But I didn’t know what. Well Ang left and it was

just me and him. WE walked around the mall some and before we left we were

sitting on the couches that are there. We were just talking and I said "Sometime

we need to talk." Well on the way home, he asked me how I felt after

the whole thing on Saturday. And I was like, well i really enjoyed it. And

I was like, how’d you feel. He said that he felt kinda wierd and he was

talking about how Ang and everyone was leaving. He also said that he’s been

really emotional lately. But we talked about it, and he said he wanted to

back off some. And I’m cool with that, I’m all up for giving him room and

letting him think for a while about where he wants to go in his life. I’m

really all cool with that and with him. But what makes me really sad is

that he called me his "best friend." That hurt. After what we

shared on saturday. I can kinda understand it, but still. When I said that

we needed to talk. I was going to tell him that I loved him. And I fell

that I really do. But back to the whole space thing. I told him that I would

support him in any choise that he makes and that I understand about him

needing space. I’ve had like 8 years now to think about it. He’s had like

litteraly months before he was put into this, and within weeks of him coming

out, he had a Bf, me. I can understand that he needs space, and I’m more

then willing to give it to him. But at the same time, I don’t want to be

left hanging in space not knowing where our relationship is going in the

long run of things.

July 22, 2001

July 22, Ok well i’m here at my G&G’s but i wanted to write this update before i forgot everything that’s happened in the last couple days. Well friday night i went over to zach’s cause that’s where we were meeting everyone. that was fun. we started out playing pool and then adam wanted to go hot tubbing, so ang and zach went there, i hadn’t brought my swim suit and i didn’t want to go naked so i didn’t go. i got alot of heat bout that, but oh well. i don’t really care. adam and xak both went naked and then adam got out and ran around naked in the back yard. i got a nice look at his ass, hehe, little did i know i’d get a closer look at it the next morning. but yeah. he did that and then we went inside and everyone changed and adam, ang, and i left to go over to adam’s house.

we got there and we wanted to watch movies, adam didn’t have anything good, so we went over to leah’s house and found some, we got nightmare before christmas and some other one, but we didn’t get around to watching it. but we watched it and had fun. it’s such a great movie. then about 2 am or so we went to bed. it started out, i was nedxt to the wall, adam was in the middle and angie was on the edge. well we tried that for a while, but adam got to hot, so adam and ang switched spots. i didn’t like that as much, but adam was hot, so yeah. it worked. i dunno. well we laid like that for a while, and of course no one got to sleep cause we kept talking about random things. then i had to get up to go to the bathroom and when i got back i found my spot occupied so i was on the edge of the bed. i liked it there better anyhow, so i slept. i don’t know when they got to sleep or anything. but yeah. i got some sleep.

i woke up about 9 or so to find adam laying next to me, that kinda freaked me out, but it was nice. i wraped my arms around him and went back to sleep cause ang didn’t have to leave tell 10:30. then about 10:20 or so i woke up again and i looked over and there was adam looking at me. it was so cute. i wanted to kiss him, but i had baaaaad morning breath, so i didn’t. lol. then the alarm went off so we all got out of bed and angie got her stuff and left.

after ang left adam and i were like, ok what now. well we got online and did some random stuff there. checked e-mail you know the normal stuff. then adam reached over and undid my belt and took it off. then he laid his head on my lap and we just sat there like that for a bit, listening to music. after a bit i was like, lets go in and sit on the couch, so adam put together a play list consisting of wonderwall and a few other songs that fit the mood very well. we went and laid on the couch, he had his arms wrapped around me and we were just laying there. he reached down and felt me though my pants, he was like you go boy. lol, it was funny. then he reached down and un zipped my pants. then we just laid there kissing a bit and hugging and talking.

July 20, 2001 #2

july 20 #2 [train, "it’s about you"] ok well i lied, one more update.

Horoscopes are right sometimes aren’t then? My horoscope for today: "In

the afternoon you make a lucky guess and win/ By keeping a secret, a close

freindship is created. Take nothing for granted in love and you will be extremly

lucky" Adam’s horoscope for today: "A mature love interest isn’t

sure how to win you favor. You’re delegated family matter; approch with caution.

Although intimidating, your knwoledge is sexy to new partners."

July 20, 2001

july 20, [phil collins, " there’s a place for us"] ok well work

today was really cool. i was all drugged up on no-doz, and it was just funny

shit. about 3:30 adam called and said he was working tell 8, which is ok.

i was really hoping to have some time with him before tonight, but whatever.

it’s ok that he had to work, it also gives me time to get packed and shit.

i found out what’s wrong with my car. it’s going to cost like 3,000 to get

it fixed and it’s just not worth it to pay that much to have it fixed, so

now i’m fuckeed and have to find a new car. grrr. ok i’m out. i’ll be back

monday to update again.

July 19, 2001 #3

july 19, #3 [u2, "two hearts beat as one"] ok well my updates here

have been getting kinda lame lately. I dunno. i don’t think there’s really

any content to them. maybe it’s just me, maybe not. tonight at work sucked.

grrr. i won’t go into that, i have to be back there at 8 tomorrow morning.

i can’t wait tell 4. night all.