My Life

July 23, 2001

July 23, [Phil Collins, “We Wait And We Wonder”]

Well tonight hasn’t been good. I went out with Adam and Ang. When I got

to Adam’s place he was being a little wierd. He didn’t hug me or great me

when I came in the door. He just laid there. Then we went out and he was

just out of it all night. He didn’t want to be touched, or anything. So

I knew something was up. But I didn’t know what. Well Ang left and it was

just me and him. WE walked around the mall some and before we left we were

sitting on the couches that are there. We were just talking and I said "Sometime

we need to talk." Well on the way home, he asked me how I felt after

the whole thing on Saturday. And I was like, well i really enjoyed it. And

I was like, how’d you feel. He said that he felt kinda wierd and he was

talking about how Ang and everyone was leaving. He also said that he’s been

really emotional lately. But we talked about it, and he said he wanted to

back off some. And I’m cool with that, I’m all up for giving him room and

letting him think for a while about where he wants to go in his life. I’m

really all cool with that and with him. But what makes me really sad is

that he called me his "best friend." That hurt. After what we

shared on saturday. I can kinda understand it, but still. When I said that

we needed to talk. I was going to tell him that I loved him. And I fell

that I really do. But back to the whole space thing. I told him that I would

support him in any choise that he makes and that I understand about him

needing space. I’ve had like 8 years now to think about it. He’s had like

litteraly months before he was put into this, and within weeks of him coming

out, he had a Bf, me. I can understand that he needs space, and I’m more

then willing to give it to him. But at the same time, I don’t want to be

left hanging in space not knowing where our relationship is going in the

long run of things.

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